Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn’t.
~Erica Jong
Last week, the blogger I hearted was Dave Wright from Blogger Dad. This week it’s Rita, from Rita’s Digest.
Rita and I crossed words our first meeting. By the time Writer Dad closed shop for the day, we’d both had our say, along with immediate mutual respect. We’ve disagreed since, but even our strongest disputes conclude with a simple Namasté.
I believe there is no one in Blogopolis who wishes me success more than Rita. She is my biggest cheerleader. As I said earlier this week, the power of praise runs in both directions.
Rita is also my biggest critic.
A couple of weeks back, Rita took me aside. “Check yourself before you wreck yourself,” she said (though not in those words).
You know when you’re running in circles, juggling a dozen things with the speed of a bullet and the accuracy of a shotgun, then you bark your shin without even feeling it, only to find a medley of black and blue by the end of the day?
That’s what I was doing with comments; not just here, but everywhere. Rita’s words made me seriously reconsider my approach. I’ve been wanting to write about the subject for a while, but there’s no need. Rita’s words triggered tremendous talk on Vered’s blog yesterday, and she’s done a splendid job here.
Of course, I have plenty to add, but I’ll do it downstairs.
Enjoy:
“Star Wars,” High School and Blogging
I graduated from High School on a warm May evening in 1977. Though there were 1,400 seniors in my graduating class, ONLY 1,100 met the requirements to graduate that night. The ceremony itself didn’t matter…none of us planned on attending, as there was a new movie opening that night, and we all wanted to see the movie instead. The movie: “Star Wars.” The top 50 or 60 students in the class were ripped apart by our collectively acquainted parents: you may not care about being handed that diploma, but we do. Go to graduation, let us snap a few shots, and then you can see the movie. In agreement, that is how most of my friends and I graduated from High School – in haste.
That was 31 years ago. Certainly, much has happened in that time. One thing that I’ve realized as one daughter graduates college, and one enters, is that life is never the same after High School. I firmly held that belief until one month ago, while blogging. I am now back in High School. Though High School wasn’t too bad at 15 or 16, it has no place in my life as I near 50. Being a blogger is like being in High School.
How is blogging like being in High School again? I’m glad I asked.
1. “I called you yesterday, so it’s your turn to call me today.” Such is the same with commenting on blogs. I stopped commenting on most blogs three weeks ago, though I generally read 20 or so blogs a day, and 40 or more on my “Touch Base Tuesdays.” If I have something to add that hasn’t already been said, something to disagree with, or something I’d like clarified I leave a comment. I have stopped playing “I’ll comment for you if you comment for me.” I DO agree: blogging is a social medium. But my husband, children and “real-life” friends were being short-changed, because I was commenting on so many blogs on which I really had little to say. I have never taken an ad, never expected to make money off of blogging, and never paid attention to the “numbers.” If people wish to read what I have to say, come on over. If you care to leave a comment, I will try to give you a thoughtful response. But expecting “reciprocity” on leaving comments does NOT mean that I’m not reading your blog for the pure enjoyment of it.
2. “Tag, you’re it.” Meme’s can be fun to read at times, but most posts I write are extended meme’s. I have no “theme,” hence I write what is on my mind, and is a reflection of my thoughts. Sometimes I’m in a funny mood, sometimes I’m in a sad mood, and sometimes I just want to get across a point that I feel is important. I DON’T have a favorite post, and it doesn’t really matter what color my eyes are. This is why I generally “refuse” to be tagged. This may make me look old and curmudgeonly, but the only way NOT to play a game is to remove your piece from the board.
3. “I need to hang with the popular crowd.” No, I don’t. I want to “hang” with people who write well, offer interesting perspectives, open my eyes to new ideas or shake me up a bit. I made the mistake early on of hanging with one “popular crowd” – for the most part, a lovely crowd. But, as in High School, there are the Athletes, the Cheerleaders, the “Prom King and Queen,” the Academics – and the solitary person sitting at the lunch table who just moved to town and has nobody to tell about who they are, what their lives are like, what their dreams are. I’ve begun to put my lunch tray down at their tables more recently. Many of them are incredibly “cool,” and offer fresh perspectives.
4. “Here’s Your Summer Reading List.” Perhaps you remember that list of book after book on the same “topic” to be written about on the first day of the new school year. Now it’s bloggers with URL after URL on the same topic. Were I interested in that topic, I would Google it myself, and if I didn’t have a clue about the topic, I would do the same. I read enough blogs. I don’t need a blog that provides lists and lists of OTHER blogs – all of which address the same topic.
5. “Ooh, Teacher, call on me, call on me.” This is the one that gets me the most. Somebody will ask me a question – a GOOD question – and I will research it, try to provide an answer and do so in a way that the person listens to the answer, rather than hears it. But I’m learning, that just as in the classrooms I teach, many people ask questions to look particularly smart – or ignorant – but don’t even care to come back for the answers. That is why I only subscribe to blogs in my email now. I want to read other people’s questions and answers. And I have learned that many of those who ask questions of ME don’t even come back for the answer. I’m always happy – delighted – to answer questions. As a teacher I know that teaching to an empty classroom is a waste of time.
6. “We are a community.” It is true – we are, in many ways, a community. Like a High School class is a community. I bought into that game in blogging, and sold too much of myself for a piece of the action; for just as we are a community, we are also competitors. Bloggers want to be “A+” bloggers, and the way to do that is to insulate yourself so much that the same group of bloggers read and comment with the same group of bloggers. Read the names of the top 10 commenters on the blogs you visit; chances are, most are the same. Bloggers WANT to be seen with the “big blogs” so that, in many cases, the others on the “big blog” lists will come to them. Community or competition?
It may appear that I’m down on blogging. Nothing could be further from the truth. It is many (not all) BLOGGERS that I am down on – starting with myself. I love to write, but I sold out. And I lost too much of myself – and my life. I will continue to blog, but I will treat it as an adult endeavor, for I am an adult. Anybody who wishes to read my words is more than welcome to do so. If you wish to leave a comment, please do; but please don’t feel compelled to do so to “prove” that you were there. I already KNOW who was there, as do you all.
I’m sorry now that I missed most of my High School graduation, as it was a milestone. I ended up missing College graduation, because my grandmother died the day before. These days, I don’t want to miss more things that I will regret, like reading a book, spending time with friends and family and tending to my physical and mental health as I age. Plus I didn’t like “Star Wars” one bit.
Thanks, Rita. Well said.
Writer Dad
If you enjoyed these words, please subscribe (for free) by RSS or Email. I tweet here, and Stumble here. Thanks.
