My Friend, Chef Roberto

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The two pictures are of my good friend Roberto teaching my children to make guacamole. Roberto and I have been friends for a few years now and he is without a doubt one of my favorite people in the world. Last week something wonderful happened for him and I’m thrilled to congratulate him in the best way I know how.

Roberto has a pretty cool job.

He loves to cook and is fortunate and hard working enough to have spent his last few years as a celebrity chef. This doesn’t mean Roberto is a chef who is also a celebrity. It means he is a chef who has worked mostly for celebrity clients. He has worked with his most recent client for a while now and two weeks ago she asked if he would like to make an appearance on her daily talk show.IMG_1143

Congratulations Roberto, I couldn’t be happier for you. Not just for the opportunity, but for the way you carried yourself in front of a national audience. You showed no fear and were every bit the man I know with all your warmth, confidence and humor all in place. I can’t imagine holding it together half as well as you did, but I felt giddy watching you and imagining your excitement.

Please enjoy my friend Roberto Martin as he made his first appearance on Ellen:

Writer Dad

I’ve entered a contest where the winner gets a six month gig blogging about happiness. I would LOVE to land this gig. Voting takes less than five seconds and you can vote once per day. Click here to cast your vote. THANKS!

How to Think Like a Black Belt in Parenting

How to Think Like a Black Belt in Parenting

ninja parentingToday’s guest post is from Lori Hoeck, author of the awesome Think Like a Black Belt blog. It might be new, but it’s also the best self defense blog around. Lori has also authored the wonderful ebook, Think Like a Black Belt. I’ve read it and would recommend it to anyone with children as it is brimming with practical points of discussion to keep parents mindful and their children safe.

Lori, it’s all yours…

You’ve seen them before in stores, at your kid’s school, in the line for movies:
Spoiled kids who rule the roost with anger and pouting
Manipulative kids playing “I’m so afraid (sick, tired, hungry,) that I can’t do that” game
Passive aggressive kids with the obliging smile who end up dragging their feet
Overly excited or talkative kids who need constant input, attention, or action
Shy kids who won’t look anyone in the eye

I’ve had them all as karate students. And if the parents didn’t give up or interfere, most of these kinds of kids turned out just fine as respectful, confident, and self-disciplined karate students with the help of quality martial arts training.

Here are three reasons why:

Consistency

At the last school I taught (I’m semi-retired now), the top seven, high-level black belt instructors all taught differently in their own classes in regards to style and teaching methods. We were all constant, though, in teaching martial arts discipline, respect, and technical excellence based on the rank of students. Everyone knew the boundaries and expectations.

When the message, rules, and values all match up, children use the calming, reinforcing consistency to create a foundation and safety net from which they can climb to amazing heights.

Respect the big picture

When new students walk into a training floor, they may have a white belt around their waist, but I see a black belt. I see someone who is soon going to be disciplined, confident, determined, street savvy, and skilled in self defense. In many cases, I have far more respect for them than they have for themselves. My job is to make them believe in themselves and the training process enough to push past the physical, mental, and emotional barriers separating them from the black belt rank.

When someone believes in children that much, expects the best from them, and is willing to motivate them when they need a little boost – and do this for years – children naturally want to learn and grow and excel. They do even better if the adults around them model their own life and skills with integrity.

No games

I’ve had an 8 year old boy tried to sweet talk me like a slimier Eddie Haskell in the old TV show Leave it to Beaver.
I’ve watched 5 year old pout and cry and say she just couldn’t handle sweat.
I’ve seen teenagers say they will try their best and then goof off like the class clowns.

How do I handle these kids? I throw their game back in their face, sometimes rather hard. (None of the names used are real.) –

“Mitchell, I’m not one of the drug dealers and partiers your mom says she and you hang out with. You don’t need to play the “cutesy, lone kid trying to get adult attention” game with me. I’m your karate instructor. You just need to get in line, stop talking, and work hard.”

“Mary, you told me your heroes are the older boy and girl in the Chronicles of Narnia. Do you think they would mind a little sweat? Do you want to be like them or not? Then stop playing like you are a weak, little girl. You are a strong young lady and you know it. Act like it.”

“You three yellow belts have been goofing off in class. Perhaps this little game may get you attention from Mommy and Daddy and your teachers, but, trust me, you won’t like the kind of attention it will get you here. Besides, your example to the lower rank students shows you don’t care about the responsibility of your rank. Do you wish to try a white belt on again? I didn’t think so.”


