Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn’t.
~Erica Jong
Last week, the blogger I hearted was Dave Wright from Blogger Dad. This week it’s Rita, from Rita’s Digest.
Rita and I crossed words our first meeting. By the time Writer Dad closed shop for the day, we’d both had our say, along with immediate mutual respect. We’ve disagreed since, but even our strongest disputes conclude with a simple Namasté.
I believe there is no one in Blogopolis who wishes me success more than Rita. She is my biggest cheerleader. As I said earlier this week, the power of praise runs in both directions.
Rita is also my biggest critic.
A couple of weeks back, Rita took me aside. “Check yourself before you wreck yourself,” she said (though not in those words).
You know when you’re running in circles, juggling a dozen things with the speed of a bullet and the accuracy of a shotgun, then you bark your shin without even feeling it, only to find a medley of black and blue by the end of the day?
That’s what I was doing with comments; not just here, but everywhere. Rita’s words made me seriously reconsider my approach. I’ve been wanting to write about the subject for a while, but there’s no need. Rita’s words triggered tremendous talk on Vered’s blog yesterday, and she’s done a splendid job here.
Of course, I have plenty to add, but I’ll do it downstairs.
Enjoy:
“Star Wars,” High School and Blogging
I graduated from High School on a warm May evening in 1977. Though there were 1,400 seniors in my graduating class, ONLY 1,100 met the requirements to graduate that night. The ceremony itself didn’t matter…none of us planned on attending, as there was a new movie opening that night, and we all wanted to see the movie instead. The movie: “Star Wars.” The top 50 or 60 students in the class were ripped apart by our collectively acquainted parents: you may not care about being handed that diploma, but we do. Go to graduation, let us snap a few shots, and then you can see the movie. In agreement, that is how most of my friends and I graduated from High School – in haste.
That was 31 years ago. Certainly, much has happened in that time. One thing that I’ve realized as one daughter graduates college, and one enters, is that life is never the same after High School. I firmly held that belief until one month ago, while blogging. I am now back in High School. Though High School wasn’t too bad at 15 or 16, it has no place in my life as I near 50. Being a blogger is like being in High School.
How is blogging like being in High School again? I’m glad I asked.
1. “I called you yesterday, so it’s your turn to call me today.” Such is the same with commenting on blogs. I stopped commenting on most blogs three weeks ago, though I generally read 20 or so blogs a day, and 40 or more on my “Touch Base Tuesdays.” If I have something to add that hasn’t already been said, something to disagree with, or something I’d like clarified I leave a comment. I have stopped playing “I’ll comment for you if you comment for me.” I DO agree: blogging is a social medium. But my husband, children and “real-life” friends were being short-changed, because I was commenting on so many blogs on which I really had little to say. I have never taken an ad, never expected to make money off of blogging, and never paid attention to the “numbers.” If people wish to read what I have to say, come on over. If you care to leave a comment, I will try to give you a thoughtful response. But expecting “reciprocity” on leaving comments does NOT mean that I’m not reading your blog for the pure enjoyment of it.
2. “Tag, you’re it.” Meme’s can be fun to read at times, but most posts I write are extended meme’s. I have no “theme,” hence I write what is on my mind, and is a reflection of my thoughts. Sometimes I’m in a funny mood, sometimes I’m in a sad mood, and sometimes I just want to get across a point that I feel is important. I DON’T have a favorite post, and it doesn’t really matter what color my eyes are. This is why I generally “refuse” to be tagged. This may make me look old and curmudgeonly, but the only way NOT to play a game is to remove your piece from the board.
3. “I need to hang with the popular crowd.” No, I don’t. I want to “hang” with people who write well, offer interesting perspectives, open my eyes to new ideas or shake me up a bit. I made the mistake early on of hanging with one “popular crowd” – for the most part, a lovely crowd. But, as in High School, there are the Athletes, the Cheerleaders, the “Prom King and Queen,” the Academics – and the solitary person sitting at the lunch table who just moved to town and has nobody to tell about who they are, what their lives are like, what their dreams are. I’ve begun to put my lunch tray down at their tables more recently. Many of them are incredibly “cool,” and offer fresh perspectives.
4. “Here’s Your Summer Reading List.” Perhaps you remember that list of book after book on the same “topic” to be written about on the first day of the new school year. Now it’s bloggers with URL after URL on the same topic. Were I interested in that topic, I would Google it myself, and if I didn’t have a clue about the topic, I would do the same. I read enough blogs. I don’t need a blog that provides lists and lists of OTHER blogs – all of which address the same topic.
5. “Ooh, Teacher, call on me, call on me.” This is the one that gets me the most. Somebody will ask me a question – a GOOD question – and I will research it, try to provide an answer and do so in a way that the person listens to the answer, rather than hears it. But I’m learning, that just as in the classrooms I teach, many people ask questions to look particularly smart – or ignorant – but don’t even care to come back for the answers. That is why I only subscribe to blogs in my email now. I want to read other people’s questions and answers. And I have learned that many of those who ask questions of ME don’t even come back for the answer. I’m always happy – delighted – to answer questions. As a teacher I know that teaching to an empty classroom is a waste of time.
6. “We are a community.” It is true – we are, in many ways, a community. Like a High School class is a community. I bought into that game in blogging, and sold too much of myself for a piece of the action; for just as we are a community, we are also competitors. Bloggers want to be “A+” bloggers, and the way to do that is to insulate yourself so much that the same group of bloggers read and comment with the same group of bloggers. Read the names of the top 10 commenters on the blogs you visit; chances are, most are the same. Bloggers WANT to be seen with the “big blogs” so that, in many cases, the others on the “big blog” lists will come to them. Community or competition?
