Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn’t.
~Erica Jong
Last week, the blogger I hearted was Dave Wright from Blogger Dad. This week it’s Rita, from Rita’s Digest.
Rita and I crossed words our first meeting. By the time Writer Dad closed shop for the day, we’d both had our say, along with immediate mutual respect. We’ve disagreed since, but even our strongest disputes conclude with a simple Namasté.
I believe there is no one in Blogopolis who wishes me success more than Rita. She is my biggest cheerleader. As I said earlier this week, the power of praise runs in both directions.
Rita is also my biggest critic.
A couple of weeks back, Rita took me aside. “Check yourself before you wreck yourself,” she said (though not in those words).
You know when you’re running in circles, juggling a dozen things with the speed of a bullet and the accuracy of a shotgun, then you bark your shin without even feeling it, only to find a medley of black and blue by the end of the day?
That’s what I was doing with comments; not just here, but everywhere. Rita’s words made me seriously reconsider my approach. I’ve been wanting to write about the subject for a while, but there’s no need. Rita’s words triggered tremendous talk on Vered’s blog yesterday, and she’s done a splendid job here.
Of course, I have plenty to add, but I’ll do it downstairs.
Enjoy:
“Star Wars,” High School and Blogging
I graduated from High School on a warm May evening in 1977. Though there were 1,400 seniors in my graduating class, ONLY 1,100 met the requirements to graduate that night. The ceremony itself didn’t matter…none of us planned on attending, as there was a new movie opening that night, and we all wanted to see the movie instead. The movie: “Star Wars.” The top 50 or 60 students in the class were ripped apart by our collectively acquainted parents: you may not care about being handed that diploma, but we do. Go to graduation, let us snap a few shots, and then you can see the movie. In agreement, that is how most of my friends and I graduated from High School – in haste.
That was 31 years ago. Certainly, much has happened in that time. One thing that I’ve realized as one daughter graduates college, and one enters, is that life is never the same after High School. I firmly held that belief until one month ago, while blogging. I am now back in High School. Though High School wasn’t too bad at 15 or 16, it has no place in my life as I near 50. Being a blogger is like being in High School.
How is blogging like being in High School again? I’m glad I asked.
1. “I called you yesterday, so it’s your turn to call me today.” Such is the same with commenting on blogs. I stopped commenting on most blogs three weeks ago, though I generally read 20 or so blogs a day, and 40 or more on my “Touch Base Tuesdays.” If I have something to add that hasn’t already been said, something to disagree with, or something I’d like clarified I leave a comment. I have stopped playing “I’ll comment for you if you comment for me.” I DO agree: blogging is a social medium. But my husband, children and “real-life” friends were being short-changed, because I was commenting on so many blogs on which I really had little to say. I have never taken an ad, never expected to make money off of blogging, and never paid attention to the “numbers.” If people wish to read what I have to say, come on over. If you care to leave a comment, I will try to give you a thoughtful response. But expecting “reciprocity” on leaving comments does NOT mean that I’m not reading your blog for the pure enjoyment of it.
2. “Tag, you’re it.” Meme’s can be fun to read at times, but most posts I write are extended meme’s. I have no “theme,” hence I write what is on my mind, and is a reflection of my thoughts. Sometimes I’m in a funny mood, sometimes I’m in a sad mood, and sometimes I just want to get across a point that I feel is important. I DON’T have a favorite post, and it doesn’t really matter what color my eyes are. This is why I generally “refuse” to be tagged. This may make me look old and curmudgeonly, but the only way NOT to play a game is to remove your piece from the board.
3. “I need to hang with the popular crowd.” No, I don’t. I want to “hang” with people who write well, offer interesting perspectives, open my eyes to new ideas or shake me up a bit. I made the mistake early on of hanging with one “popular crowd” – for the most part, a lovely crowd. But, as in High School, there are the Athletes, the Cheerleaders, the “Prom King and Queen,” the Academics – and the solitary person sitting at the lunch table who just moved to town and has nobody to tell about who they are, what their lives are like, what their dreams are. I’ve begun to put my lunch tray down at their tables more recently. Many of them are incredibly “cool,” and offer fresh perspectives.