Related posts:
- Are You Questioning Me? “I keep six honest serving-men, They taught me all I knew; Their...
- I Link You! An inability to stay quiet is one of the conspicuous...
- Her Royal Bloggess The most wasted of all days is one without laughter. ...
- Olly Olly Oxen Free “God has given you one face, and you make yourself...
- Nominate Writer Dad Happy Saturday, everyone. I know Writer Dad isn’t necessarily...
Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.
{ 4 trackbacks }
{ 133 comments… read them below or add one }
You’ve confirmed my suspicions; that, and personal experience have confirmed for me (again) that I am eternally glad and thankful to have skipped three high school grades and a Prom. (As if I didn’t know this watching my daughter go through high school.)
I love getting comments; I love seeing signs of intelligent life out there (it is reassuring, some days - scary, others). I love conversation. But I LOATHE “obligatory reciprocity” in commenting.
It’s so easy to get caught up in all this “social networking” and you just end up feeling like a hamster on a wheel.
Holly Jahangiris last blog post..Punctuation Check-Up: The Doctor Will See You Now
Great guest post, Rita. MUCH better than that jerk last week! You made a lot of great points. Though I’ve only been blogging for two months, I’ve been caught up running in the hamster wheel that is commenting.
I am grateful that a lot of bloggers check out what I have to say, and I feel a tremendous obligation to go back to their sites as an act of reciprocation. I only comment if I have something of value to add, even if it’s just a funny one liner. However, I FEEL like I should be commenting at more blogs. Why should I expect anyone to comment at my site if I’m not commenting at theirs?
But here’s the thing, I’m not only a blogger. I’m also a cartoonist who draws a regular comic strip which has a much, much larger audience than my blog. And I have spent so much time blogging and commenting that I’ve let my comic fall by the wayside. And for what? To stay in the game?
There just aren’t enough hours in the day to do all that I want to do, so something has to give. Either quality content or comments elsewhere. It’s not a hard choice - it has to be comments elsewhere.
So, I’m going to hunker down and concentrate on my own creative pursuits. I’ll comment elsewhere when I can. I’ll always respond to comments left on my site. Hopefully my readers won’t think I’m a jerk. And if they do, I’ll just be another one of those loners eating lunch by himself at the uncool table.
It won’t be the first time.
Blogger Dads last blog post..Our baby story - Part Two : I’m not ready!
Wow. What a powerful post. But of course, how could I expect anything less from my Rita.
When Blogger Dad says “I am grateful that a lot of bloggers check out what I have to say, and I feel a tremendous obligation to go back to their sites as an act of reciprocation.” I can relate. I too feel that if I don’t reciprocate, then I’m a jerk. But if I do reciprocate, I’m being a jerk to my family and friends. So the choice is clear.
Vered - MomGrinds last blog post..Chocolate-Covered Strawberries
You are probably going to get hammered with hate comments for saying you didn’t like “Star Wars”.
malathionmans last blog post..Raise That Bar
This has been a refreshing post for me. I have taken quite a bit of flack for allowing myself not to post as much, and to read, and comment…I like encouraging others in that way…(not to say anyone doesn’t) only a couple times a week (usually late at night)
I comment on probably 3x more blogs than comment on mine…and most of the blogs I comment on are the smaller blogs.
But, I faced this dilemma a few months ago and decided that I work in front of the computer so much, that if I kept the blogging pace I would lose the opportunity I love for SILENCE. One of my blogs is about learning to be in the moment and love the solitude of listening. But my world was overflowing in WORDS.
Guess what I am trying to say is…THANKS.
Thanks for saying what you did, and sharing what she said.
Harmonys last blog post..Stop Thinking
I’ll read this post in its entirety tomorrow. But, what Bloggerdad had to say, was hilarious
Bamboo Forests last blog post..Top 7 Halloween Costumes
Rita makes some excellent points, starting a blog in the personal development niche I’ve noticed a strong sense of you comment here and I’ll comment there. To be honest, I find it too much ‘work’ and not enough fun having to leave comments on blogs when I don’t even think the author cares too much about the site. Usually showing in:
- Lack of original design
- Lack of domain (usually on blogspot)
- Content that hasn’t been updated in weeks
That kind of thing. That’s not to say there isn’t great content lurking in these dingy corners of the web but I’m only going to comment on sites where I actually enjoy reading the content, not force myself to reciprocate every time.
Glen Allsopps last blog post..How Strong is Your Sense of Entitlement?
On number 5. Sometimes people are just forgetful, with tens of feeds in my own reader, sometimes I’m just forget…
Maybe we should impose ourselves a limit on comments (7 a day?, 3? 1?, 3 a week?)
Miguel de Luiss last blog post..Comments back in moderation.
Maybe this is why I was never one of the “cool kids” back in school.
I’ve been seeing a lot of blog posts on this topic lately and, well, it just doesn’t make sense to me. For me, it’s never been “you comment on my post, I’ll comment on yours” or “you follow me on Twitter, I’ll follow you.” That just seems silly to me, and a little impersonal. When I feel I have something to add to the conversation, I comment on the post. If someone interests me on Twitter, I follow them. If they don’t comment back or follow me back, that’s fine. Most of the bloggers whose blogs I’ve commented on and people I follow on Twitter have never ever commented on either of my blogs… and that’s okay.
On my own blogs, however, I do make it a point to respond to every comment. I like to make sure everyone knows they were heard, and answer any questions that have been asked. Lots of bloggers don’t do this, and that’s fine as well. I won’t be insulted if my comment goes unanswered.
I disagree with 3 and 6, though. Unlike in high school, you can be “friends” with one blogger without having to become a part of their “clique”. Online, you can easily pick and choose which blogs you read - choose those you enjoy reading, unsubscribe from the rest. The great thing about the internet is that by sitting at one “table”, you don’t necessarily isolate yourself from everyone else. Who says you can’t read the new kid’s blog and still hang out at the “popular” blogs as well?
This is a new genre, sorting itself out. To learn and improve it, we experiment. We peek around, we find gems that lose their luster and baubles that turn into beauties. Some days I read alot and comment a little, others I skim. Each day, I try to take a look at one new blog off someone’s list and another may be neglected for several weeks.
A radio commentator in our area always signs off with the reality check: “I’ve got to get back to work.”
Kip de Molls last blog post..Sounds of Silence Abandoned
I’ve been angry over this kind of the stuff for the last few weeks, and it’s come out in a few entries. I’ve been slacking off in my reading and commenting (because I usually do both at the same time). Blogging creates community, and so does commenting.
