NOTE: This is a guest post from Lori Hoeck from ThinkLikeABlackbelt.

In the white-water rapids of parenting – when work, visiting relatives, or perhaps that needed car repair threaten to swamp your raft – it’s hard to rearrange competing priorities.

Sometimes it’s all you can do to lift your paddle, or drag your fingers over the side.

But sometimes, there’s a tug at your attention.

“Move this one up in the queue,” it says.

• Perhaps it’s a new way of eating after a friend’s child is diagnosed with diabetes.
• Perhaps it’s a CPR class when your mom moves in with the family.
• Perhaps it’s insistence that you will all take a vacation as soon as a good deal pops up.

Today, Betsy Wuebker and I would like you to add one more thing, an understanding that will help you and your children dodge heartache, betrayal, and stress. It’s something you may have never heard of, or maybe rarely think about outside of abstract terms.

Until it’s standing dead in front of you like a wall of concrete and you find yourself going far too fast to stop.

What are we talking about?

Recognizing a narcissist.

Most times, the word “narcissist” is applied to simple ego-maniacs or attention-seekers.

But narcissists are more, much more than that.

They can make you feel guilt and demand you take the blame for all their ills. They will use every trick in the book to keep you squirming under their thumb. They finesse and skillfully manipulate situations as easily as you sip at a cup of coffee. They build themselves up at the expense of others. Their machinations can lead to feelings of dread, depression and other disorders in those with whom they’re involved.

Their need to do this, like any addictive behavior, will escalate after they’ve used up their existing narcissistic supply.  Even more frightening – the idea that one could be zeroing in on your child.

Think Venus Fly trap.
Think sweet poison.
Think primrose path.
Think predator.

As parents, we spend an inordinate amount of time concerning ourselves with boosting our child’s self-esteem. Yet few of us consider, much less know, the essential strategies we need to protect against a narcissist. And if we don’t know or consider how to protect ourselves from being victimized, how ever are we going to equip our children with the skills to do the same?

Betsy and I have written a guide that addresses just that.

In The Narcissist: A User’s Guide, we pull the rug from under a toxic dynamic that serves the narcissist while sucking the life from his prey. We help you turn the tables. Instead of being used, you can use our tips and scripts to stand your ground. And, you can teach your child to be positively assertive in the face of a probe by a narcissist, causing the predator to slink away in search of easier prey.

If you have formerly been involved with a narcissist, you already know how difficult it can be to leave the relationship. If you’re currently in a relationship with a narcissist, you may have been concerned about modeling an inappropriate perception of life in front of your child.

There’s no way to completely heal if there’s even a remote chance you might find yourself in a repeat situation.

Our guide can help.

We teach you how to spot narcissistic behavior and cover why the narcissistic response is dangerous. We include stories and anecdotes submitted by a variety of individuals who have been involved with narcissists. You may see some parallels to puzzling or frustrating behaviors within relationships you’ve experienced. Plus, we show you what to do once you’ve assessed the situation to change your responses and ultimately neutralize additional harm.

You’ll want to read The Narcissist: A User’s Guide. You may want to pass it along to someone you know. When you read it, you may recognize individuals in your own life who have displayed characteristics or have played a role in a narcissistic relationship. You’ll begin to think about arming your child with age-appropriate defenses, including additional awareness on your part, to avoid the downward spiral participating in a toxic dynamic can trigger.

Our job as parents is to acquaint our children with the good and teach them to treat it with preference.

We want to encourage our children to embrace life in an open and giving way, but we must protect their sweet natures if we wish for them grow into healthy individuals with loving relationships that thrive on reciprocity of spirit.

A narcissist has no place in all that. Let’s make sure they get out and stay out.

Download the e-book here.

I’m fat.

Not like Elvis Presley on the year I was born, with lardy ridges rolling off of my body, fat. But I’ve got work to do.

Last year was rough. Though I’ve been known to fart sunshine, I’m as human as anyone. And when my going gets low, by going likes to get eating.

Something about sitting in front of the screen, leaning back in my chair as I’m listening to the loud silence that screams my to-do’s, makes me want to shove peanut M&M’s into my mouth a handful at a time. I know they’re only low grade nuts surrounded by cheap milk chocolate, and not some magic elixir that will make everything alright or extinguish my sadness.

But just try to convince me while I’m chewing.

It also doesn’t help that I love pasta with an unhealthy appetite, and that Cindy cooks it just about better than anyone I’ve ever known.

I know I’m not alone in what I am about to say.

Somewhere around October I just gave up.

Halloween, after all, was right around the corner, and there would be plenty of candy within easy reach, with Turkey Day really just a beat behind. Then Christmas, which we all know lasts a full three weeks, would be followed by New Years.

I could always eat better in the new year!

Of course, I would’ve started the New Year with a clean slate, but my daughter’s birthday is only two weeks into January and my own is just one week after that.

Why bother trying to stay clean when there are so many obstacles clearly in my way?

Sad thing is, this is the same game I play with myself every year.

Today is February 1st.

Just like last February 1st, and all the I’m not sure how many before, I will be getting lean and eliminating sugar from my diet.

I’ve always loved the 28 Days of  February, a chance to trim up and feel my best. Four weeks of discipline, capped at the end by a lean frame and renewed vigor. Sure, I like to punch myself in the stomach without feeling a wobbly vibration, but it’s more than that.

I believe I owe it to my body to give it the best. Though I’m fairly certain I’ll be able to go all cyborg sometime before I die, I probably shouldn’t bank on it.

Yet at the end of each year, I lead myself into the same trap. Last year more so than most.

Though I’m sure next next year I’ll still be celebrating these four weeks without sugar in my diet, this will be the last 28 Days I spend undoing the mistakes I made the previous three months.

By saying this out loud, here to you, I am hopefully flipping a switch inside me.

One that will keep me doing what I’m supposed to do, even when it’s most difficult.

If you’d like to join me, I’d love the company. Hit me downstairs in the comments and I’ll tell you what Cindy and I have on the menu for the next month.

Good stuff, all you can eat. Just no sugar.

The first few days are rough, but soon you start to coast. After a few weeks, food tastes better and, sometimes, the sky even looks a little bluer.

Happy February.