4. “Here’s Your Summer Reading List.” Perhaps you remember that list of book after book on the same “topic” to be written about on the first day of the new school year. Now it’s bloggers with URL after URL on the same topic. Were I interested in that topic, I would Google it myself, and if I didn’t have a clue about the topic, I would do the same. I read enough blogs. I don’t need a blog that provides lists and lists of OTHER blogs – all of which address the same topic.
5. “Ooh, Teacher, call on me, call on me.” This is the one that gets me the most. Somebody will ask me a question – a GOOD question – and I will research it, try to provide an answer and do so in a way that the person listens to the answer, rather than hears it. But I’m learning, that just as in the classrooms I teach, many people ask questions to look particularly smart – or ignorant – but don’t even care to come back for the answers. That is why I only subscribe to blogs in my email now. I want to read other people’s questions and answers. And I have learned that many of those who ask questions of ME don’t even come back for the answer. I’m always happy – delighted – to answer questions. As a teacher I know that teaching to an empty classroom is a waste of time.
6. “We are a community.” It is true – we are, in many ways, a community. Like a High School class is a community. I bought into that game in blogging, and sold too much of myself for a piece of the action; for just as we are a community, we are also competitors. Bloggers want to be “A+” bloggers, and the way to do that is to insulate yourself so much that the same group of bloggers read and comment with the same group of bloggers. Read the names of the top 10 commenters on the blogs you visit; chances are, most are the same. Bloggers WANT to be seen with the “big blogs” so that, in many cases, the others on the “big blog” lists will come to them. Community or competition?
It may appear that I’m down on blogging. Nothing could be further from the truth. It is many (not all) BLOGGERS that I am down on – starting with myself. I love to write, but I sold out. And I lost too much of myself – and my life. I will continue to blog, but I will treat it as an adult endeavor, for I am an adult. Anybody who wishes to read my words is more than welcome to do so. If you wish to leave a comment, please do; but please don’t feel compelled to do so to “prove” that you were there. I already KNOW who was there, as do you all.
I’m sorry now that I missed most of my High School graduation, as it was a milestone. I ended up missing College graduation, because my grandmother died the day before. These days, I don’t want to miss more things that I will regret, like reading a book, spending time with friends and family and tending to my physical and mental health as I age. Plus I didn’t like “Star Wars” one bit.
Thanks, Rita. Well said.
Writer Dad
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About Sean Platt
Barbara,
YOUR community? lol – Writer Dad is welcome to his blog back. You just nailed your own coffin.
R.
Ritas last blog post..I MET STALIN – PART II
Barbara,
YOUR community? lol – Writer Dad is welcome to his blog back. You just nailed your own coffin.
R.
Ritas last blog post..I MET STALIN – PART II
So that Star Wars, bloody good film I thought . . .
What? What?
(I’m a bit late to the party here, but I think the cans are all empty and they’ve started to play Lady in Red so it’s time to go home . . .)
Tara@From Dawn Till Rusks last blog post..The business of blogging: Dave’s story
So that Star Wars, bloody good film I thought . . .
What? What?
(I’m a bit late to the party here, but I think the cans are all empty and they’ve started to play Lady in Red so it’s time to go home . . .)
Tara@From Dawn Till Rusks last blog post..The business of blogging: Dave’s story
Tara – How DARE you come in here and start throwing mud?! Troublemaker :) As for Star Wars movies, I liked The Empire Strikes Back best. Tragic endings appealed to me even then. That, and I loved the AT Walkers. Those things were so cool looking. I wanted one as a boy, but we couldn’t afford them. I’m hoping Star Wars makes another comeback when my son is at the age to play with toys so I can have an excuse to play with them… er, I mean, play with him. Yeah.