I had to pull back probably about 2 weeks ago because I didn’t want to lose my mind, but I went too far, now I have to find a happy medium else I’ll go crazy.
Okay, that is two long comments I have written and deleted. Time for me just to say “Hi Writer Dad” because I’ve now been here so long you’ll think I’m stalking you if I leave now without saying anything.
And no, I am not just commenting so you’ll come visit me and comment today. I know you do that when you’re inclined because you think I’m fabulous
Emilys last blog post..Link Love: Pumpkins Galore!
As a 1 month old blogger, I feel like I just got a whoopin from momma.
(Read: This Just Makes It More Interesting
That’s my story and I’m stickin to it, for now anyways. I value comments on my blog, and I do feel compelled to comment on others who comment on mine. But not just that scenario. I enjoy the conversations and opinions. Yeah yeah..ok, I guess too that being new and getting comments is like a baby taking it’s first steps, it’s a feeling of accomplishment for me I guess. I am finding though that blogging can become a “time sucking vampire” very quickly. So, my opinions on the matter may change without further notice. Great article ya’ll!
-Scott
Scotts last blog post..We stare at weblogs, what do cats stare at?
Rita, thank you. You’ve stated so very well what I’ve been thinking and feeling, although I admit to sometimes feeling that I’m failing to follow “the rules” somehow (I quickly quell those episodes!). I write what comes, when it comes, and I need to not worry about being on a schedule, joining “the club” or adding the pressure of learning more technology. If I focus on those things, I fumble too much.
And that leads me to respond to Glen’s remarks: There are perfectly valid and wonderful reasons people have less than glamorous and gadget-filled sites. I’m not technologically savvy and I don’t have many financial resources to spare, so I am relegated to the “dingy corners of the Web” with a very simple design that doesn’t overwhelm me. Besides, simple suits me. It’s clean. As for the content, trying to carve out a few minutes here and there to even be here (which I enjoy immensely) isn’t easy. I do what I can. I intend to do more next summer when I am able to leave my day job, and when I do it will still be in the “dingy corners.”
The sense of community I’ve discovered in blogging is wonderful!…on my site and in commenting on others’. Comments make that happen. But I’m with Rita in that I don’t want to repeat someone else’s, because there’s no value in that. I comment when I have something to add. And I certainly value that from others on my own site. The conversations are the whole point, as far as I’m concerned.
Thank you Writer Dad for featuring Rita, and thank you Rita for your oh-so-welcome encouragement that reminds me I’m doing it as I wanted to, and that it’s certainly okay.
Julies last blog post..Another Kind of Poverty
I will admit, that comments on your own blog is a great thing. It let’s you know people are out there becase I too, don’t look at the numbers of visits, page views and what have you’s. However, one thing that I have noticed recently is that it is just as fun to have a full fleged conversation on another person’s comment section too.
Sals last blog post..ME-YEW, Not Me-You
This high school mentality conversation just makes me sad. (Not that it wasn’t well written Rita, it was great) This conversation has been spreading around blogosphere like a virus. It’s sad that people feel that they have to come out and declare their freedom from force-fed commenting.
It makes me glad I was a high school drop out the first time around. But you know what? Somewhere along the line I grew up. I don’t need a social manual to tell me that in the Blogosphere, “I’ll scratch you’re back if you scratch mine” is any better of a way to get ahead here than it is in any other part of the world. I’m sorry, that isn’t community, that is pay back.
Real friendship, real relationships, real community, real honest to goodness content that makes you want to go read that post, that makes you sit up and WANT to leave a comment-that works. And it always will.
I want those kind of viewers and comments. And its up to ME to write the content that brings it to me. Not to go real them in with a fishing pole in comment river.
Wendi Kelly-Life’s Little Inspirationss last blog post..Speaking From the Heart
“The ceremony itself didn’t matter…none of us planned on attending, as there was a new movie opening that night, and we all wanted to see the movie instead.”
LMAO!!!! I wouldn’t have attended my graduation if my mom hadn’t ambushed me by flying in from Texas. [sigh]
SOOOO. About the ‘popular crowd’. The ‘cool kids’. I did not get this memo. What gives? Who is in it? I’m probably the loner in the corner wearing all black and scribbling in her notebook. Viva le artiste!
Hayden Tompkinss last blog post..How to Boost Your Karma
@ Holly: I, too, love getting comments - and respond to each one. But, as you said, the concept of “reciprocity” is absurd. It’s a big Blog world. I’d like to discover MORE of it, not less…
@ Blogger Dad: I’m glad you’re now finding time to pursue other interests and passions…but your blog happens to be one I enjoy reading. Whether you post 3x a week or once a month, I’ll be there.
@ Vered: Thank you for your kind words. This is something that you and I have spoken about. Isn’t it nice to re-connect with your husband and children? THAT’S the community whose comments matter most..
@ Malationman: When I first submitted this post to Writer Dad, the first thing I said was “I wonder how many people are going to take this as a criticism of ‘Star Wars ? ‘ ” Considering that this is NOT a post about “Star Wars,” if that’s what you took from my words, I’ve been criticized for FAR worse…
@ Harmony: I’m glad you read my post. As an S.A.D. sufferer - which I do NOT minimize - I wonder how much of your “down” attitude was related to some of these issues. I’m so glad that you seem to be doing MUCH better.
@ Bamboo Forest: If Blogger Dad gave you a good laugh, then this is a perfect example of how comments should work - we take what we get, and enjoy the blog and/or the comments!
@ Glen: The three points you bring up are good ones. I, too, look for blogs where I can “enjoy reading the content.” I have begun to stay away from sites that are “no content, all comment.”
@ Miguel: The way I stopped that insanity was to clean-out my feeds, and subscribe to most blogs through email. This way, I get not only the content of the blog, but can follow along on what other commenters write on posts that I find very interesting. But, I don’t understand how a person can ask a meaningful question and NOT return for the reply. To me, that says: “I’m only asking to leave a comment, but I have so many blogs to read that I forgot who I asked what.” I take questions seriously in my comments - and do NOT return to blogs where I ask a question - which is promptly ignored.
@ Kip: This is truly NOT a new genre. I was reading a favorite blog on Slate 15 years ago. But you’re right, we need to sort things out. I believe that I am on the personal path to doing just that. It’s certainly not right for everyone, but I know that I am back to LOVING blogging, rather than seeing it as a “job.”
@ Matthew: I’m not quite sure which aspect is causing your anger. If I’ve angered you, I apologize. But my words express my point of view, not that which I wish to try to impose on others. I truly am sorry that you’re angry…but I wouldn’t change a word.