It may appear that I’m down on blogging. Nothing could be further from the truth. It is many (not all) BLOGGERS that I am down on – starting with myself. I love to write, but I sold out. And I lost too much of myself – and my life. I will continue to blog, but I will treat it as an adult endeavor, for I am an adult. Anybody who wishes to read my words is more than welcome to do so. If you wish to leave a comment, please do; but please don’t feel compelled to do so to “prove” that you were there. I already KNOW who was there, as do you all.
I’m sorry now that I missed most of my High School graduation, as it was a milestone. I ended up missing College graduation, because my grandmother died the day before. These days, I don’t want to miss more things that I will regret, like reading a book, spending time with friends and family and tending to my physical and mental health as I age. Plus I didn’t like “Star Wars” one bit.
Thanks, Rita. Well said.
Writer Dad
If you enjoyed these words, please subscribe (for free) by RSS or Email. I tweet here, and Stumble here. Thanks.
About Sean Platt
You’ve confirmed my suspicions; that, and personal experience have confirmed for me (again) that I am eternally glad and thankful to have skipped three high school grades and a Prom. (As if I didn’t know this watching my daughter go through high school.)
I love getting comments; I love seeing signs of intelligent life out there (it is reassuring, some days – scary, others). I love conversation. But I LOATHE “obligatory reciprocity” in commenting.
It’s so easy to get caught up in all this “social networking” and you just end up feeling like a hamster on a wheel.
Holly Jahangiris last blog post..Punctuation Check-Up: The Doctor Will See You Now
You’ve confirmed my suspicions; that, and personal experience have confirmed for me (again) that I am eternally glad and thankful to have skipped three high school grades and a Prom. (As if I didn’t know this watching my daughter go through high school.)
I love getting comments; I love seeing signs of intelligent life out there (it is reassuring, some days – scary, others). I love conversation. But I LOATHE “obligatory reciprocity” in commenting.
It’s so easy to get caught up in all this “social networking” and you just end up feeling like a hamster on a wheel.
Holly Jahangiris last blog post..Punctuation Check-Up: The Doctor Will See You Now
Great guest post, Rita. MUCH better than that jerk last week! You made a lot of great points. Though I’ve only been blogging for two months, I’ve been caught up running in the hamster wheel that is commenting.
I am grateful that a lot of bloggers check out what I have to say, and I feel a tremendous obligation to go back to their sites as an act of reciprocation. I only comment if I have something of value to add, even if it’s just a funny one liner. However, I FEEL like I should be commenting at more blogs. Why should I expect anyone to comment at my site if I’m not commenting at theirs?
But here’s the thing, I’m not only a blogger. I’m also a cartoonist who draws a regular comic strip which has a much, much larger audience than my blog. And I have spent so much time blogging and commenting that I’ve let my comic fall by the wayside. And for what? To stay in the game?
There just aren’t enough hours in the day to do all that I want to do, so something has to give. Either quality content or comments elsewhere. It’s not a hard choice – it has to be comments elsewhere.
So, I’m going to hunker down and concentrate on my own creative pursuits. I’ll comment elsewhere when I can. I’ll always respond to comments left on my site. Hopefully my readers won’t think I’m a jerk. And if they do, I’ll just be another one of those loners eating lunch by himself at the uncool table.
It won’t be the first time.
Blogger Dads last blog post..Our baby story – Part Two : I’m not ready!
Great guest post, Rita. MUCH better than that jerk last week! You made a lot of great points. Though I’ve only been blogging for two months, I’ve been caught up running in the hamster wheel that is commenting.
I am grateful that a lot of bloggers check out what I have to say, and I feel a tremendous obligation to go back to their sites as an act of reciprocation. I only comment if I have something of value to add, even if it’s just a funny one liner. However, I FEEL like I should be commenting at more blogs. Why should I expect anyone to comment at my site if I’m not commenting at theirs?
But here’s the thing, I’m not only a blogger. I’m also a cartoonist who draws a regular comic strip which has a much, much larger audience than my blog. And I have spent so much time blogging and commenting that I’ve let my comic fall by the wayside. And for what? To stay in the game?
There just aren’t enough hours in the day to do all that I want to do, so something has to give. Either quality content or comments elsewhere. It’s not a hard choice – it has to be comments elsewhere.
So, I’m going to hunker down and concentrate on my own creative pursuits. I’ll comment elsewhere when I can. I’ll always respond to comments left on my site. Hopefully my readers won’t think I’m a jerk. And if they do, I’ll just be another one of those loners eating lunch by himself at the uncool table.
It won’t be the first time.
Blogger Dads last blog post..Our baby story – Part Two : I’m not ready!
Wow. What a powerful post. But of course, how could I expect anything less from my Rita. :)
When Blogger Dad says “I am grateful that a lot of bloggers check out what I have to say, and I feel a tremendous obligation to go back to their sites as an act of reciprocation.” I can relate. I too feel that if I don’t reciprocate, then I’m a jerk. But if I do reciprocate, I’m being a jerk to my family and friends. So the choice is clear.
Vered – MomGrinds last blog post..Chocolate-Covered Strawberries
Wow. What a powerful post. But of course, how could I expect anything less from my Rita. :)
When Blogger Dad says “I am grateful that a lot of bloggers check out what I have to say, and I feel a tremendous obligation to go back to their sites as an act of reciprocation.” I can relate. I too feel that if I don’t reciprocate, then I’m a jerk. But if I do reciprocate, I’m being a jerk to my family and friends. So the choice is clear.
