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“Memory is a child walking along a seashore. You never can tell what small pebble it will pick up and store away among its treasured things.”
~Pierce Harris, Atlanta Journal
Max’s eyebrows crawl together and his upper lip is swallowed by the lower. “The library?” he asks. His nose is scrunched because he knows the answer’s no.
I shake my head. Max is on his three-hundred and forty-seventh guess, give or take. “Try again.”
“Ummmmm…” he elasticizes his m’s until they are almost at a chant. “Disneyland?”
I would say his predictions are growing outlandish, except that three queries back he guessed Texas, and we definitely had no intention of crossing any significant border.
“The park where they have a statue of the tall, tall man?”
I say “No,” but this particular guess sees me scooping Max up, spinning him around and tossing him on the bed. “Guess again.”
The tall, tall man is Abraham Lincoln, who happens to have a statue at a park we haven’t stepped foot on since Max was only two.
The answer was the movies, just in case you (like Max) are dying from suspense. We were planning to see Bolt. One of our clients gifted us cinema and Pixar light sounded grand.
“The garbage dump?”
I shake my head.
“The beach?”
“Too cold, buddy.”
At this point, Max has been guessing for nearly forty minutes, and I’m a bit shocked he hasn’t yet swished the net. He’s been to the movies a handful of times, which is more than I can say for Texas, the Island of Sodor, or Japan, which added together climb to the sum total of never.
“Outer Space?” his voice hits a pitch revealing his knowledge of the nonsensical nature of his giddy little guess.
“Yes!” I exclaim.
“No, we can not do that.” Max shakes his head and drops to his knees in a fit of giggles.
Max never did guess, but it wasn’t for lack of trying. Amazingly, he never quit. No matter how many times he yielded a negative, he kept pecking around in search of a positive.
But that’s not what this story’s about.
Max was undaunted sure, but the reason I’m passing this story to forever is because of the wide reach of my little man’s recall.
If my boy can remember the park with the tall, tall man, and we haven’t stepped foot in the shade of that American giant in half of Max’s lifetime, then there are a hundred million other moments inside his subconscious waiting for their resurrection, and a multiplicity that are only marking time until their birth.
I can’t control every machination of my children’s lives, nor would I ever want to. They will choose what to make and who to make it with. They are with me now though, and most of their minutes are within my orbit. I can make sure to manage what is rolling down the conveyor belt in front of me.
Writer Dad
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‘“Ummmmm…” he elasticizes his m’s until they are almost at a chant.’
You’re the master of the metaphor.
Bamboo Forests last blog post..7 Greatest Strikes of All Time
Wow. My earliest childhood memory was playing with a dump truck in a park on a hill with a 20-some-odd apartment building at the bottom of it. I wish it could have been something cool like that.
Matthew Drydens last blog post..She Was Gravity Twisted
How timely.
Today I was reflecting on how simple things from my childhood really stuck. I think I learned how to dream big thanks to Disney. I think Jiminy Cricket taught me that.
I know I didn’t quite learn everything I need to know just from kindergarten, but I did learn a lot of the important things. The simple things that stick. The day to day stuff.
J.D. Meiers last blog post..4 Types of Problems
I love reading about the conversations you have with your kids!
Kool Aids last blog post..Still Christmas shopping?
Found your blog recently via a comment you posted on Simple Mom’s blog. Your writing style is inspiring, and I particularly enjoyed today’s post (probably because I have a three-and-a-half year old son who also has an amazing memory. I’m praying that years from now, he’ll remember my (few) brilliant Mommy moments, and forget my (many) parenting mistakes.
Julie - On the Dot Creationss last blog post..:: Twelve Days of Christmas — Day 2 ::
I figured you were going that rout with your story. I know you and I know how aware you are of your influence on your children and how important it is that you keep those ‘guides’ moving in a positive direction. Great writing and excellent content to chew on.
When Liz and I receive our little bundle of joy into this scary world, I plan on being a mindful father and making my touch on his or her life, one that they will look back on with a smile. At least that’s my hope and my plan!
Eric.
Eric Hamms last blog post..Open Your Heart Before The Sun Goes Down!
It’s scary how much they remember isn’t it? Their little brains truly are amazing.
You know, I think I could give Max a big hug this morning.
And my little guy wants to go to Sodor next year on vacation.
Jamie Simmermans last blog post..Communicate Dang It!
It is truly amazing what is stored in the depths of our mind, and even more amazing what triggers bring those thoughts back to the surface.
Sals last blog post..Story Time
Bamboo: That’s a great thing to be a master of, thanks!
Matthew: Dig deeper. I didn’t have too many early childhood memories before children. Most of the things I remember now have drifted into my thoughts over the last couple years, always triggered by something on of my children does or says at a particular moment. I’m sure many more are coming.
J.D.: Disney taught me to dream big as well. Now I take my lessons from Pixar.
Kool Aid: Thanks, KA. I enjoy writing them. WD will have a lot more next year. I promise.
Julie: “I’m praying that years from now, he’ll remember my (few) brilliant Mommy moments, and forget my (many) parenting mistakes.” This should be our chant as parents, right? Well said.
Eric: You know me well. You will be a fantastic, mindful father, Eric. Everything will change, including you, but everything you need is already there.
Jamie: I’ll give Max a hug for you, and maybe we can all meet this summer in Sodor for an adventure. : > )
Sal: It is indeed! Thanks again for the writing monster or whatever it’s called. I plan to put it to use today.
A very timely post.
“I can’t control every machination of my children’s lives, nor would I ever want to. ”
My husband and I once attended a rigorous, 10 week “parenting” course whose aim was, basically, exactly that. It wasn’t a parenting course–it was obedience training for smallish people.
I’m becoming convinced that parenting is at least as much about getting out of the way as it is about guiding the way.