Blogger Dads last blog post..An early Halloween treat
Tara – How DARE you come in here and start throwing mud?! Troublemaker :) As for Star Wars movies, I liked The Empire Strikes Back best. Tragic endings appealed to me even then. That, and I loved the AT Walkers. Those things were so cool looking. I wanted one as a boy, but we couldn’t afford them. I’m hoping Star Wars makes another comeback when my son is at the age to play with toys so I can have an excuse to play with them… er, I mean, play with him. Yeah.
Blogger Dads last blog post..An early Halloween treat
Tara and Blogger Dad,
Thank you so much for agreeing with my blog. Most bloggers DO behave as if they are still in High School – tee-hee.
I am always pleased when people agree with my blogs – though I’m still a big enough girl to listen to voices of reason that don’t.
Thanks again – for helping me make my ORIGINAL POINT. You guys are great! :-)
Rita
Ritas last blog post..I MET STALIN – PART II
Tara and Blogger Dad,
Thank you so much for agreeing with my blog. Most bloggers DO behave as if they are still in High School – tee-hee.
I am always pleased when people agree with my blogs – though I’m still a big enough girl to listen to voices of reason that don’t.
Thanks again – for helping me make my ORIGINAL POINT. You guys are great! :-)
Rita
Ritas last blog post..I MET STALIN – PART II
Scott: Wait until your Askimet folder is filling up twice a day. That’s a drag. Then you have to sift through to make sure some of our favorite people didn’t get thrown inside. Just sigh, and know it’s day by day. Thank you for being such a positive contributor.
Barbara: You are welcome.
Tara: Empire Strikes back, BY FAR, best of the series. It was never the same after that. My theory? Lawrance Kasdan, who also wrote Raiders of the Lost Ark, which is like the most awesomest movie of all time (that doesn’t have bullet time). Of course he also stunk up the theaters with Dreamcatcher, two and a half decades later. By the third, Lucas was all “We’ve gotta please the kiddies! Do you KNOW how many toys they’re buying??!?!?!!” And though I wouldn’t take a crowbar to The Phantom Menace like Tara, we all know exactly what it was. And seriously Tara, if you think you’re late, please know; I just put on some music. I come back after not having internet all morning and come back to this. My goodness. Let’s leave the playground and dance.
Scott: Wait until your Askimet folder is filling up twice a day. That’s a drag. Then you have to sift through to make sure some of our favorite people didn’t get thrown inside. Just sigh, and know it’s day by day. Thank you for being such a positive contributor.
Barbara: You are welcome.
Tara: Empire Strikes back, BY FAR, best of the series. It was never the same after that. My theory? Lawrance Kasdan, who also wrote Raiders of the Lost Ark, which is like the most awesomest movie of all time (that doesn’t have bullet time). Of course he also stunk up the theaters with Dreamcatcher, two and a half decades later. By the third, Lucas was all “We’ve gotta please the kiddies! Do you KNOW how many toys they’re buying??!?!?!!” And though I wouldn’t take a crowbar to The Phantom Menace like Tara, we all know exactly what it was. And seriously Tara, if you think you’re late, please know; I just put on some music. I come back after not having internet all morning and come back to this. My goodness. Let’s leave the playground and dance.
WD, Raiders is my favourite EVER film. You have just upped your kudos stakes by, oooo, lots.
Tara@From Dawn Till Rusks last blog post..The business of blogging: Dave’s story
WD, Raiders is my favourite EVER film. You have just upped your kudos stakes by, oooo, lots.
Tara@From Dawn Till Rusks last blog post..The business of blogging: Dave’s story
Sorry guys: I started these in text edit and finished them in the box, so I just realized these were missing.
Matthew: For the record, my numbers climbed at exactly the same pace the day after my NBOTW than they had the day before. To my knowledge, Barbara has never claimed to discover me. I do remember when she featured me, she said it was reader request and that I needed no introduction because I was already established in the community. You are right, this feels very schoolyard.