Vered – MomGrinds last blog post..Chocolate-Covered Strawberries
You are probably going to get hammered with hate comments for saying you didn’t like “Star Wars”.
malathionmans last blog post..Raise That Bar
You are probably going to get hammered with hate comments for saying you didn’t like “Star Wars”.
malathionmans last blog post..Raise That Bar
This has been a refreshing post for me. I have taken quite a bit of flack for allowing myself not to post as much, and to read, and comment…I like encouraging others in that way…(not to say anyone doesn’t) only a couple times a week (usually late at night)
I comment on probably 3x more blogs than comment on mine…and most of the blogs I comment on are the smaller blogs.
But, I faced this dilemma a few months ago and decided that I work in front of the computer so much, that if I kept the blogging pace I would lose the opportunity I love for SILENCE. One of my blogs is about learning to be in the moment and love the solitude of listening. But my world was overflowing in WORDS.
Guess what I am trying to say is…THANKS.
Thanks for saying what you did, and sharing what she said. :-)
Harmonys last blog post..Stop Thinking
This has been a refreshing post for me. I have taken quite a bit of flack for allowing myself not to post as much, and to read, and comment…I like encouraging others in that way…(not to say anyone doesn’t) only a couple times a week (usually late at night)
I comment on probably 3x more blogs than comment on mine…and most of the blogs I comment on are the smaller blogs.
But, I faced this dilemma a few months ago and decided that I work in front of the computer so much, that if I kept the blogging pace I would lose the opportunity I love for SILENCE. One of my blogs is about learning to be in the moment and love the solitude of listening. But my world was overflowing in WORDS.
Guess what I am trying to say is…THANKS.
Thanks for saying what you did, and sharing what she said. :-)
Harmonys last blog post..Stop Thinking
I’ll read this post in its entirety tomorrow. But, what Bloggerdad had to say, was hilarious
Bamboo Forests last blog post..Top 7 Halloween Costumes
I’ll read this post in its entirety tomorrow. But, what Bloggerdad had to say, was hilarious
Bamboo Forests last blog post..Top 7 Halloween Costumes
Rita makes some excellent points, starting a blog in the personal development niche I’ve noticed a strong sense of you comment here and I’ll comment there. To be honest, I find it too much ‘work’ and not enough fun having to leave comments on blogs when I don’t even think the author cares too much about the site. Usually showing in:
– Lack of original design
– Lack of domain (usually on blogspot)
– Content that hasn’t been updated in weeks
That kind of thing. That’s not to say there isn’t great content lurking in these dingy corners of the web but I’m only going to comment on sites where I actually enjoy reading the content, not force myself to reciprocate every time.
Glen Allsopps last blog post..How Strong is Your Sense of Entitlement?
Rita makes some excellent points, starting a blog in the personal development niche I’ve noticed a strong sense of you comment here and I’ll comment there. To be honest, I find it too much ‘work’ and not enough fun having to leave comments on blogs when I don’t even think the author cares too much about the site. Usually showing in:
– Lack of original design
– Lack of domain (usually on blogspot)
– Content that hasn’t been updated in weeks
That kind of thing. That’s not to say there isn’t great content lurking in these dingy corners of the web but I’m only going to comment on sites where I actually enjoy reading the content, not force myself to reciprocate every time.
Glen Allsopps last blog post..How Strong is Your Sense of Entitlement?
On number 5. Sometimes people are just forgetful, with tens of feeds in my own reader, sometimes I’m just forget…
Maybe we should impose ourselves a limit on comments (7 a day?, 3? 1?, 3 a week?)
Miguel de Luiss last blog post..Comments back in moderation.
On number 5. Sometimes people are just forgetful, with tens of feeds in my own reader, sometimes I’m just forget…
Maybe we should impose ourselves a limit on comments (7 a day?, 3? 1?, 3 a week?)
Miguel de Luiss last blog post..Comments back in moderation.
Maybe this is why I was never one of the “cool kids” back in school. ;)
I’ve been seeing a lot of blog posts on this topic lately and, well, it just doesn’t make sense to me. For me, it’s never been “you comment on my post, I’ll comment on yours” or “you follow me on Twitter, I’ll follow you.” That just seems silly to me, and a little impersonal. When I feel I have something to add to the conversation, I comment on the post. If someone interests me on Twitter, I follow them. If they don’t comment back or follow me back, that’s fine. Most of the bloggers whose blogs I’ve commented on and people I follow on Twitter have never ever commented on either of my blogs… and that’s okay.
On my own blogs, however, I do make it a point to respond to every comment. I like to make sure everyone knows they were heard, and answer any questions that have been asked. Lots of bloggers don’t do this, and that’s fine as well. I won’t be insulted if my comment goes unanswered.
I disagree with 3 and 6, though. Unlike in high school, you can be “friends” with one blogger without having to become a part of their “clique”. Online, you can easily pick and choose which blogs you read – choose those you enjoy reading, unsubscribe from the rest. The great thing about the internet is that by sitting at one “table”, you don’t necessarily isolate yourself from everyone else. Who says you can’t read the new kid’s blog and still hang out at the “popular” blogs as well?
Maybe this is why I was never one of the “cool kids” back in school. ;)
I’ve been seeing a lot of blog posts on this topic lately and, well, it just doesn’t make sense to me. For me, it’s never been “you comment on my post, I’ll comment on yours” or “you follow me on Twitter, I’ll follow you.” That just seems silly to me, and a little impersonal. When I feel I have something to add to the conversation, I comment on the post. If someone interests me on Twitter, I follow them. If they don’t comment back or follow me back, that’s fine. Most of the bloggers whose blogs I’ve commented on and people I follow on Twitter have never ever commented on either of my blogs… and that’s okay.
On my own blogs, however, I do make it a point to respond to every comment. I like to make sure everyone knows they were heard, and answer any questions that have been asked. Lots of bloggers don’t do this, and that’s fine as well. I won’t be insulted if my comment goes unanswered.
