“Don’t wait to make your son a great man - make him a great boy.”
~Author Unknown
So the other day, Mia and I were…
“Dad.”
“Hold on buddy, I’m telling a story.”
“But I have to tell you something.”
“Okay, but hurry. This post isn’t gonna write itself.”
“It’s my turn.”
“What do you mean? Your turn for what?”
“You talked about Mia last day. It’s my turn.”
“No, Max. Yesterday I wrote about language, and how we learn…”
“No Daddy, you talked about Mia’s school. You always talk about her. You never talk about me.”
“That’s not true, Max.”
“I see what you’re saying, Buddy, but I did a whole post about you right when I first started. Remember?”
“I know how to count, Daddy. This is just like all the pictures of Mia in iphoto.“
“… Um… Well, do you want to watch a movie?”
“Daddy…”
“It’s just that you’re such a good boy, Max. And people like conflict. Mia gives me more to talk about. You know how Daddy keeps working on his book? It’s because there’s not enough conflict.”
“Maybe you could work on the book instead of talking about Mia.“
“You’re right, Max. Come here and give me a hug.”
I know exactly what to say.
My son Max is the nicest person I’ve ever met.
Yes, I know. Being his father should reduce my opinion to little more than an infomercial intruding from another room, but really, if you met him, I’m sure you’d agree.
He says thank you for everything, from a donut before school (a rarity, I promise) to a shot in the arm from the doctor (I’ll tell you that story some other time).
He admits when he’s tired, and tells me at least ten times a day that he loves me, that I’m his best friend, or both.
He will share any toy with anyone, without so much as a thought to slow him.
He is not yet familiar with the worst of humanity, and still believes in everything from Santa Clause to the Easter Bunny without the thinnest wrinkle of suspicion.
He is a teacher’s dream and would make any parent proud.
What about the conflict?
Well, thankfully, he isn’t perfect.
If our rascal was perfect now, Daisy and I would be living in dread of the moment the rug would be yanked from under our feet; terrified that the days were numbered until our little boy was swallowed by the monster of adolescence, causing us to rescind every kind word we’d ever gushed on his behalf.
No, Max may be impossibly nice, but he can also be quite the little rascal, with just enough pesky conduct to assure us that none of his boy parts are broken.
His three most reassuring behaviors:
- Max has the innate ability to lead (manipulate) just about any child (no more than two years his senior) into doing exactly what he wants at any given time. This is a jedi like gift, but he has not always chosen to use it for good.
- He has the ability to migrate from riotous laughter to sullen pout in the thinnest slice of a second (a performance that works exponentially better on Daisy than it does on me, though the opposite I’m sure is true with Mia).
- Max has the occasional, yet unwavering conviction that he is in charge of drafting the house rules, and that everyone else must have simply missed the memo.
But even in their totality, or packed inside a single day, Max really is the most delightful boy I could ever imagine - generous, and funny, and nice.
Seriously, Max, if you were any less of a rascal, I’d be searching for my receipt.
Writer Dad
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Jarkko Laine 08.21.08 at 2:19 am
What a beautiful story! I still have just one kid (and he’s just a bit over one year old) so I haven’t yet had to deal with the fact that kids know how to count. But I imagine it’s not that far away at all.
I’m happy to have found this blog - and love your style! Keep up the good work!
Jarkko Laines last blog post..(The Key to Life is) Running, Reading… and Writing
Dave Fowler 08.21.08 at 2:20 am
The same conversation in my house…..
“Dad.”
“Hold on buddy, I’m cooking dinner.”
“Humph! You never listen to me.” STOMP STOMP STOMP
You’ve obviously taught your children how to express themselves. It’s something I need to work on.
….and ‘rascal’ is a great word.
Cheers
Dave.
Kool Aid 08.21.08 at 3:01 am
I loved hearing about your little man. Rascal is a great word and works so well to describe little boys. I get the feeling your little man and mine would establish a great dictatorship if they ever got together.
Kool Aids last blog post..car line
Mike Goad 08.21.08 at 5:55 am
Kid’s can be amazing…, and they also notice when their siblings seem to get more attention than they do. Sounds like you have great kids.