To recap:

Consistent boundaries and expectations
Respectful, committed confidence in the child’s potential
Showing effort gets better results in the long run than manipulation

These three work well individually, but it’s when they overlap and combine with other techniques that the martial arts can be so effective in helping children find confidence, maturity, and emotional balance.

Check out Lori’s self defense book, “Think Like a Black Belt – Take Charge of Your Own Safety” today.

An Act of Kindness Throws Down Roots

An Act of Kindness

“A single act of kindness throws out roots in all directions”

~ Anonymous

the kindness of strangersYesterday, I wrote a post, Sink or Swim, where I discussed discarding the safe in search of something better.  I made my leap, and have since found myself in the middle of the sea.  I first started splashing six months back, determined to ford the flood.  Though I see a gilded horizon as inevitable, it is certainly not without its obstacles.  

Being a dad can be difficult without the added weight of forging forward into the unknown.  To say I’m never scared, or never have to swallow doubt would be as ridiculous as saying I’ve an allergy to air. 

An act of kindness can shift the wind around you.  An act of kindness can be free to give and is sometimes all the giving someone needs.  

Were I swimming in a vacuum, I might have abandoned this dream long ago.  I am not.  Rather, I am fortunate to swim beside the constant support of others, alongside a community carrying a relentless belief that I will one day succeed.  That has been enough to thicken the resolve I need to see the other shore.

Yesterday, there were two people who reached out above and beyond, with a simple act of kindness.  I would like to acknowledge them here.  The first was Lori, the Space Age Sage.  In the comments she asked, “If any of us can toss you a life preserver right now, what kind would you need?”

We swapped emails and, as always, I found Lori meant exactly what she said.  An empty commenter Lori is not.  Thank you, Lori, for your constant and considerate, care.

The second person to light my day was Randi, from Foreign Quang.  She wrote a comment long enough for a post, so I asked her if I could use her words to get out of writing today.  

Here is the majority of her comment, clipped a bit for brevity.

 

Writer Dad,

I’ve got thoughts flying out in different directions because of your post, so I hope I can corral them long enough to make sense.

First off, let me start with a complaint about some women (I, being one, claim the right to rag on some of my sistahs).  When I began my blog, I thought the best thing to do was to hang out at other women’s blogs, just to get a feel for what was popular in blog land. What I saw, in large part, left me disgusted and afraid.  Time after time, I would come across a blog where the blogger thought it was cool to bash her husband or boyfriend, using the most vile terms imaginable. She would talk about what an idiot he was, about the latest stupid thing he did, or about what she would like to do to various body parts while he was sleeping. She would use language I used to associate only with men’s locker rooms, and I thought I had heard it all (having worked with men for many years).  These blogs had lots of subscribers.

I seriously considered abandoning blogging, if that’s what it took to have a successful blog.

Then, one day, while hanging out at Zen Habits, I came across a post you had written on breaking bad habits.  I followed the link to your site, and after reading a couple of posts, said to myself, “Yes! This is what blogging should be about!” The more I read, the more I became aware of the undying support you have from your wife, Daisy. In her, my faith in modern womanhood was redeemed. Here is a woman who would surely die before affixing any swear words to your name. I feel safe when reading her comments on your site, or in reading the posts on hers, that I won’t have to be subjected to a woman’s rantings about her husband. Instead, I feel a sweetness of spirit, a faith in true love, a hope for married couples everywhere. Remembering back to a post I read of yours, where Daisy encouraged you to risk it all and just WRITE, I now ask you to honor her faith by keepin’ on with the swimmin’ even when you feel as if your arms are numb with the struggle, or your lungs will burst with the next breath.

Your writing is good, and more good things will come from what you’ve built.  It’s called synergy.

Ok, next thought. Having managed a few businesses, I know it does take at least a year (in most cases) to see monetary success in a business. You may not be there yet. It seems though, that everywhere I turn there is blog with Writer Dad listed as a favorite blog. Success is not always about the money. I would rather have a blog that made peanuts than have a blog that was financially secure but resorted to ravings.

Third, and maybe final, thought.  

Sinking or swimming can be scary. Until May 2007, I was the manager of a very successful business. I made more money than my husband and worked between 60-70 hours a week. I saw my then eight year old son far too infrequently. He was suffering in school and was exceedingly insecure. My husband and I made the decision that I would quit work.  In the fall, I would become a teacher at my son’s homeschool co-op. As in NO PAY. We were frightened because we KNEW we could not make it on only one income. Yet, there is a quality of life that happens when you are forced to do without, that is very character defining.