I disagree with 3 and 6, though. Unlike in high school, you can be “friends” with one blogger without having to become a part of their “clique”. Online, you can easily pick and choose which blogs you read – choose those you enjoy reading, unsubscribe from the rest. The great thing about the internet is that by sitting at one “table”, you don’t necessarily isolate yourself from everyone else. Who says you can’t read the new kid’s blog and still hang out at the “popular” blogs as well?
This is a new genre, sorting itself out. To learn and improve it, we experiment. We peek around, we find gems that lose their luster and baubles that turn into beauties. Some days I read alot and comment a little, others I skim. Each day, I try to take a look at one new blog off someone’s list and another may be neglected for several weeks.
A radio commentator in our area always signs off with the reality check: “I’ve got to get back to work.”
Kip de Molls last blog post..Sounds of Silence Abandoned
This is a new genre, sorting itself out. To learn and improve it, we experiment. We peek around, we find gems that lose their luster and baubles that turn into beauties. Some days I read alot and comment a little, others I skim. Each day, I try to take a look at one new blog off someone’s list and another may be neglected for several weeks.
A radio commentator in our area always signs off with the reality check: “I’ve got to get back to work.”
Kip de Molls last blog post..Sounds of Silence Abandoned
I’ve been angry over this kind of the stuff for the last few weeks, and it’s come out in a few entries. I’ve been slacking off in my reading and commenting (because I usually do both at the same time). Blogging creates community, and so does commenting.
I had to pull back probably about 2 weeks ago because I didn’t want to lose my mind, but I went too far, now I have to find a happy medium else I’ll go crazy.
I’ve been angry over this kind of the stuff for the last few weeks, and it’s come out in a few entries. I’ve been slacking off in my reading and commenting (because I usually do both at the same time). Blogging creates community, and so does commenting.
I had to pull back probably about 2 weeks ago because I didn’t want to lose my mind, but I went too far, now I have to find a happy medium else I’ll go crazy.
Okay, that is two long comments I have written and deleted. Time for me just to say “Hi Writer Dad” because I’ve now been here so long you’ll think I’m stalking you if I leave now without saying anything.
And no, I am not just commenting so you’ll come visit me and comment today. I know you do that when you’re inclined because you think I’m fabulous ;)
Emilys last blog post..Link Love: Pumpkins Galore!
Okay, that is two long comments I have written and deleted. Time for me just to say “Hi Writer Dad” because I’ve now been here so long you’ll think I’m stalking you if I leave now without saying anything.
And no, I am not just commenting so you’ll come visit me and comment today. I know you do that when you’re inclined because you think I’m fabulous ;)
Emilys last blog post..Link Love: Pumpkins Galore!
As a 1 month old blogger, I feel like I just got a whoopin from momma. :)
(Read: This Just Makes It More Interesting
That’s my story and I’m stickin to it, for now anyways. I value comments on my blog, and I do feel compelled to comment on others who comment on mine. But not just that scenario. I enjoy the conversations and opinions. Yeah yeah..ok, I guess too that being new and getting comments is like a baby taking it’s first steps, it’s a feeling of accomplishment for me I guess. I am finding though that blogging can become a “time sucking vampire” very quickly. So, my opinions on the matter may change without further notice. Great article ya’ll!
-Scott
Scotts last blog post..We stare at weblogs, what do cats stare at?
As a 1 month old blogger, I feel like I just got a whoopin from momma. :)
(Read: This Just Makes It More Interesting
That’s my story and I’m stickin to it, for now anyways. I value comments on my blog, and I do feel compelled to comment on others who comment on mine. But not just that scenario. I enjoy the conversations and opinions. Yeah yeah..ok, I guess too that being new and getting comments is like a baby taking it’s first steps, it’s a feeling of accomplishment for me I guess. I am finding though that blogging can become a “time sucking vampire” very quickly. So, my opinions on the matter may change without further notice. Great article ya’ll!
-Scott
Scotts last blog post..We stare at weblogs, what do cats stare at?
Rita, thank you. You’ve stated so very well what I’ve been thinking and feeling, although I admit to sometimes feeling that I’m failing to follow “the rules” somehow (I quickly quell those episodes!). I write what comes, when it comes, and I need to not worry about being on a schedule, joining “the club” or adding the pressure of learning more technology. If I focus on those things, I fumble too much.
And that leads me to respond to Glen’s remarks: There are perfectly valid and wonderful reasons people have less than glamorous and gadget-filled sites. I’m not technologically savvy and I don’t have many financial resources to spare, so I am relegated to the “dingy corners of the Web” with a very simple design that doesn’t overwhelm me. Besides, simple suits me. It’s clean. As for the content, trying to carve out a few minutes here and there to even be here (which I enjoy immensely) isn’t easy. I do what I can. I intend to do more next summer when I am able to leave my day job, and when I do it will still be in the “dingy corners.”
The sense of community I’ve discovered in blogging is wonderful!…on my site and in commenting on others’. Comments make that happen. But I’m with Rita in that I don’t want to repeat someone else’s, because there’s no value in that. I comment when I have something to add. And I certainly value that from others on my own site. The conversations are the whole point, as far as I’m concerned.
Thank you Writer Dad for featuring Rita, and thank you Rita for your oh-so-welcome encouragement that reminds me I’m doing it as I wanted to, and that it’s certainly okay. ;)
Julies last blog post..Another Kind of Poverty
Rita, thank you. You’ve stated so very well what I’ve been thinking and feeling, although I admit to sometimes feeling that I’m failing to follow “the rules” somehow (I quickly quell those episodes!). I write what comes, when it comes, and I need to not worry about being on a schedule, joining “the club” or adding the pressure of learning more technology. If I focus on those things, I fumble too much.