Last December, before we went on a visit to Wisconsin, I was warned that I needed to pay more attention to our grandson than I had on the last visit. It seems that he got the impression that I cared more for his sister than I did him…, which, of course wasn’t true. So I took extra care to include both of them and to be sure that I didn’t unintentionally pay more attention to his sister than I did him. Nothing more was said after that.
It’s funny, though, how I was told about the problem. My daughter was apparently reluctant to tell me so she told my wife, who then told me.
Writer Dad 08.21.08 at 7:02 am
Jarkko: Thank you, Jarkko (with an extra thank you on the side). I love the layout of your blog. It really stands out. Daisy and I plan on getting lost there this weekend.
Dave: Best strategy ever, and I think I’m going to do an entire post on this, is silence. When either of my children are being annoying or loud, I ignore them. Then they’re more inclined to use words rather than body language to express themselves. Dave, thank you for being so constant. I appreciate you being here.
Kool Aid: I have no doubt.
Mike: It’s so hard, and you don’t want to feel like your every action is under the microscope. I know in my house, the competition for attention is fierce. I think it always will be.
David "CrazyKinux" Perry 08.21.08 at 7:04 am
As adults we tend to complicate things way too much. Sometimes, well most times I think, if we saw things from our child’s perspectives, it would help us make better decisions.
We also become blazé with so much of life’s little treasures. There are these moments when something simple and beautiful is right in our face, yet we can’t seem to see it (that’s what my wife says about me and looking for something in the fridge anyways). Things like a drop of water on leaf, a bird singing, someone laughing, and all these little moments that surround us.
Everyday I’m reminded of the beauty of life. All because of my daughter.
Writer Dad 08.21.08 at 7:18 am
David: That is precisely why Daisy and I opened a pre-school together, so that we wouldn’t miss those moments. It’s amazing what you miss, if you don’t take the time to stop, listen, and observe.
Sal 08.21.08 at 8:27 am
WD: This reminds me of a story I heard once, and if you don’t mind I would like to share it.
A little boy goes running in to his daddy’s home office.
“Daddy, daddy, can we go play catch out front for a little while?”
“No” the dad replied, “I have a lot of work to get done and it can’t wait.”
The little boy stood there for a moment in disbelief, his daddy didn’t want to play catch with him. He then mustered up the courage to ask “Daddy, how much do they pay you each hour at work?”
His dad responded “$34.17 an hour, why?”
“No reason” the boy responded and ran out of the room all excited. After about a half hour, he came back downstairs to the kitchen and asked his mom if he could borrow $1.13 and would repay her shortly.
The boy then ran back into the office where his dad sat dilligently working on the computer. He dumped out exactly $34.17 on the desk from his piggy bank and the borrowed money.
His dad turned around to a huge smile from the little boy “here daddy, now can I have an hour of your time to play catch?”
It is amazing the relationship with a dad and his daughter and a mom and her son. It is hard for me to find fault with our little girl because I have been wrapped around her finger since I knew she was a girl. Our son on the other hand, completely laid back and the exact opposite in attitude, gives me one hard time and then his mom comes to the rescue and the world is back where it should be.
Sals last blog post..10 Business Strategies I Learned from Wal-Mart
Ultimate Blogging Experiment 08.21.08 at 8:36 am
I enjoyed this article a lot. I always like to find blogs like this that are different than any other ones I read. This should be recommended to everyone.
Ultimate Blogging Experiments last blog post..Should I Have a Long Kick Ass Article or Short Kick Ass Article?
Friar 08.21.08 at 8:51 am
Sounds like you have a pretty good kid, there.
If it were my nephew, the conversation would have gone something like this:
” WAAAAAHHHHH!!!! WAAAAAHHHHHHH!!! SCREEECH!!! ”
(…for the next 20 minutes).
Friars last blog post..Who are the People in Your Neighborhood?