@ Emily: I’m certain that given that this is Writer Dad’s blog, that he will let you know whether he thinks you’re fabulous.
Rita
Ritas last blog post..I MET STALIN – Part I
Hey maybe people could demonstrate how genuine they are by not leaving their web address.
Just a crazy idea that has about as much chance as success as my idea to dress Sarah Palin up as a Moose and send her into the woods during hunting season.
Hi Rita,
Well, you might not understand it, but I’m sure it has happened to me. I just don’t know when.
It’s the load of being absent minded.
Miguel de Luiss last blog post..Valuable insight from a Siberian teacher.
Holly: It’s never okay to feel like a hamster in a wheel. When that happens, something’s off and it’s time to fix it. Life is short and we must move forward. Whether it’s raising our children or raising our blogs, it’s ridiculous to spin our wheels without joy. I’ve had a lot of fun on twitter so far, but I won’t be a slave to it or anything else.
Blogger Dad: Good job Blogger Dad. There are only so many minutes. We must do what we can, and sometimes more, but never so much that the fun disappears. It’s most important to take care of our own house first. You do that well. And Dave, you’re welcome to eat at my table any time.
Vered: “I too feel that if I don’t reciprocate, then I’m a jerk. But if I do reciprocate, I’m being a jerk to my family and friends. So the choice is clear.” That’s it right there, Vered. I can’t allow those feelings to manipulate me into servitude. My family needs my attention first, and I need to be using my time to spin words that will pay the mortgage, not the debt of a forgotten comment.
Malationman: Rita’s a tough lady. I’m sure that’s the least that’s on her mind.
Harmony: Silence is important, and tapping away on the keys all day long, bouncing around from blog to blog just to fill a quota of comments…. it’s making us too old too fast, by making us behave a bit too young. My pleasure.
Bamboo: Blogger Dad makes me smile a dozen times a day.
Glen: Sure, I like great site design, but an unattractive blog never bothers me. As long as the words are clear and thoughts original, I’m happy. What I do not like are the countless blogs which regurgitate ideas like billions of bytes of digital cud.
Miguel: I actually agree with you here, Miguel. I don’t subscribe to comments because my email gets flooded (I have a hard enough time as it is). I often forget, or run out of time, to follow the trail back. That doesn’t mean I didn’t mean the question when I asked.
Allison: It appears that you have just the right outlook; you are having fun. Every time you trading banter on twitter, you’re obviously having fun. Blogging is fun for you and it is obvious. Don’t allow yourself to lose that.
Kip: Even at over a decade Kip, I fully agree that Blogging is a new genre, still sorting out its own rules. The last couple of years have really seen seismic shifts and I don’t believe we’ve seen anything yet. We all need to learn day by day, and do it with integrity. You’ve always had integrity here (even when you didn’t like my joke about the contractors). Thanks.
Matthew: Happy mediums are a nice place to be. You must practice being less angry Matthew. It does nothing for you, and I believe it holds your writing back. You are best when you are funny. Rinse out the anger during November NaNoWriMo’s the perfect place.
Emily: I do indeed think you’re fabulous, Emily. You gave me the first link back I ever had, and have been with me since the beginning. You’re wonderfully sweet and genuine. Thank you for being a constant.
Scott: It’s October twenty-third. Please, Scott, come back here on November twenty-third and tell me how you’re feeling. You must adapt quickly in Blogopolis.
Julie: I agree with you in full Julie, and it is my pleasure to feature Rita. I didn’t know her topic when I gave her the invite, but I love what she chose.
Sal: Absolutely right. Wherever the conversations happen, dialogue is what it’s all about. That’s why Rita is offended by non returning commenters who ask a question only for the link.
Wendi: You’re a great commenter, and your commenting integrity is obviously golden. I have to say though, I think it’s spreading throughout the blogosphere like a forest fire, not a virus. A virus has nothing to offer, a fire clears away some of the old and makes way for some of the new. Burning off an insincere mindset is a good thing. We want to trust our comments, both in our houses and in others. Only we can make that happen.
Hayden: I SO would’ve sat with you in high school, Hayden. I love to laugh, and you know how to do that with consistency.
Rita: Great job, and you’re awesome. What Kip is saying, is that relatively, blogging is new. I have to agree. Movies were around well before “The Jazz Singer,” but they were never the same after.
Tim: That is an amazing idea that has a snowball’s chance.
Sean,
I agree and will amend my comment to *Forest Fire* You are right, it is much more accurate. I guess I am saying I am sad that this mentality exists in grown-ups at all. But then again, I was sad in high school too that the mentalities that existed there weren’t burnt out by something-perferably common sense, but I haven’t seen that fire in any high school.
Wendi Kelly-Life’s Little Inspirationss last blog post..Speaking From the Heart
Interesting how our approach to blogging changes over time. In the beginning, it’s like falling in love. You are obsessed with it. It’s all you see, feel, eat, smell. It gives you an incredible rush. But then one of two things happen. You realize it was really only lust, the fires have died down, and you give it up. Or, it settles into love, and you settle into a comfortable, manageable, routine that works best for you.
Urban Panthers last blog post..There is no Alice in the kitchen
That was a wonderful post, and you mentioned many points that I am struggling with. I am find that I am spreading myself too thin, not unlike Bilbo when he says he’s like butter across a piece of toast. What to do? The problem is, I really do like most of the blogs I’ve encountered, and want to read them and comment. There just ISN’T the time. It’s a tough call. I’m still struggling with it all.
I’m glad this topic received some attention. It really needed to. Blogging, after all, is a creative pursuit–something we do because we feel strongly about something or want to share something that we believe, do, or simply enjoy. And then we go and spend more time and energy commenting than we do creating!? Doesn’t make a lot of sense. Especially when commenting does little more than feed the ego–something that destroys the real reason why we started blogging in the first place. First, we blogged to be creative because we liked how it felt to be creative, but now we’re blogging because it makes us feel good to get comments, but that only happens when we comment. So, we spend our time commenting instead of creating great things. Again, doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. Urban Panther said it well: it’s lust.
If you follow 43Folders.com, you’ll know the changes Merlin Mann is taking on this front. Shawn Blanc has also turned off comments in hopes of a better blogging tomorrow.
At first, I thought this attitude of silencing voices on comments was a bit snobbish. After all, we’ve all got something to say, right? Well, we do, and that’s why blogs are free. I feel the best way to respond to something you loved or hated is to write about it on your own blog. Write something worth reading and people who really want to read it–really read every single word–will do so.