We no longer have cable TV service. We eat out maybe once every six months. Friday I bought new clothes for the first time in three years. But I would not trade my son’s newfound security to have my old salary back. It’s not worth it. Yes, you may struggle while you write, wondering if there will ever be a payoff. I believe there will be. You have the talent. You have the support. And last but not least, you have the FANS!

Yay for Writer Dad!

 

Thanks ladies.  Your acts of kindness are much appreciated.

Writer Dad

New Year’s Re-Solutions

“Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account.”

~ Oscar Wilde

resolutionsI understand the flawed logic of New Year’s resolutions.  If an intention is worth commitment, why should it require a special spot on the calendar?  A valid question, sure.

It doesn’t, but we as humans are always in search of beginnings; few dawns are as clear as that one that doctors our final digit.

The problem with New Year’s resolutions isn’t that they’re made. It’s that they are rarely ever kept. I myself love my resolutions. I make them each year and do my best to keep them. I write them down, commit them to memory, and make them a part of my everyday thought.

No one gets anywhere by saying they want to do something. They arrive only after a series of steps, each moving them closer toward their goal.

I won’t bore you with the minutia of my method, nor will I write the entire rundown of all I’ll endeavor to do this year, but I do adore the public accountability of my internet living room. So here, in no particular order, are seven things I will do by the final seconds of this new year.

1)  I will write a song.  I use to love writing songs in my late teens (basic chord progressions + awkward lyrics = post adolescent awesome). I’ve never actually written a good one, and I’m not saying I’ll write a good one now, but I will write one to completion and share it with you here (yes, terrible singing voice and all).

2)  I will be bilingual. This was on my list last year and I hate to admit I didn’t make it. I don’t expect to deliver any monologues en español, but I should be able to hold my own with an average third grader. I owe it to my children as well as myself.

3) I will make my living online. Yep.

4)  I will see a small fraction of my words in print. Last year’s list said, “I will get published.” I do that M-F now, thanks to WordPress. This year, I’d like someone else to bless my verbiage.

5)  I will organize my digital life. Oh, I love dealing in all the digitalia, but I let it dangle way too much. I have heaps of unorganized photos and files, the pile getting harder to sift.

6) I will read old fashioned books like I have for twenty-nine of the last thirty years. I hardly feel like a need to apologize to the written word; I’ve never loved it more. However, I have traded turning pages for browsers. I will never be half the writer I wish to be until I return to the reader I once was.

7)  I will listen to more music. Music has gone from a large part of my life to a part of my life that is largely gone. No more. I will clear time for the occasional new artist as well as old favorites.

Of course I have additional private resolutions.  These are public, making them so was the first step to making them happen.

Writer Dad

Sean Platt is a ghostwriter for hire, specializing in custom blog posts.

Giant Sigh

Happy Deja Vuesday.  Today’s rewrite is from the post originally titled, “Wiped Out and Ready For More.

Enjoy!

“Slow down and everything you are chasing will come around and catch you.”

~John De Paola

49915119_47670f570eThere’s nothing so exhausting as a good vacation.

We closed our preschool ten days back and have been reveling in a rather loose routine ever since.  This is the first time we haven’t had a house guest during the winter break.  We love our usual visitor, but sharing our space during a long anticipated vacation is like getting to the front of the bathroom line, then being told you have to hold it.

It’s been difficult lately, shutting my mind off.  My body is exhausted, begging for rest, but a new year brimming with possibility is on the other side of the horizon and my brain only keeps bouncing as I try to slow.  I of course employ a multitude of methods, but each tactic is merely an umbrella in my brainstorm.

I count backward from a hundred, but before my tally nicks ninety, I find myself pondering a half year worth of yesterdays and twelve months of tomorrows.

I feel wonderfully wired after the most relaxing vacation I’ve ever had without passing city limits.  Daisy and I ambled through long, lingering conversations; unbuttoned words born from rest rather than the ashes of fatigue.  Horizons were mapped and conclusions agreed on.

Never has a New Year felt so promising, never have I felt so eager to greet it.

I’ll see you all tomorrow, and happy early New Years!

Writer Dad

Flutter Bye

“The butterfly counts not months but moments, and has time enough.”

~Rabindranath Tagore

Next week our preschool will close its doors.  When they reopen, it will be onto the wide sky of the worldwide web.  With hours of daylight between us, Daisy and I will swiftly build the online school of our dreams.

Back in the final weeks of August, when our exit was certain but time line unclear, we bid farewell to the first of our students.  Little Faye was heading to Kindergarten, just as she and her family were about to welcome a new baby brother into the world.