Kyddryn 08.21.08 at 8:58 am
When the Evil Genius was a wee babe, I worried something awful was going to happen, he was so good - didn’t fuss, slept on his own, slept through the night before six weeks (boy, did that get the pediatrician’s knickers in a twist!), ate anything I gave him, never got sick. Yikes!
Now he’s five. Also, he’s all boy. Whew. Crisis averted.
Umm…excuse me…he’s trying to convince the cat that the dishwasher is a rocket to Mars…
Shade and Sweetwater,
K
Kyddryns last blog post..Fish Story
Evelyn Lim 08.21.08 at 9:44 am
Your story reminds me about my younger daughter, who at this moment is fast asleep. She’s definitely the rascal in the family alright. She “bosses” me around, is not afraid to tell me that she is angry with me or that I’ve done something more for her sister. At the same time, in her tender moments, she knows how much I love her and does the sweetest things for me. She’s really got me wrapped round her finger!!
Evelyn Lims last blog post..Guest Post: 7 Tips On How To Handle Rejection In Life
Mary 08.21.08 at 9:54 am
Lovely post. It’s nice to read a dad blog for a change!
Marys last blog post..The Suicide Disease
Writer Dad 08.21.08 at 9:54 am
Sal: I love your story, perfectly illustrative. I know I’m lucky to have the set (boy and girl) to perfectly match Daisy and I. I never take it for granted.
UBE: Thank you for saying that. I guess if I had a single aim with this blog, it’s that it shouldn’t be able to come from anyone but me.
Friar: Is it possible for you to leave a comment without making me laugh?
Kyddryn: You mean, the dishwasher doesn’t go to Mars?
Evelyn: They own us, don’t they?
Lance 08.21.08 at 10:11 am
What a great story about your Max. I think everyone has a little bit of rascal in them. You love them very much, I can tell - that’s wonderful.
Each child is unique, aren’t they? Even in the same family. And they all have a way of sometimes wrapping us around their fingers.
Lances last blog post..Sometimes You Just Have to Take That Leap
Mike Goad 08.21.08 at 10:14 am
Another thought about our kids. When it came time for gifts or otherwise spending money on them, we were always careful to not buy more for one than we did for the other. Now, with one of them 36 and the other 33, I still find my wife carefully calculating how much we’ve spent on each.
The good news? They both like gift cards — which makes it so much easier.
Amy 08.21.08 at 10:25 am
Max sounds a bit like one of my nephews. His sister is the bid deal at their house, and he’s the nice one. Better start blogging about him more so he won’t become too rascally.
Therapy surely will be interesting in about ten years. Kids today will grow up and see shrinks because of what their parents said about them (or didn’t say) on the internet. Hehe.
Amys last blog post..Counting Sheep (Or, Sleepy Chick Joins Twitter)
Lori 08.21.08 at 10:45 am
Great post. I must say though that I think that although your sons temperment might be part of why he is the way he is, I think the biggest reason is because you are an example to him of what a real man is…plus it is evident that you and his mom have invested a lot of love and time into him. You have given him a solid loving foundation that enables him to know his self worth and value. You really are blessed aren’t you? It is great that you are passing on to your children all these things that they will carry with them into the future!
PS You probabaly already know this but I just have to say it. The very fact that you think so highly of your son( and he knows that you do)and express it the way you do, means the world to him.
Loris last blog post..In her shoes
Ian Parker 08.21.08 at 10:57 am
@WD: Max sounds like a really intelligent boy. At the very least he’s got some logic behind his arguments. Good story.
@Sal: If I ever have a kid like that, I don’t know what I’ll do. I suppose it’s a parent’s lot to accept that their children will inevitably surpass them in intelligence one day. Heh.
@Friar: You are one funny guy. Glad I found your blog via WD.
Ian Parkers last blog post..Tossed into The Deep Friar
Writer Dad 08.21.08 at 11:31 am
Lance: Mia and Max are apple and orange, but they both have me wrapped around their finger.
Mike: Some habits never die, but gift cards make them easier to handle.
Amy: Ha. I never thought about that before, but I’m sure you’re right. Sounds like a future post to me.
Lori: Thank you for your words, they mean a lot. I do know that my son’s world is built by his parents. We do not take it lightly.