And that leads me to respond to Glen’s remarks: There are perfectly valid and wonderful reasons people have less than glamorous and gadget-filled sites. I’m not technologically savvy and I don’t have many financial resources to spare, so I am relegated to the “dingy corners of the Web” with a very simple design that doesn’t overwhelm me. Besides, simple suits me. It’s clean. As for the content, trying to carve out a few minutes here and there to even be here (which I enjoy immensely) isn’t easy. I do what I can. I intend to do more next summer when I am able to leave my day job, and when I do it will still be in the “dingy corners.”
The sense of community I’ve discovered in blogging is wonderful!…on my site and in commenting on others’. Comments make that happen. But I’m with Rita in that I don’t want to repeat someone else’s, because there’s no value in that. I comment when I have something to add. And I certainly value that from others on my own site. The conversations are the whole point, as far as I’m concerned.
Thank you Writer Dad for featuring Rita, and thank you Rita for your oh-so-welcome encouragement that reminds me I’m doing it as I wanted to, and that it’s certainly okay. ;)
Julies last blog post..Another Kind of Poverty
I will admit, that comments on your own blog is a great thing. It let’s you know people are out there becase I too, don’t look at the numbers of visits, page views and what have you’s. However, one thing that I have noticed recently is that it is just as fun to have a full fleged conversation on another person’s comment section too.
Sals last blog post..ME-YEW, Not Me-You
I will admit, that comments on your own blog is a great thing. It let’s you know people are out there becase I too, don’t look at the numbers of visits, page views and what have you’s. However, one thing that I have noticed recently is that it is just as fun to have a full fleged conversation on another person’s comment section too.
Sals last blog post..ME-YEW, Not Me-You
This high school mentality conversation just makes me sad. (Not that it wasn’t well written Rita, it was great) This conversation has been spreading around blogosphere like a virus. It’s sad that people feel that they have to come out and declare their freedom from force-fed commenting.
It makes me glad I was a high school drop out the first time around. But you know what? Somewhere along the line I grew up. I don’t need a social manual to tell me that in the Blogosphere, “I’ll scratch you’re back if you scratch mine” is any better of a way to get ahead here than it is in any other part of the world. I’m sorry, that isn’t community, that is pay back.
Real friendship, real relationships, real community, real honest to goodness content that makes you want to go read that post, that makes you sit up and WANT to leave a comment-that works. And it always will.
I want those kind of viewers and comments. And its up to ME to write the content that brings it to me. Not to go real them in with a fishing pole in comment river.
Wendi Kelly-Life’s Little Inspirationss last blog post..Speaking From the Heart
This high school mentality conversation just makes me sad. (Not that it wasn’t well written Rita, it was great) This conversation has been spreading around blogosphere like a virus. It’s sad that people feel that they have to come out and declare their freedom from force-fed commenting.
It makes me glad I was a high school drop out the first time around. But you know what? Somewhere along the line I grew up. I don’t need a social manual to tell me that in the Blogosphere, “I’ll scratch you’re back if you scratch mine” is any better of a way to get ahead here than it is in any other part of the world. I’m sorry, that isn’t community, that is pay back.
Real friendship, real relationships, real community, real honest to goodness content that makes you want to go read that post, that makes you sit up and WANT to leave a comment-that works. And it always will.
I want those kind of viewers and comments. And its up to ME to write the content that brings it to me. Not to go real them in with a fishing pole in comment river.
Wendi Kelly-Life’s Little Inspirationss last blog post..Speaking From the Heart
“The ceremony itself didn’t matter…none of us planned on attending, as there was a new movie opening that night, and we all wanted to see the movie instead.”
LMAO!!!! I wouldn’t have attended my graduation if my mom hadn’t ambushed me by flying in from Texas. [sigh]
SOOOO. About the ‘popular crowd’. The ‘cool kids’. I did not get this memo. What gives? Who is in it? I’m probably the loner in the corner wearing all black and scribbling in her notebook. Viva le artiste!
Hayden Tompkinss last blog post..How to Boost Your Karma
“The ceremony itself didn’t matter…none of us planned on attending, as there was a new movie opening that night, and we all wanted to see the movie instead.”
LMAO!!!! I wouldn’t have attended my graduation if my mom hadn’t ambushed me by flying in from Texas. [sigh]
SOOOO. About the ‘popular crowd’. The ‘cool kids’. I did not get this memo. What gives? Who is in it? I’m probably the loner in the corner wearing all black and scribbling in her notebook. Viva le artiste!
Hayden Tompkinss last blog post..How to Boost Your Karma
@ Holly: I, too, love getting comments – and respond to each one. But, as you said, the concept of “reciprocity” is absurd. It’s a big Blog world. I’d like to discover MORE of it, not less…
@ Blogger Dad: I’m glad you’re now finding time to pursue other interests and passions…but your blog happens to be one I enjoy reading. Whether you post 3x a week or once a month, I’ll be there.
@ Vered: Thank you for your kind words. This is something that you and I have spoken about. Isn’t it nice to re-connect with your husband and children? THAT’S the community whose comments matter most..
@ Malationman: When I first submitted this post to Writer Dad, the first thing I said was “I wonder how many people are going to take this as a criticism of ‘Star Wars ? ‘ ” Considering that this is NOT a post about “Star Wars,” if that’s what you took from my words, I’ve been criticized for FAR worse… :-)
@ Harmony: I’m glad you read my post. As an S.A.D. sufferer – which I do NOT minimize – I wonder how much of your “down” attitude was related to some of these issues. I’m so glad that you seem to be doing MUCH better.