Baby Ray is now three months and as beautiful as his sister.  We still miss Faye every day, and her mom and dad as well.  In the three years we’ve known them, they have always treated Daisy and I with the utmost consideration and respect.

On the eve of our final farewell, I’d like to go back to the day when we said, “Bye Bye Butterfly.”

Enjoy, it’s worth the click and the minute and a half it takes to read it.

Writer Dad

Sean Platt is also a ghostwriter for hire.

I’m Working on it

“The secret of success in life is for a man to be ready for his opportunity when it comes.”

~Benjamin Disraeli

Happy Deja Vuesday.

If there was a single instrument that has allowed my life to sound out in a different key, it is my Macbook.  I’ve never been fluid enough with my guitar for my fingers to know the strings without the constant prodding of my mind, but when my digits dance across the keys of my laptop, it’s as if they know their way independent of my brain.

Of course I’d worked on computers before, but nothing else had felt so natural.  The Macbook made me feel like I was flying.  My first purchase was shortly before Mia was born.  It aged alongside my daughter, though the years were far kinder to one than the other.  It was old before its time, and I never did much with it, save crash the hard drive and lose a broken heart’s worth of pictures.

It is certainly possible that a different line of bread crumbs would have led me here to Blogopolis anyway, but it is difficult to imagine that we would be wandering through this particular here and now if it hadn’t been for Daisy saying, “Here’s a Macbook.  Go Make Your Million.

Writer Dad

Now I’m a dad and a ghostwriter for hire.

A Sense of Purpose

It is never too late to be who you might have been.

~George Eliot

Today’s Blogger I Heart is a fellow I first followed in fragments, before my visits moved to frequent.  We officially met in the middle of a series of sticks and stones barely missing our bones, about three weeks back.   In the aftermath of the scuffle, I believe we both found ourselves with a sharpened respect for the other.

Tim is a life coach. I know, I know, time out, right?  Being a life coach has to be the single best job in the world. Not only to you get to tell people what to do, they actually pay you to do it. When I try to tell people what to do, not only do they NOT give me money, they immediately change the subject .

Tim lays it down well. His posts are a wonderful mix of words and photos, piling together to prove a point.  He goes on Daring Adventures often, you can check them out here.  Without further ado, Tim Brownson:

A Sense of Purpose

Do you have some massive goals and dreams? I mean the big muvva’s that leave other people snickering or saying you need put the crack pipe down and return to reality at your soonest convenience? Do you want to be the first person on Mars, run a mile in under three and a half minutes, or discover the cure for cancer?

Huge goals are great, and I applaud you for having them, but if you’re going to achieve them you need a bit more than the ability to sit and daydream. You’re going to need plenty of self-confidence, a belief that you can do whatever it is you want to do and possibly the most important of all, a sense of purpose. Why it is you want to achieve whatever it is.

It’s a sense of purpose that drives the truly great. Do you think Bill Gates has a sense of purpose? What about Tiger Woods or Barrack Obama? You betcha they do, that’s what  keeps them going when things get tough. Gates doesn’t need any more money, Tiger any more trophies or Obama to put his life on the line. They could all retire and take up the quiet life if they wished, but that would leave them empty and unfulfilled.

A sense of purpose is equally important with other less world-shattering goals. You could try and quit smoking, or be determined to quit because you want to play with your grand kids without an oxygen mask in 30 years. You could go on a diet and see what happens, or you could be determined that you’ll lose 25lbs for your high school reunion next year and show people how great you can look.

It really doesn’t matter what it is you want to achieve, a sense of purpose will make it infinitely more likely.

The Georgetown Coach Lou Little stood on the sideline watching the players practice shaking his head in disbelief. It was a Monday morning and to say that some of the guys were tanking it in would be an understatement. He blew his whistle, called everybody together in the center of the field, and started to let them know his feelings.

After ranting about commitment and desire he turned and pointed to Henry Peterson. “Look at this guy” the coach, said “He’s been on our team for four years and never played a down. He’s first at practice and last to leave. He studies film, works out in his spare time and never complains when he doesn’t start. This guy is the glue that holds our team together. I wish you guys could follow Henry’s example more often.”

In Henry’s senior year, Georgetown had the best season in the school’s history. They were due to play Fordham University with their last game to win the state championship. This was the biggest game in the schools history, and excitement was at fever pitch.

The Monday prior to the game Coach Little was walking off the field after practice when Henry approached him. Henry said that his father had passed away that weekend and that there was to be a memorial service for him that Saturday. Much to the coach’s amazement, Henry apologized and said that he needed to be at the service.