Miguel: I’m in love with a lot of phrasing I’ve seen in this thread. I adore this. If we agree with everything we said a year ago, we sure haven’t walked very far.
Tim: I agree with Blogger Dad, of course. This community feels a little extra special, at least to me. I also agree with you that the best bloggers check their ego at the door. I have ego about what I write, same as I would want to show of a table I made, but I don’t have ego about what I know. I’m always willing to learn, and that’s a hard thing to do when you’re driving with ego as transmission.
Tara: EVER?? Do you not like family films/gangster sagas?
Sorry guys: I started these in text edit and finished them in the box, so I just realized these were missing.
Matthew: For the record, my numbers climbed at exactly the same pace the day after my NBOTW than they had the day before. To my knowledge, Barbara has never claimed to discover me. I do remember when she featured me, she said it was reader request and that I needed no introduction because I was already established in the community. You are right, this feels very schoolyard.
Miguel: I’m in love with a lot of phrasing I’ve seen in this thread. I adore this. If we agree with everything we said a year ago, we sure haven’t walked very far.
Tim: I agree with Blogger Dad, of course. This community feels a little extra special, at least to me. I also agree with you that the best bloggers check their ego at the door. I have ego about what I write, same as I would want to show of a table I made, but I don’t have ego about what I know. I’m always willing to learn, and that’s a hard thing to do when you’re driving with ego as transmission.
Tara: EVER?? Do you not like family films/gangster sagas?
WD – Yes, Dreamcatcher was AWFUL!
Raiders became a joke as it went on. I went and saw one of the latter installments with a friend of mine and it seemed like every other second was an explosion which didn’t make sense. I joked at the time, “watch, that horse is going to fall and blow up.”
Blogger Dads last blog post..An early Halloween treat
WD – Yes, Dreamcatcher was AWFUL!
Raiders became a joke as it went on. I went and saw one of the latter installments with a friend of mine and it seemed like every other second was an explosion which didn’t make sense. I joked at the time, “watch, that horse is going to fall and blow up.”
Blogger Dads last blog post..An early Halloween treat
Blogger Dad: You know what was awesome? Fight club, that’s what. Fifty points to the first one who knows all the rules to fight club. If you want to read a post that’s kind of fight clubby, check out matthewdryden.ca. A hundred points to the first person who can tell me how to make a hyperlink from the comment section.
Blogger Dad: You know what was awesome? Fight club, that’s what. Fifty points to the first one who knows all the rules to fight club. If you want to read a post that’s kind of fight clubby, check out matthewdryden.ca. A hundred points to the first person who can tell me how to make a hyperlink from the comment section.
BD do not dis Raiders. Sure you can lay into the current one (which I could have cried when I saw it because it was SO bad – aliens?) and even Temple of Doom with the awful screechy ‘heroine’ and pointless child. But not Raiders my friend. Step away from the keyboard and leave it be.
Tara@From Dawn Till Rusks last blog post..The business of blogging: Dave’s story
BD do not dis Raiders. Sure you can lay into the current one (which I could have cried when I saw it because it was SO bad – aliens?) and even Temple of Doom with the awful screechy ‘heroine’ and pointless child. But not Raiders my friend. Step away from the keyboard and leave it be.
Tara@From Dawn Till Rusks last blog post..The business of blogging: Dave’s story
Matthew’s blog
Sean – just use html coding. I will email you since I don’t think I can post here without making it a hyperlink
Blogger Dads last blog post..An early Halloween treat
Matthew’s blog
Sean – just use html coding. I will email you since I don’t think I can post here without making it a hyperlink
Blogger Dads last blog post..An early Halloween treat
@Writer Dad – depends on the comments section. On the ones on this page, click on the comment number for the permalink to the article and comment. On Matthew’s, click on the date and time.
Which reminds me, I need to add permalinks to my own comments.