@ Bamboo Forest: If Blogger Dad gave you a good laugh, then this is a perfect example of how comments should work – we take what we get, and enjoy the blog and/or the comments!
@ Glen: The three points you bring up are good ones. I, too, look for blogs where I can “enjoy reading the content.” I have begun to stay away from sites that are “no content, all comment.”
@ Miguel: The way I stopped that insanity was to clean-out my feeds, and subscribe to most blogs through email. This way, I get not only the content of the blog, but can follow along on what other commenters write on posts that I find very interesting. But, I don’t understand how a person can ask a meaningful question and NOT return for the reply. To me, that says: “I’m only asking to leave a comment, but I have so many blogs to read that I forgot who I asked what.” I take questions seriously in my comments – and do NOT return to blogs where I ask a question – which is promptly ignored.
@ Kip: This is truly NOT a new genre. I was reading a favorite blog on Slate 15 years ago. But you’re right, we need to sort things out. I believe that I am on the personal path to doing just that. It’s certainly not right for everyone, but I know that I am back to LOVING blogging, rather than seeing it as a “job.”
@ Matthew: I’m not quite sure which aspect is causing your anger. If I’ve angered you, I apologize. But my words express my point of view, not that which I wish to try to impose on others. I truly am sorry that you’re angry…but I wouldn’t change a word.
@ Emily: I’m certain that given that this is Writer Dad’s blog, that he will let you know whether he thinks you’re fabulous.
Rita
Ritas last blog post..I MET STALIN – Part I
@ Holly: I, too, love getting comments – and respond to each one. But, as you said, the concept of “reciprocity” is absurd. It’s a big Blog world. I’d like to discover MORE of it, not less…
@ Blogger Dad: I’m glad you’re now finding time to pursue other interests and passions…but your blog happens to be one I enjoy reading. Whether you post 3x a week or once a month, I’ll be there.
@ Vered: Thank you for your kind words. This is something that you and I have spoken about. Isn’t it nice to re-connect with your husband and children? THAT’S the community whose comments matter most..
@ Malationman: When I first submitted this post to Writer Dad, the first thing I said was “I wonder how many people are going to take this as a criticism of ‘Star Wars ? ‘ ” Considering that this is NOT a post about “Star Wars,” if that’s what you took from my words, I’ve been criticized for FAR worse… :-)
@ Harmony: I’m glad you read my post. As an S.A.D. sufferer – which I do NOT minimize – I wonder how much of your “down” attitude was related to some of these issues. I’m so glad that you seem to be doing MUCH better.
@ Bamboo Forest: If Blogger Dad gave you a good laugh, then this is a perfect example of how comments should work – we take what we get, and enjoy the blog and/or the comments!
@ Glen: The three points you bring up are good ones. I, too, look for blogs where I can “enjoy reading the content.” I have begun to stay away from sites that are “no content, all comment.”
@ Miguel: The way I stopped that insanity was to clean-out my feeds, and subscribe to most blogs through email. This way, I get not only the content of the blog, but can follow along on what other commenters write on posts that I find very interesting. But, I don’t understand how a person can ask a meaningful question and NOT return for the reply. To me, that says: “I’m only asking to leave a comment, but I have so many blogs to read that I forgot who I asked what.” I take questions seriously in my comments – and do NOT return to blogs where I ask a question – which is promptly ignored.
@ Kip: This is truly NOT a new genre. I was reading a favorite blog on Slate 15 years ago. But you’re right, we need to sort things out. I believe that I am on the personal path to doing just that. It’s certainly not right for everyone, but I know that I am back to LOVING blogging, rather than seeing it as a “job.”
@ Matthew: I’m not quite sure which aspect is causing your anger. If I’ve angered you, I apologize. But my words express my point of view, not that which I wish to try to impose on others. I truly am sorry that you’re angry…but I wouldn’t change a word.
@ Emily: I’m certain that given that this is Writer Dad’s blog, that he will let you know whether he thinks you’re fabulous.
Rita
Ritas last blog post..I MET STALIN – Part I
Hey maybe people could demonstrate how genuine they are by not leaving their web address.
Just a crazy idea that has about as much chance as success as my idea to dress Sarah Palin up as a Moose and send her into the woods during hunting season.
Hey maybe people could demonstrate how genuine they are by not leaving their web address.
Just a crazy idea that has about as much chance as success as my idea to dress Sarah Palin up as a Moose and send her into the woods during hunting season.
Hi Rita,
Well, you might not understand it, but I’m sure it has happened to me. I just don’t know when. :) It’s the load of being absent minded.
Miguel de Luiss last blog post..Valuable insight from a Siberian teacher.
Hi Rita,
Well, you might not understand it, but I’m sure it has happened to me. I just don’t know when. :) It’s the load of being absent minded.
Miguel de Luiss last blog post..Valuable insight from a Siberian teacher.
Holly: It’s never okay to feel like a hamster in a wheel. When that happens, something’s off and it’s time to fix it. Life is short and we must move forward. Whether it’s raising our children or raising our blogs, it’s ridiculous to spin our wheels without joy. I’ve had a lot of fun on twitter so far, but I won’t be a slave to it or anything else.
Blogger Dad: Good job Blogger Dad. There are only so many minutes. We must do what we can, and sometimes more, but never so much that the fun disappears. It’s most important to take care of our own house first. You do that well. And Dave, you’re welcome to eat at my table any time.
Vered: “I too feel that if I don’t reciprocate, then I’m a jerk. But if I do reciprocate, I’m being a jerk to my family and friends. So the choice is clear.” That’s it right there, Vered. I can’t allow those feelings to manipulate me into servitude. My family needs my attention first, and I need to be using my time to spin words that will pay the mortgage, not the debt of a forgotten comment.