Coach Little told Henry to go with his blessing and as a mark of respect the team would say a prayer for his dad before each practice and they’d also dedicate the game to his memory.

On the morning of the big game the Coach was in his office going over some last minute plans for the game when the door burst open and Henry walked in.

“Henry, what are you doing here, I thought it was the memorial service this morning.” Coach Little said.
“It was coach, but I felt like I had to be here. This has been my family for the last 4 years and I know my dad would want me to be here”
“Well ok, if you’re sure. Of course it’s great to have you”
“Coach, can I ask a favor?”
“Sure Henry, anything for you, you know that”
“Coach, I want to start today”
“Well Henry, I know I said anything, but I’m really not sure about that. This is the biggest game in the schools history”
“If you start me coach, I promise that the first missed assignment, dropped ball or mistake of any type you can pull me out the game.
The Coach looked hesitant, but he could see something in Henry’s eyes that made him believe that this young man wasn’t going to let him down.
“Well, ok Henry, but one mistake and you’re out, ok?”
“You got it Coach” and with that Henry turned and left the coach looking rather bemused.

That day Henry Peterson made 15 tackles and assisted in 11 more. He caused one fumble, recovered another and had an interception for the winning touchdown as Georgetown beat Fordham. He was voted Most Valuable Player and in short played the kind of game that people are talking about 60 years later.

After the game Coach Little ran onto the field and hugged Henry.

“Henry, why didn’t you tell me you could play like that, I had no idea. I could have used you for the last 4 years, but I never saw it in practice.”
“Did you ever meet my father Coach?”
“No, I didn’t have that privilege. I saw you walking round the field arm in arm with him a couple of times and I’m sorry now I didn’t come and say hello”
“Well coach, my father was blind and today was the first time he got to see me play football”

That’s a sense of purpose and that demonstrates what YOU can achieve if you tap into your own.

If you’d like to visit Tim, you can do it here. If you’d like to cut to the chase and subscribe to his feed, you can to that here.

A Time For Tears, A Time For Laughter

If you haven’t already chosen your movie for the Weekend, or even if you have, please give this some thought and honor this family.  Thanks to CityMama for the heads up.

Thank you.  See you on Monday.

Writer Dad

Crabs Don’t Walk Straight For a Reason

They must often change, who would be constant in happiness or wisdom.

~Confucious

These next months are all transition.  As our family moves from one life to the next, we must maintain the best of what we’re leaving behind, and anticipate the strange tide of an unfamiliar fate.  

Life well lived should blend consistency with adaptation, we are slaves to evolution after all.  We get one life, it should be glorious.  I want my family to take risks, aim high, and be thrilled no matter the outcome, so long as we tried. 

Daisy and I make a habit of never sitting still too long. 

In our time, we’ve made subtle shifts with modest regularity, penciling in a seismic tremor every few years. 

Our pending adventure rests on a fault line. 

Daisy’s lived everywhere; I’ve lived in the same burg since before I could walk.  She’s taught abroad, packing her rucksack with lessons learned in many countries, on several continents; I’ve rarely left my city. 

A craving to travel, born long ago, is now roaring inside me. 

I want to see everything I haven’t, learn what I don’t know, and visit places that will fill me in a way that the same half a million street signs stuck deep in the concrete of my own city never could.  Being able to find success as a writer, means my office can fit in a knapsack. 

Who am I kidding? 

In another three years, I’ll be slipping it next to my wallet. 

Few things are as romantic as the thought of working wherever I am, whenever I happen to find myself there.  And though success from the keyboard is a matter of when not if, this period is paramount to our preparation. 

Right now, we are hermit crabs looking for a bigger and better shell.  We engage in daily discussion about what’s hiding behind tomorrow’s shadow, but sometimes we get anxious for the sun to illuminate an obvious direction. 

But Writer Dad, wouldn’t overnight success be wrong?

Yes, it would.

Just as nine months of pregnancy prepares the body for the sleepless nights and new, exhausting lifestyle, we need this time to draw ourselves together.  

The biggest difficulty is knowing when to pull the plug.  We have families that are depending on us.  When our world changes, theirs will too. 

We know we’re going, but we’re not sure when. 

In the meantime, we must continue to look our clients in the eye, do the best we can to educate and nurture their children while they’re with us, and believe that everything is for a reason, and all in good time. 

A hermit crab must be sure his new home is right before he leaves his old one to the tide.

Writer Dad

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