People wanting link love should write something worthy of it; tagging other blogs up with mindless comments is surely not the best use of our time.
Again, I’m happy this topic got some attention–I was loving every word up until when Rita said she didn’t like Star Wars. That’s simply unforgivable
Uh… no comment.
CK Lunchboxs last blog post..Lessons From A Blogging Blockhead
Blogging IS a lot like High School, especially with the little cliques.
Like the “Cool Kids” who only let a select few into their group. And the Wannabees who wanna be like them, and keep telling them how great they are.
Everyone wants to get noticed by the Most Popular Girl in School and the Captain of the Football team. .
The Nerds and Geeks write very intelligently, but are underappreciated and can’t seem to attract any readers. Then there’s the “Goth Crowd” that refuse to conform, they’re loners and they don’t care.
Finally, there’s the Teachers who try to get the class to pay attention, not always successfully.
It’s one big popularity contest.
I was never into that. When I was a teen, I just did my own thing. I ended up being the Class Clown: a role I was (and still am) very comforatable with.
Hmmm..now that I think of it, nothing much has changed since High School.
Friars last blog post..Things About the Workplace I Don’t Wanna Understand
Rita - This is brilliant and so true. I never knew folk asked you questions and never came back to see the answers. That is totally pointless and rude. I only ask you questions because I want to know the answers.
I stopped commenting on a lot of blogs months ago but I felt the pressure to join in and become part of the community. And I do like the community part of it - trouble is, as you say, some of it is not really proper community. How can folk who flit round making pointless comments on blog posts they don’t even read, really make any real sort of connection with folk?
I also think the huge comment communities which have sprung up over the last few months can cause another harmful illusion. You see, I used to think it was great that these communities encouraged a lot of new bloggers to keep going.
But the sad fact is, some of them shouldn’t keep going at all and it’s unfair of us to encourage them to do so. I only read blogs I enjoy but I must admit, I have come across some really bad blogs that are part of these comment communities.
Some of them are written so badly that it’s pretty obvious the writer doesn’t even like writing, or care about the quality of what they’ve written, so long as they get a heap of comments. I even read a comment the other day where the blogger admitted they didn’t like writing. So why on earth do they bother?
Others I’ll read and think - WTF was that meant to say - and does the writer even understand what they’ve written? And don’t get me started on some of the ones which are so obviously plagiarised from text books, with a few words changed.
Regarding memes, I avoided them at first. But I must admit, I gave in to temptation eventually. I shouldn’t have, as they really have no place on my blog - I’ve already deleted one of them.
Wendi: Then forest fire it is. : > ) This mentality exists in toddlers, adolescents, and adults. It exists in people period. Let’s just make sure it doesn’t happen to us.
Urban Panther: Well said. It’s fine to start out in a fury, but it’s imperative that we re-calibrate before it’s too late. I’m not quite at a comfortable, manageable routine, but I’m confident I’ll get there.
VodkaMom: I tell my wife that she’s spread so thin she’s starting to look invisible. There isn’t enough time, and it’s paramount to prioritize.
Oktober Five: Hey, Oktober. It’s beautiful to see you. Your points are very well made. It is far more important to be creative and stay true to the reasons we got started. It’s also important to raise our voices when we have something genuine to say. Empire Strikes Back is when it really got good.
CK Lunchbox: Best. Comment. Ever.
Friar: I’m with you, buddy. Class clown all the way.
Cath: Thanks for dropping by. I love smart ladies.
@ Scott: The biggest impact I’m trying to make is on newer bloggers; if you feel that “blood-sucking vampire” even beginning - re-think. I agree100% with Writer Dad: come back in a month or two, and then let’s see how you feel…and good luck on your blog!
@ Julie: I am in total agreement with your agreement of what I stated!
I, too, like simple. Design means little to me. The quality and value of what is being said could be on a brown paper bag. If it’s good, I’m there!
@ Wendi: You are, ironically, one of the few exceptions to the points I make. Sometimes I go to your blog, sometimes you come to my blog, but I feel a respect with and from you that you are NOT into the “reciporcity” game. (And thanks for the compliment on the writing.)
@ Hayden: Other than throwing a few of my words back at me, I have NO idea what you’re talking about - or why you commented…sorry.
@ Tim: I’ve taken a LOT of flak for not putting people’s “last post” on my comment area. My comment area is not meant to be used as advertising space. I don’t take ads - from anyone.
As to your Palin comment, one topic I tend to avoid is poitics. However, you could forego the Moose Suit and just send her hunting with Dick Cheney.
@ Miguel: Ig you do not remember who you ask questions of, I can only assume that you leave a huge quanitity of comments. If somebody asks me a question in my comments, I will do my darndest to answer it. To give ME work to do for YOU just for the sake of your leaving a comment is, frankly, a bit insulting. I wonder if the insight frim your Siberian teacher addresses what it feels like to getting asked questions that the questioner has no interest in having answered.
@ Urban Panther: I agree with what you are saying 100%. But sometimes that “comforatble routine” starts to grow tiresome - and the love starts to diminish. I want that love back, and the ony way to do it is by “breaking away” from a routine that has become so tiresome and time-consuming that you have to leave what has turned into an “uncomfortable bondage.” I’m glad that hasn’t happened to you.
@ vodkamom: I, too, am still struggling with it. But even the blogs I love occasionally address a topic that just doesn’t appeal to me that day - or that week. That’s the perfect opportunity for me to try something new - or take some time to myself. But I WILL go back to that beloved blog for the next post. I have yet to see a blog where EVERY post is something that interests me.
Rita
Ritas last blog post..I MET STALIN – Part I
Okay, no I actually do have one, and yes, I’m going to echo the collective sigh of relief I’m hearing in the above comments. I’m lucky to have a number of regular readers who comment and I enjoy the banter back and forth with them.
At the same time, however, I’d prefer that people not comment on my posts if they feel it’s their only ticket to getting me back to their site. There are a number of blogs out their that I really enjoy, but I enjoy them because the realness of the people behind them shows through in their content and I’ll continue to come back whether they comment or not.
If I don’t comment, it’s not meant to blow them off. One of my rules for comments is to not leave one unless I actually have something that will add to the discussion (debating it or affirming it). And it must be sincere. No, “You’z da bomb” sort of junk. People recognize when comments are just meant to get you to their site.
The double edged sword for blogging is that it gives anyone, especially aspiring writers, free access to any audience that they can get their url in front of. Comments (and stat counters) provide that immediate gratification many writers crave in order to prop up their insecurities. Panhandling for comments then leads to a false sense of reaching your potential as a writer. It’s like calling yourself a Supermodel because a few people complimented your photo spread from Glamor Shots. I digress.