What do I do with the 100 points? I’m not touching the rules of Fight Club – I only know the first one :-)
Kim Woodbridges last blog post..(Anti) Social-Lists 10/19/08
@Writer Dad – depends on the comments section. On the ones on this page, click on the comment number for the permalink to the article and comment. On Matthew’s, click on the date and time.
Which reminds me, I need to add permalinks to my own comments.
What do I do with the 100 points? I’m not touching the rules of Fight Club – I only know the first one :-)
Kim Woodbridges last blog post..(Anti) Social-Lists 10/19/08
Tara: Tomorrow’s post… “What’s Your Least Favorite Indy Movie?” It used to be Temple for me, but I’ve since come to appreciate it’s darkness and separation from the others in tone. I just try to ignore Kate Capshaw. I kind of like short round, but that’s only because when I first saw Temple of Doom, I’d already seen Goonies, so I was happy to see Data spreading his wings a bit. I was actually disappointed he wasn’t in The Crystal Dull.
Blogger Dad/Kim Woodbridge, and everyone who just sent me an email: Thanks, you guys are knowledgeable, helpful, and efficient. I’m still waiting for the rules of fight club. (way to get the first one, Kim). I have to think of something awesome for the hundred points.
Tara: Tomorrow’s post… “What’s Your Least Favorite Indy Movie?” It used to be Temple for me, but I’ve since come to appreciate it’s darkness and separation from the others in tone. I just try to ignore Kate Capshaw. I kind of like short round, but that’s only because when I first saw Temple of Doom, I’d already seen Goonies, so I was happy to see Data spreading his wings a bit. I was actually disappointed he wasn’t in The Crystal Dull.
Blogger Dad/Kim Woodbridge, and everyone who just sent me an email: Thanks, you guys are knowledgeable, helpful, and efficient. I’m still waiting for the rules of fight club. (way to get the first one, Kim). I have to think of something awesome for the hundred points.
Tara: Tomorrow’s post… “What’s Your Least Favorite Indy Movie?” It used to be Temple for me, but I’ve since come to appreciate it’s darkness and separation from the others in tone. I just try to ignore Kate Capshaw. I kind of like short round, but that’s only because when I first saw Temple of Doom, I’d already seen Goonies, so I was happy to see Data spreading his wings a bit. I was actually disappointed he wasn’t in The Crystal Dull.
Blogger Dad/Kim Woodbridge, and everyone who just sent me an email: Thanks, you guys are knowledgeable, helpful, and efficient. I’m still waiting for the rules of fight club. (way to get the first one, Kim). I have to think of something awesome for the hundred points.
The first rule of Fight Club is, you do not talk about Fight Club.
The second rule of Fight Club is, you DO NOT talk about Fight Club.
If someone says stop or looks like they’re dead or something, the fight is over.
Two guys to a fight.
One fight at a time.
No tops, no shoes.
Fights last as long as they need to.
If this is your first night at Fight Club, you have to fight.
If you don’t fancy Brad Pitt in this film there is something wrong with you
Tara@From Dawn Till Rusks last blog post..The business of blogging: Dave’s story
The first rule of Fight Club is, you do not talk about Fight Club.
The second rule of Fight Club is, you DO NOT talk about Fight Club.
If someone says stop or looks like they’re dead or something, the fight is over.
Two guys to a fight.
One fight at a time.
No tops, no shoes.
Fights last as long as they need to.
If this is your first night at Fight Club, you have to fight.
If you don’t fancy Brad Pitt in this film there is something wrong with you
Tara@From Dawn Till Rusks last blog post..The business of blogging: Dave’s story
Tara: Yay! You got the special bonus “12 pack” question. That doubles your points. Okay, Kim. Now you and Tara are even. Thank you Tara for being so thorough.
Tara: Yay! You got the special bonus “12 pack” question. That doubles your points. Okay, Kim. Now you and Tara are even. Thank you Tara for being so thorough.
Tara: Yay! You got the special bonus “12 pack” question. That doubles your points. Okay, Kim. Now you and Tara are even. Thank you Tara for being so thorough.