But that’s just me.
KatFrenchs last blog post..The ROI of Thinking Ahead
I have recently begun committing my earliest, foggiest memories to paper (well, to electronic storage media, I suppose). Spending time not only exploring these vague shadows, but asking older relatives about them, is a worthwhile pursuit — I’m amazed by the seemingly insignificant things my father remembers about my early years. I expect you’ll someday blow Max’s mind with your clear recollection of small incidents, even the ones that never make it to your blog. I hope that my memory and blogging habits serve as well when I become a parent…
Aylad MacOdyss last blog post..Winter… How I hate thee.
This is such a great, insightful parenting lesson to take from that moment. One of my daughters has a particularly sharp memory. She can recall things like what we had for dinner one night when she was two and her dad was out of town, and what plate it was served on, and what movie she got to watch while she ate (a rare treat).
It’s a bit daunting to think of all that our kids remember, and the small bit of power we have to shape those memories. Sometimes, as parents, we just really mess up. A whole day can go badly, and can essentially be our fault. Taking our responsibility seriously, without beating ourselves up, is a balancing act.
Kristin T.s last blog post..Why I care what you’re eating for lunch
I often think that whatever I do - the loving patient moments as well as the scolding and the impatience - is shaping their lives. It’s a bit scary.
It’s believed that memory is more ingrained or vivid based on the depth of the emotion. I’m sure it’s the emotion of love that he feels from you that will give and instill those priceless memories now and into the future. I believe that no matter what we go through with our kids, as long as there’s a core relationship, they will always remain in our lives. I enjoyed this.
B.Wildes last blog post..Down In the Dumps? Put on Your Party Pants
Hey Sean,
I really enjoyed the post. Thanks for sharing it.
It reminded me of a time when I was very busy with work and my kids were small. I made myself feel better by convincing myself that they won’t remember whether I spent time with them or not as they’re so young. And, so a couple of years passed until I was remeniscing my early childhood one day and realized that my earliest memories were of times I spent with my mother and father. We weren’t doing anything in particular, I just remember the warm feeling of being with them and that I was happy.
I promptly quit my job and found another one that gave me more time with my kids.
As you said, I can’t control what my kids remember. I can make sure that if they remember their early childhood, they remember the feeling of being with their father and that he loved them so.
All the best
A Dad’s Lifes last blog post..A cold morning
That was incredible. Thank you.
You may remember (or not) that I adopted 3 children, all at once! They were 9, 5, and 6 months when we got them. They were taken from their mother by the county. So you can imagine what kind of childhood the older two had. The memories that the older two have of their early childhood were often fantasy or completely blocked out. Kids do what they have to do to get by. I wish they could forget all that and start over from scratch, but unfortunately those impressions are set.
Keep up the good work Sean. You are a good dad.
Turf Dads last blog post..Wednesday Weigh In, The Plan
Very touching post.
It reminded me that I had once learned that lesson, but had forgotten it.
When my son was barely two, he liked to fall asleep to music. For a while I played a Beethoven CD, the first song being the Fifth Symphony.
After a few weeks, he asked for a new CD because that first song “is scary.” I suppose its intensity can be frightening to a small child so I found him some new songs with children singing. Much less threatening.
When he was five, he asked me, “How come you don’t ever play that one song anymore? That one you used to play for me?”
Three years later I had no clue what song he was talking about.
He said, “You know…dah dah dah dum. Dah dah dah dum.” And he hummed the rest of the melody.
The funny thing was, he remembered it as a song that he liked.
Randis last blog post..Quick! Act Now!
It is astonishing, what they retain. I clearly remember events from my early childhood, despite being told it’s impossible. Who’s to say what the human mind is capable of?
Sometimes, though, there are things I hope he will forget - especially the moments when I drop my basket and yell or am cruel as only a mother can be. Sigh.
What a beautiful memory picture you paint - I adore those moments (or hours) of fun and silliness.
Shade and Sweetwater,
K
Kyddryns last blog post..Psst, Hey, Wanna Buy a Watch??
KatFrench: It’s not just you, us too. It’s hard, because our instinct is to insulate, but they can’t escape reality forever, and we may as well help train them.
Aylad: If I blow his mind half as much as he blows mine, we better clear the yard. : > )
On an unrelated note - you have an awesome avatar, Aylad.
Kristin T: My daughter’s exactly the same! The other day we were looking at pictures of our old house and we came across a picture with hardwood floors. “Where is the carpet?” she asked. We got rid of the carpet when she was eighteen months and haven’t lived in the house for three years. Crazy. It is indeed daunting, but on those days where we miss, we must aim better the next time. Beating ourselves up does nothing.
Vered: Terrifying really. The heaviest burden I’ve ever shouldered.
B. Wilde: I’ve never heard that before, but it makes perfect sense. Thanks for enjoying it, I always love writing about my children. I’m grateful to have the forum to do it.
A Dad’s Life: That’s a wonderful story. I can relate. I quit my job of twelve years, three years ago because I didn’t want to miss out on their first five years. It’s what led me to this new life, so it was indubitably the right decision.
Vodkamom: You are quite welcome. : > )
Turf Dad: My wife had a horrendous childhood and lost her mother at three. It is amazing to me what she can still remember. Tragic. My childhood was pretty average and I remember shockingly little, though more is coming back to me all the time.
Randi: I LOVED this story Randi. Really, really cool, and I know exactly what you’re talking about. Thanks for sharing.
Kyddryn: The imperfect memories are important too, I believe. They help our children to know that we aren’t perfect and that we make mistakes to. The key is to own them when they are there, rather than ignore that they ever happened.
Wow, thanks. On a similar note, I love your new header image… makes me very jealous.
Aylad MacOdyss last blog post..Winter… How I hate thee.