I’ve been at this place before, lest anyone reading this think I’m leaning back in the saddle on my high horse here. I still do this at times, and as such have seriously considered closing off comments. Not to kill readership, but to focus on providing better content.
I’d rather be and A+ writer (and person), than an A+ blogger.
Thanks for the post and thanks Writer Dad for fronting Rita today.
CK Lunchboxs last blog post..Lessons From A Blogging Blockhead
@ Oktober Five: I certainly hope that my last line about “Star Wars” didn’t diminish what I wrote - or me - in your eyes…sometimes a blogger’s gotta do what a blogger’s gotta do! Titles are important, I believe, and if I “rope” people in to read what I’m saying by havin “Star Wars” in the Title, then my bog has been a success nonetheless!
@Friar: I have never seen you compromise, agree with a blogger just for the sake of agreement, or be anything other than what you are: an intelligent, yet funny person. You are the farthest thing from a “lemming” as anyone I’ve ever known - right Perfessor?
@ Cath: You’re right, I agree, You’re on the Money and Yes. You touched upon a few things that I avoided: the sometimes “incestuous” nature of the blogging “community” - there actually “COMMUNITIES.” And, of course, though we all make mistakes and typos, I won’t waste my time on someby whose blog starts “your smart and their are things you and me agree on.” That’s not writing - it’s a call for help! Thanks for what you wrote. Your someone who did good.
Rita
Ritas last blog post..I MET STALIN – Part I
I have to chime in and agree with Rita’s observations. Rita put me on her blogroll (jewelryblogger) and I’ve got to say that after writing posts and posting up to date news and events in the jewelry industry on my blog, I finally gave up:-)
I recently submitted a few posts to Rita (I’m now a political pundit contributor) and enjoyed writing those articles and posting them on Rita’s blog, as opposed to my own.
I actually feel I got more out of writing as a guest blogger then focusing on updating my own blog.
Thanks for reading,
John
I’ve never been to your blog but found it today. Why? Because I’m looking for more dad blogs to read. I just started my blog as an exercise in writing and now as practice for NaNoWriMo but it’s been a blast. I find Rita’s comments spot on. I’m not sure about the HS mentality, certainly the HS experience, good or not, has a tremendous impact on who we are as adults. That said, we grow from that or smother it whichever is suitable. I visit sites I like but, like Blogger Dad, am more inclined to leave comments to make public my blog — but it is killing two birds with one stone. I get to read more blogs and hopefully more people will read mine which are both good things. Regardless, we all want to be wanted and that will never end. We all want to be liked, praised, loved and trusted as authorities in our own particular cellar of the world. Maybe in blogging it’s just the approach that matters. Best of luck Writer Dad, I’ll be bookmarking your blog, reading and yes, commenting!
Punditdads last blog post..How I Voted & Why
Hi, I’ve been reading WriterDad for a short while, and I thoroughly enjoy your insights, especially the ones in this post. As a high school educator I have to say: it is truly amazing how little high school has changed in the last 30 years. I might also point out that I would rather our students skip graduation for a movie than show up (and give speeches!) drunk out of their minds, as happened last year.
@Rita
Er.
Well, I found amusement in your graduation story. Shared mine. Then asked a question about your point number 6. The made a goofy comment.
So…er, I guess I won’t be commenting on anything you write.
Hayden Tompkinss last blog post..How to Overcome Jealousy
I have seen this topic come up several times and as a new blogger, it’s definitely interesting. Starting out, I wanted to leave comments just because I liked what I read but I was scared to because I wasn’t sure what to say or how and I didn’t want to come across as dorky or lacking substance. I think Writer Dad’s blog was one of the first places I had ever commented. I didn’t really have a lot that I felt was worth saying but I wanted him to know I liked his writing. As with face to face relationships, it sometimes takes a little time for the comfort level to change enough to put thoughts and feelings out there.
I love getting comments on my blog. I get a big kick looking at my stats to see where visits have come from - even those random ones that had no intention of visiting my blog, just hit upon it in a search. I know my blog is geared more towards family and friends who are out of state and want to keep up with what we’re doing so aiming for high traffic was never my intent. I always try and return a comment left for me and I comment when I read something I like. The fact that my comments lead people to my little corner is just a bonus.
Good comments are like a good conversation and debate and often lead to others posting about something they’ve read in another’s comments. Posting comments just to get visits I’m sure happens a lot, but if no one commented, there would be no community or discussion.
I will say, though, I hate to think someone won’t visit just because I’m on Blogger. What’s with the dislike of blogger? I don’t get it…
Kool Aids last blog post..gourmet apples and a shout out
CK Lunchbox: I completely agree. Dialogue is great, as long as it isn’t thin. Also, confidence is important, so long as it isn’t build on a fragile foundation. The compliments I’ve received on Writer Dad have helped fuel my writing to a place it wouldn’t be otherwise, at least not yet, but I can certainly see how insincerity would only drive me into a tangled nest of frustration. “I’d rather be an A+ writer (and person), than an A+ blogger.” Well said, and I couldn’t agree more unless you finished it by saying burritos are delicious.
John: I enjoyed your posts on Rita’s blog. I’ve enjoyed my guest posts as well. They give me a chance to step out of myself with a slightly different voice, and the chance to comment in someone else’s house.
Punditdad: Welcome, we’re glad to have you. You’re absolutely right. We all want praise, it is what drives us. I’m glad you took the time to comment, and I look forward to furthering our conversation.
Aylad: Thanks, I’m really glad you’re enjoying the site. High School is high school. Someday, I’ll spin the yarn of my own experience. Just not today.
Kool Aid: I still remember your first comment, and I remember clicking over to your site and being surprised by the wonderful name. You’re a wonderful commenter. Every time you’ve left your words, you’ve also left behind value. Thank you for that. Glen is a super nice guy, and does have a fantastic looking site, but I agree that that comment came off as a little elitist. Some people just want to have a simple canvas to paint the hummingbirds. There is NOTHING wrong with that. You’re doing a great job, and should keep doing exactly as you are.
awwww, shucks…..
Kool Aids last blog post..I’m a twit
Huh. I didn’t get the memo suggesting we pimp our blogs out on the commenting strip. If this really is high school then Imina go stand behind the punch bowl with the dorks who grew up to be way cool.
Betsy Wuebkers last blog post..LOOK OUT!
@Rita: Oh my god! Don’t even think it was you who is the cause of that. I’ve just been upset over a few things I’ve seen over the blogosphere. It’s not major, it’s nothing at all, really. This post was great and it highlights some great points. Don’t even worry about what I said. It was barely a complete thought.