Malationman: Rita’s a tough lady. I’m sure that’s the least that’s on her mind.
Harmony: Silence is important, and tapping away on the keys all day long, bouncing around from blog to blog just to fill a quota of comments…. it’s making us too old too fast, by making us behave a bit too young. My pleasure.
Bamboo: Blogger Dad makes me smile a dozen times a day.
Glen: Sure, I like great site design, but an unattractive blog never bothers me. As long as the words are clear and thoughts original, I’m happy. What I do not like are the countless blogs which regurgitate ideas like billions of bytes of digital cud.
Miguel: I actually agree with you here, Miguel. I don’t subscribe to comments because my email gets flooded (I have a hard enough time as it is). I often forget, or run out of time, to follow the trail back. That doesn’t mean I didn’t mean the question when I asked.
Allison: It appears that you have just the right outlook; you are having fun. Every time you trading banter on twitter, you’re obviously having fun. Blogging is fun for you and it is obvious. Don’t allow yourself to lose that.
Kip: Even at over a decade Kip, I fully agree that Blogging is a new genre, still sorting out its own rules. The last couple of years have really seen seismic shifts and I don’t believe we’ve seen anything yet. We all need to learn day by day, and do it with integrity. You’ve always had integrity here (even when you didn’t like my joke about the contractors). Thanks.
Matthew: Happy mediums are a nice place to be. You must practice being less angry Matthew. It does nothing for you, and I believe it holds your writing back. You are best when you are funny. Rinse out the anger during November NaNoWriMo’s the perfect place.
Emily: I do indeed think you’re fabulous, Emily. You gave me the first link back I ever had, and have been with me since the beginning. You’re wonderfully sweet and genuine. Thank you for being a constant.
Scott: It’s October twenty-third. Please, Scott, come back here on November twenty-third and tell me how you’re feeling. You must adapt quickly in Blogopolis.
Julie: I agree with you in full Julie, and it is my pleasure to feature Rita. I didn’t know her topic when I gave her the invite, but I love what she chose.
Sal: Absolutely right. Wherever the conversations happen, dialogue is what it’s all about. That’s why Rita is offended by non returning commenters who ask a question only for the link.
Wendi: You’re a great commenter, and your commenting integrity is obviously golden. I have to say though, I think it’s spreading throughout the blogosphere like a forest fire, not a virus. A virus has nothing to offer, a fire clears away some of the old and makes way for some of the new. Burning off an insincere mindset is a good thing. We want to trust our comments, both in our houses and in others. Only we can make that happen.
Hayden: I SO would’ve sat with you in high school, Hayden. I love to laugh, and you know how to do that with consistency.
Rita: Great job, and you’re awesome. What Kip is saying, is that relatively, blogging is new. I have to agree. Movies were around well before “The Jazz Singer,” but they were never the same after.
Tim: That is an amazing idea that has a snowball’s chance.
Holly: It’s never okay to feel like a hamster in a wheel. When that happens, something’s off and it’s time to fix it. Life is short and we must move forward. Whether it’s raising our children or raising our blogs, it’s ridiculous to spin our wheels without joy. I’ve had a lot of fun on twitter so far, but I won’t be a slave to it or anything else.
Blogger Dad: Good job Blogger Dad. There are only so many minutes. We must do what we can, and sometimes more, but never so much that the fun disappears. It’s most important to take care of our own house first. You do that well. And Dave, you’re welcome to eat at my table any time.
Vered: “I too feel that if I don’t reciprocate, then I’m a jerk. But if I do reciprocate, I’m being a jerk to my family and friends. So the choice is clear.” That’s it right there, Vered. I can’t allow those feelings to manipulate me into servitude. My family needs my attention first, and I need to be using my time to spin words that will pay the mortgage, not the debt of a forgotten comment.
Malationman: Rita’s a tough lady. I’m sure that’s the least that’s on her mind.
Harmony: Silence is important, and tapping away on the keys all day long, bouncing around from blog to blog just to fill a quota of comments…. it’s making us too old too fast, by making us behave a bit too young. My pleasure.
Bamboo: Blogger Dad makes me smile a dozen times a day.
Glen: Sure, I like great site design, but an unattractive blog never bothers me. As long as the words are clear and thoughts original, I’m happy. What I do not like are the countless blogs which regurgitate ideas like billions of bytes of digital cud.
Miguel: I actually agree with you here, Miguel. I don’t subscribe to comments because my email gets flooded (I have a hard enough time as it is). I often forget, or run out of time, to follow the trail back. That doesn’t mean I didn’t mean the question when I asked.
Allison: It appears that you have just the right outlook; you are having fun. Every time you trading banter on twitter, you’re obviously having fun. Blogging is fun for you and it is obvious. Don’t allow yourself to lose that.
Kip: Even at over a decade Kip, I fully agree that Blogging is a new genre, still sorting out its own rules. The last couple of years have really seen seismic shifts and I don’t believe we’ve seen anything yet. We all need to learn day by day, and do it with integrity. You’ve always had integrity here (even when you didn’t like my joke about the contractors). Thanks.
Matthew: Happy mediums are a nice place to be. You must practice being less angry Matthew. It does nothing for you, and I believe it holds your writing back. You are best when you are funny. Rinse out the anger during November NaNoWriMo’s the perfect place.
Emily: I do indeed think you’re fabulous, Emily. You gave me the first link back I ever had, and have been with me since the beginning. You’re wonderfully sweet and genuine. Thank you for being a constant.
Scott: It’s October twenty-third. Please, Scott, come back here on November twenty-third and tell me how you’re feeling. You must adapt quickly in Blogopolis.
Julie: I agree with you in full Julie, and it is my pleasure to feature Rita. I didn’t know her topic when I gave her the invite, but I love what she chose.