Tara: Yay! You got the special bonus “12 pack” question. That doubles your points. Okay, Kim. Now you and Tara are even. Thank you Tara for being so thorough.
I think you could hit a billion comments on this one WD!
@ Rita – You aint gonna like this, but I’m going to say it anyway as is my want. You misunderstood what I meant in a comment and took offense. Then when you realized I actually meant the opposite, you were ok with it.
Fact is I have no power over you or anybody else for that matter, other than that which you give away. Any words I use are just that, words. In other words, I didn’t hurt you, you did, by firstly jumping to an erroneous conclusion and then interpreting that conclusion in a negative manner.
See I told you, you would like it ;-) I await your wrath!
@ Writer Dad and Blogger Dad – What was the question again? ;-)
Tim Brownsons last blog post..Don’t Worry, Be Happy!
Dude, my site getting pimped and I don’t even know about it.
Matthew Drydens last blog post..Why Do You Always Make Me Shout At You?
Dude, my site getting pimped and I don’t even know about it.
Matthew Drydens last blog post..Why Do You Always Make Me Shout At You?
I think you could hit a billion comments on this one WD!
@ Rita – You aint gonna like this, but I’m going to say it anyway as is my want. You misunderstood what I meant in a comment and took offense. Then when you realized I actually meant the opposite, you were ok with it.
Fact is I have no power over you or anybody else for that matter, other than that which you give away. Any words I use are just that, words. In other words, I didn’t hurt you, you did, by firstly jumping to an erroneous conclusion and then interpreting that conclusion in a negative manner.
See I told you, you would like it ;-) I await your wrath!
@ Writer Dad and Blogger Dad – What was the question again? ;-)
Tim Brownsons last blog post..Don’t Worry, Be Happy!
Dude, my site getting pimped and I don’t even know about it.
Matthew Drydens last blog post..Why Do You Always Make Me Shout At You?
Tim: What are the rules of fight club? Oh wait… Tara answered that. Um… what is the name of Derek Zoolander’s most famous look (hint: it is the successor to Blue Steel).
Matthew: Your site sells itself. : > )
Everyone: This daddy bear is going into his cave to hibernate. I’ll see you after dinner.
Tim: What are the rules of fight club? Oh wait… Tara answered that. Um… what is the name of Derek Zoolander’s most famous look (hint: it is the successor to Blue Steel).
Matthew: Your site sells itself. : > )
Everyone: This daddy bear is going into his cave to hibernate. I’ll see you after dinner.
It’s the Magnum, try harder.
Matthew Drydens last blog post..Why Do You Always Make Me Shout At You?
It’s the Magnum, try harder.
Matthew Drydens last blog post..Why Do You Always Make Me Shout At You?
It’s the Magnum, try harder.
Matthew Drydens last blog post..Why Do You Always Make Me Shout At You?
It’s the Magnum, try harder.
Matthew Drydens last blog post..Why Do You Always Make Me Shout At You?
What was the first poster that Andy put up in The Shawshank Redemption? (Easy)
What was the last poster that Andy had up? (Harder)
Now this is movie trivia!
Matthew Drydens last blog post..Why Do You Always Make Me Shout At You?
What was the first poster that Andy put up in The Shawshank Redemption? (Easy)
What was the last poster that Andy had up? (Harder)
Now this is movie trivia!
Matthew Drydens last blog post..Why Do You Always Make Me Shout At You?
What was the first poster that Andy put up in The Shawshank Redemption? (Easy)
What was the last poster that Andy had up? (Harder)
Now this is movie trivia!
Matthew Drydens last blog post..Why Do You Always Make Me Shout At You?
What was the first poster that Andy put up in The Shawshank Redemption? (Easy)
What was the last poster that Andy had up? (Harder)
Now this is movie trivia!
Matthew Drydens last blog post..Why Do You Always Make Me Shout At You?