(We’ll have to disagree on Star Wars though!)
Matthew Drydens last blog post..Interviews Make Me Nervous
Hi Rita - Someone really said that didn’t they and I can’t remember who it was. It’s bugging me now.
@WriterDad - I am not so smart when it comes to basic things like working the tv and video, but I think that is probably lazyness.
Cath Lawsons last blog post..YOU Have Never Been More Powerful
@ Allison: I’m happy for you that you never “bought in” with one”popular crowd.” If I had to pinpoint my OWN errors, that would be the one that I started with!
@ Sal: I agree with you, and that’s why I always get comments sent to my email. That way, if I want to go back and participate in the coversation, I can do so - without having missed a comment on ONLY those posts I, myself, have commented on!
@ John: As you know, I rarely take “guest posters.” You, however, are ALWAYS an addition to the content of Rita’s Digest on a topic I prefer to personally avoid: politics. It is always a joy to have a “seasoned blogger and intelligent political writer” such as yourself on the Digest!
@ Punditdad: As Writer Dad said, we are all looking fo praise. When somebody comments on my blog, I am also open to disagreement. Comments keep the writing in the original post alive, which is why I answer each and every one. To me, providing the name of the commenter does more to making his/her blog known than by providing the title to a particular post. A person can click on your name, and read any of the posts you’ve written! I believe that an intelligent and genuine commenter is the best “ad” for his/her own blog, as people want to get to know YOU, not your curent post.
@ Hayden: I don’t believe that Writer Dad disagrees with many commenters. I am not Writer Dad. I went back and re-read your post. It addressed none of the issues in my blog - except for an introductory paragraph. Your “question on #6″ was incomprehensible to me. And your second attempt to “clarify” only brought more attention to self-aggrandizement than any point mentioned in the blog. Hence, you and I are in total agreement: you won’t be commenting on anything I write. Somehow I don’t think that will cause me a moment’s of lost sleep.
@ Kool Aid: It appears that you have a great and well-balanced view of blogging and commenting. I think that’s terrific. As to Blogger, I have NO idea. Sorry,
@ Betsy: Sounds like a great plan! Apparently, however, you already grew up by seeing no reason to”pimp your blog.” More power to you!
@ CK Lunchbox: I’m so glad you came back and left a thoughtful and interesting comment. I, too, would like to be an A+ blogger, but I’d much rather do with with A+ writing and A+ content. I don’t look at me “comment count” as my “grade.” I look at the qulality of the comments, and to how I feel after a post goes up.
@ Aylad: As a former High School teacher myself, I agree. And I’d prefer a blogger “high on self-recognition” skip my blogs altogether! They can catch the 9:45 ahow together!
Rita
Ritas last blog post..I MET STALIN – PART II
@ Matthew: We’re cool. Not to worry…I know you’ve been seaching for that “balance,” and not having an easy time of it. I was hoping that it was NOT my words that upset you, but the content - and the message! And disagreeing on “Star Wars” is OK too. I DID like the scenes with Harrison Ford, though…
Rita
Ritas last blog post..I MET STALIN – PART II
Writer Dad, Rita , Everyone - Thanks for the replies and for the comments. It’s as if I needed this post and comments now before it was too late or something. I’m in awe actually. A bit confused. I guess kinda like the freshman going into high school for his second or third day. I want to say something cause I’m interested in the subject, I’ve researched for several months before going to school how to act in school, but maybe, maybe the seniors in the room still don’t wanna hear it. I spoke anyway and as the day progressed, I kept reading the replies that were coming in and I felt like I have been schooled, so to speak. Not that I felt that they were directed at me, just the comments sounded almost completely opposite of what I had thought I had read before starting this. Then again, I may need to re-read them for the 4th time. It is very interesting non-the-less.
At any rate, I’m loving what I’m doing and this site and Writer Dad’s style, and now yours, it’s all inspiring. I’m gonna keep coming back. If it’s ok, I would like to come back before November 23rd though
-Scott
Scotts last blog post..We stare at weblogs, what do cats stare at?
Betsy: Me too.
Cath: I just recently learned that I could twist the ice cube trays to drop the ice, rather than banging them with all my force into the bin.
Rita: Hayden was being playful with you, as is her nature. LMAO stands for laughing my ass off. She thought it was funny that you didn’t want to go to your graduation, and then related a story of her own. She too didn’t want attend her graduation, and wouldn’t had she not been ambushed by her mom. The second part of her comment is her saying that she doesn’t even know who is in the popular crowd because she’s off in her corner doing her own thing. This is in line with you saying you’re finding interesting people to sit with.
Scott: You are welcome here any time, and please don’t ever hesitate to comment. Commenting is always worth it, so long as you have something to contribute, and the energy to do it.
@ Scott: What a beautifully-written and thooughtful comment. So, do you think you’re ready for graduation? Or are you going to skip it and go straight to Blogger College?
I think I know Writer Dad well enough to sat that you’re welcome at ANY time. And that goes for me, too! Stop by, and we’ll “chat!”
Rita
@ Writer Dad:
I know that LMAO means. I know what LMAOAPOTF means. I know what BRB means. I also know what LMAOACFI means. I don’t need translations, thanks. This is your blog, and for that reason only do I apologize - to you - for upsetting one of your readers. Hayden wrote the type of comment that I didn’t find contributed to much of the conversation, and then came back and did the same. These are the types of “comments” that I, personally, find pointless. They are self-aggrandizing. So, given that I’ve been “socializing” on the computer just a few more years than you have, here’s one for you: CYB!
Rita
Ritas last blog post..I MET STALIN – PART II
@Writer Dad:
Thanks. I appreciate the welcome.
@Rita:
I’ve learned today that I’ve still got some, no, a LOT of schooling to do. You guys and gals have really helped me a whole biggo bunch, and you just don’t know how much I appreciate that.
First let me just say, HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND!!
And in the words of CK Lunchbox who phrased it so well…You’z da bomb.
See ya’ll around
-Scott
Scotts last blog post..We stare at weblogs, what do cats stare at?
Matthew: I’ve been thinking about what I said earlier. I was wrong. Please allow me to restate. I feel you should channel what’s inside you, anger or otherwise, and climb to the next level of your already wonderful writing. November is going to be an amazing month for you.
Tim: I didn’t even catch that earlier, that you turned off the link. Four others followed suit. Good on you.
Rita: I only know the first one. None of the others. Hayden’s comment made me laugh, and that was enough of a contribution for me. Apologies aren’t necessary. Good communication is about discovering what makes others tick.