Sal: Absolutely right. Wherever the conversations happen, dialogue is what it’s all about. That’s why Rita is offended by non returning commenters who ask a question only for the link.
Wendi: You’re a great commenter, and your commenting integrity is obviously golden. I have to say though, I think it’s spreading throughout the blogosphere like a forest fire, not a virus. A virus has nothing to offer, a fire clears away some of the old and makes way for some of the new. Burning off an insincere mindset is a good thing. We want to trust our comments, both in our houses and in others. Only we can make that happen.
Hayden: I SO would’ve sat with you in high school, Hayden. I love to laugh, and you know how to do that with consistency.
Rita: Great job, and you’re awesome. What Kip is saying, is that relatively, blogging is new. I have to agree. Movies were around well before “The Jazz Singer,” but they were never the same after.
Tim: That is an amazing idea that has a snowball’s chance.
Sean,
I agree and will amend my comment to *Forest Fire* You are right, it is much more accurate. I guess I am saying I am sad that this mentality exists in grown-ups at all. But then again, I was sad in high school too that the mentalities that existed there weren’t burnt out by something-perferably common sense, but I haven’t seen that fire in any high school. :)
Wendi Kelly-Life’s Little Inspirationss last blog post..Speaking From the Heart
Sean,
I agree and will amend my comment to *Forest Fire* You are right, it is much more accurate. I guess I am saying I am sad that this mentality exists in grown-ups at all. But then again, I was sad in high school too that the mentalities that existed there weren’t burnt out by something-perferably common sense, but I haven’t seen that fire in any high school. :)
Wendi Kelly-Life’s Little Inspirationss last blog post..Speaking From the Heart
Interesting how our approach to blogging changes over time. In the beginning, it’s like falling in love. You are obsessed with it. It’s all you see, feel, eat, smell. It gives you an incredible rush. But then one of two things happen. You realize it was really only lust, the fires have died down, and you give it up. Or, it settles into love, and you settle into a comfortable, manageable, routine that works best for you.
Urban Panthers last blog post..There is no Alice in the kitchen
Interesting how our approach to blogging changes over time. In the beginning, it’s like falling in love. You are obsessed with it. It’s all you see, feel, eat, smell. It gives you an incredible rush. But then one of two things happen. You realize it was really only lust, the fires have died down, and you give it up. Or, it settles into love, and you settle into a comfortable, manageable, routine that works best for you.
Urban Panthers last blog post..There is no Alice in the kitchen
That was a wonderful post, and you mentioned many points that I am struggling with. I am find that I am spreading myself too thin, not unlike Bilbo when he says he’s like butter across a piece of toast. What to do? The problem is, I really do like most of the blogs I’ve encountered, and want to read them and comment. There just ISN’T the time. It’s a tough call. I’m still struggling with it all.
That was a wonderful post, and you mentioned many points that I am struggling with. I am find that I am spreading myself too thin, not unlike Bilbo when he says he’s like butter across a piece of toast. What to do? The problem is, I really do like most of the blogs I’ve encountered, and want to read them and comment. There just ISN’T the time. It’s a tough call. I’m still struggling with it all.
I’m glad this topic received some attention. It really needed to. Blogging, after all, is a creative pursuit–something we do because we feel strongly about something or want to share something that we believe, do, or simply enjoy. And then we go and spend more time and energy commenting than we do creating!? Doesn’t make a lot of sense. Especially when commenting does little more than feed the ego–something that destroys the real reason why we started blogging in the first place. First, we blogged to be creative because we liked how it felt to be creative, but now we’re blogging because it makes us feel good to get comments, but that only happens when we comment. So, we spend our time commenting instead of creating great things. Again, doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. Urban Panther said it well: it’s lust.
If you follow 43Folders.com, you’ll know the changes Merlin Mann is taking on this front. Shawn Blanc has also turned off comments in hopes of a better blogging tomorrow.
At first, I thought this attitude of silencing voices on comments was a bit snobbish. After all, we’ve all got something to say, right? Well, we do, and that’s why blogs are free. I feel the best way to respond to something you loved or hated is to write about it on your own blog. Write something worth reading and people who really want to read it–really read every single word–will do so.
People wanting link love should write something worthy of it; tagging other blogs up with mindless comments is surely not the best use of our time.
Again, I’m happy this topic got some attention–I was loving every word up until when Rita said she didn’t like Star Wars. That’s simply unforgivable :)
I’m glad this topic received some attention. It really needed to. Blogging, after all, is a creative pursuit–something we do because we feel strongly about something or want to share something that we believe, do, or simply enjoy. And then we go and spend more time and energy commenting than we do creating!? Doesn’t make a lot of sense. Especially when commenting does little more than feed the ego–something that destroys the real reason why we started blogging in the first place. First, we blogged to be creative because we liked how it felt to be creative, but now we’re blogging because it makes us feel good to get comments, but that only happens when we comment. So, we spend our time commenting instead of creating great things. Again, doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. Urban Panther said it well: it’s lust.
If you follow 43Folders.com, you’ll know the changes Merlin Mann is taking on this front. Shawn Blanc has also turned off comments in hopes of a better blogging tomorrow.
At first, I thought this attitude of silencing voices on comments was a bit snobbish. After all, we’ve all got something to say, right? Well, we do, and that’s why blogs are free. I feel the best way to respond to something you loved or hated is to write about it on your own blog. Write something worth reading and people who really want to read it–really read every single word–will do so.
People wanting link love should write something worthy of it; tagging other blogs up with mindless comments is surely not the best use of our time.
Again, I’m happy this topic got some attention–I was loving every word up until when Rita said she didn’t like Star Wars. That’s simply unforgivable :)