Sean- “Rita’s a tough lady. I’m sure that’s the least that’s on her mind.”
I bet the “force” is strong with her.
malathionmans last blog post..Raise That Bar
Rita- Nooooo, that’s not all that I got from your words. I can relate to ALL of what you said.
Did you know High School Musical 3 opens tomorrow?
malathionmans last blog post..Raise That Bar
@ Scott: Apparently, yes I guess I’ve lost my mind. You seem to have found it. Though it’s not the best one around, I’m thrilled that you have “learned what you need to learn.” That’s a bold admission, and one for which I give you a LOT of credit! You are welcome at ANY time! (And if you DO find my mind, would you please return it?)
@ malationaman: Indeed, the force is with me. and I KNOW you relate…that came through loud and clear. I hope you dont mind, but I think I’ll take a “pass” on tomorrow’s opening. I think my cat needs to be washed!
Ritas last blog post..I MET STALIN – PART II
@ WRITER DAD and Everyone,
Thank you for allowing me to share my thoughts with you today. Whether you agree or disagree, I have found this to be an incredibly positive experience., with an excellent comment thread. Writer Dad, I “heart” you as well; clearly, so do your readers. Thank you for opening your blog - and your heart to me.
To everyone: Namaste.
Rita
Ritas last blog post..I MET STALIN – PART II
It doesn’t make sense to leave comments about things that you don’t have much to say about (or aren’t interested in)
Part of it is about reclaiming your time and life, and only adding value where you are really able to or where you need to find value for yourself.
Part of it is finding out which tribe you really belong to - and not a tribe like a clique in highschool but a tribe that resonates deep within your being.
Remember that comment you left on my blog? What’s interesting is that I can’t find many traditional blogs in ‘my niche’ where I want to leave comments. So I don’t. And neither should any of us if something doesn’t move us to do so. Otherwise you’re just adding spam to the trashpile.
And you know what a lot of spam piled together smells like.
Rita, I’ve got to tell you I’m disappointed at the stance you’ve taken here. Not in your article but in your response to comments. You’ve set out the rules for engaging Rita and the bar is set pretty high - many people won’t be able to reach it on a consistent basis and by default they’ll be excluded.
It’s back to High School again.
You can be a prickly character Rita and that is some of your appeal without a doubt, but I didn’t like the way you were so dismissive of Hayden, it was totally unnecessary and I think you should have taken the time to understand. If you really didn’t care for what was said, you could have overlooked it.
Now I’ve seen enough death and misery to last me a lifetime which is why I often adopt a light-hearted way to express myself. So I like the people who chip in with something short and sweet. They show their support by their presence. Some people reach out for the first time by saying ‘great stuff’ or ‘love your website’, it doesn’t automatically mean they’re spammers. Why can’t they be given the benefit of the doubt?
If I was at a party and someone said, “Hi, that’s a great shirt you’re wearing.” I wouldn’t ignore them because they had nothing of substance to say, and I certainly would admonish them for having the ‘nerve’ to speak to me.
If people aren’t overtly destructive, what does it really matter? And yes, sometimes people forget, sometimes people make mistakes, sometimes people over commit for all the right reasons and just end up getting it wrong. It’s not the end of the world.
Like you, I’m not particularly fond of reading bad grammar or poor spelling, but as I’m far from perfect I do try to look past it and enjoy the message.
I’m sorry but I didn’t enjoy this exchange.
Rita, I enjoy what you write, I enjoy your wit, your dry sense of humour. I enjoy the fact that you are intellectually my superior but I don’t always enjoy the way you ‘speak’ to people.
Sorry to put a dampener on things but it was important to me to say this.
I hope you understand.
All the best,
Dave.
Dave Fowlers last blog post..My First Guest Post
Dave Fowler - Well said. I, too, was surprised by Rita’s comments to Hayden, who is among the top commenters on this site. I believe that Writer Dad responded well by taking the time to attempt to explain the situation to Rita on the off chance that she misinterpreted Hayden’s intent.
I’ve seen many a misunderstandings start small and blow up (sort of like high school drama, eh?) and I firmly believe that all problems between people can be resolved through discussion. Writer Dad’s comment allowed Rita both a chance to retract her comment and to save face, after having had some time to think about it. More surprisingly, Rita turned down the opportunity and instead took a second unwarranted shot at Hayden.
I know Rita via our blogs and our brief collaboration, I respect Rita, and I like Rita. I don’t know Hayden at all, but I’m with Dave on this one. I hope that Rita hasn’t scared Hayden or others from leaving comments in this community which has handles past controversy in a very thoughtful manner with respect on all sides.
Blogger Dads last blog post..An early Halloween treat
Sorry, I meant to say “I certainly WOULDN’T admonish them.”
Apologies.
Dave Fowlers last blog post..My First Guest Post
I never bought into all this cool kid crap in high school. We all had our different clicks, and sometimes there was overlap. For me, Writer Dad (the blog) is a great overlap for many different bloggers. He has writing, parenting, and just a feel-good (most of the time) atmosphere.
Sean is an infectiously happy person. You can’t help but smile at his writing. And he’s created (or shared?) a wonderful world for and with us.
All of this being said, I was a floater in high school. I hung out with many different crowds. I never managed to bring anyone together, but I’ve had a fair share of different cliques. But I always drifted in and out of them. I never stuck to one place for very long.
@ Dave and Writer Dad,
Thank you for your opinions - they were well stated, and taught me something about myself. I have been thinking about this situation all night. Yes, I was too rough on Hayden, a woman I don’t know - and I apologize to everyone who was offended.
“Sensitivity” is not my strong suit at times. If I had to do it again, here is what I would do: I would have kept my first comment in place, as I had NO idea what Hayden was talking about. And I should have just IGNORED the second comment- something I am loathe to do. But yes, admonishing somebody CAN be hurtful - and I did not mean my remarks to be hurtful, but to make a point.
I don’t know Hayden. I apologize if I “hurt” Hayden. And I will say it straight out: Hayden, I am sorry.
That being said, I went through the entire comment thread a number of times. I would say that I agreed with, or comlimented well over 95% of commenters. I disagreed with two. I don’t necessarily agree that that shows a lack of respect. The point of the blog was mani-fold, but clearly a large issue was on “leaving comments.” Since you know Hayden, as does Writer Dad, I missed the “sense of humor” in her comments. I still do. You both know that I can be as “silly” as the next person. Hayden’s comments were totally lost on me.
I apologize for offending. Dave, I am far from your “intellectual superior,” and tha