Ian: He does know how to string his arguments together. Friar makes Writer Dad say, ha ha ha.
Tara@From Dawn Till Rusk 08.21.08 at 12:08 pm
Aww that is really lovely. You are so right, it’s really easy to write about the ‘difficult’ child and how funny/exasperating/infuriating they are and how they wind you up and how you feel like you’re less of a parent to them because you feel you just didn’t ‘get it right’ with them.
And the ‘good’ child’s reward is to be ignored almost because, well because they’re good and don’t need constant nagging!
Tara@From Dawn Till Rusks last blog post..Today, I am famous . . .
Andrew Hull 08.21.08 at 12:27 pm
As my oldest 3-year-old son would say…that is the “coolest of the cool posts”
http://fatherhoodandbeyond.wordpress.com/2008/08/19/enjoying-the-mundane/
Andrew Hulls last blog post..“But Daddy” from Writer Dad
Melissa Donovan 08.21.08 at 12:38 pm
What a sweet tribute to Max. He sounds absolutely delightful! If he can’t give you conflict to write about, then maybe he can provide inspiration for being positive and thoughtful. You must feel like a lucky dad indeed.
Writer Dad 08.21.08 at 12:42 pm
Tara: It’s a razor edged double blade indeed. Congratulations on your featured blogger of the day.
Andrew: We are the luckiest of the lucky.
Melissa: He is, and he does.
Luis Gross 08.21.08 at 1:36 pm
Writer Dad,
That’s completely adorable! Max sounds like a chip off the ‘ol block.
The situation is definitely a double edged sword, but I think you’re going to have to write more on little ‘ol Max — after all, you don’t want him going into his piggy bank and coming back with $37.17 now do ya?
And that quote should be framed and hung up on a wall for all to see.
Luis Grosss last blog post..The Difference Between You and Darren Rowse
Vered 08.21.08 at 2:00 pm
Both my kids are delightful… but one of them is definitely “easier” than the other one is. While one of them is kind and thoughtful and incredibly honest, the other is feisty and charming and gets what she wants in life.
I adore both of them. I am learning so much from each of them. But raising the “easy” child is, well, easier.
Vereds last blog post..Thank You For Smoking
Hayden Tompkins 08.21.08 at 2:00 pm
Hey, Max,
YOU ROCK. I just thought you’d like to know.
I, too, used to use my powers of manipulation :ahem: PERSUASION for evil instead of good. Anyway, Max. You’re thinking too small. Getting people to do what you want is easy. I know.
I used to convince my brother that the top bunk was the awesomest, just so I could have the bottom bunk to make into a fort. (Flip the blanket over the side and BAM! instant fort.) When I was tired of the bottom, I would talk about how awesome having the fort was and he would insist on ‘making me move’ to the top. Sometimes he was such a crybaby.
Anyway, Max, like I said - I was thinking too small. I got him to do much more interesting things…like go to college and write me (ME!) some really incredible music.
Just think about it, Max. Anyway, anytime you want to get featured in your dad’s blog - go ahead and ask him. I promise I’ll tell him that I am SO INTERESTED in what you do. He can’t resist the BOTH of us…I’m just saying.
Hope you feel better now,
Hayden
Hayden Tompkinss last blog post..A World of Hope
Writer Dad 08.21.08 at 2:07 pm
Luis: I think next week I’ll tell the “shot” story. It’s awesome. I had never seen that quote until last night when I was looking for something appropriate, but now I am in love with it.
Vered: “Feisty and charming and gets what she wants out of life.” You have just effectively described Mia. Fantastically exhausting, isn’t it.
Hayden: Let me tell you why you rock. You spoke directly to Max. That’s awesome. He is resting right now, but when he wakes up, I am going to read what you wrote to him. It will make him feel very special. Thank you.
Andy 08.21.08 at 2:08 pm
You should see the relationship with my father; I’m no more than a drinking buddy to him, and I’m only 16! I don’t even know what love is. Nice post though.
Dereck Coatney 08.21.08 at 3:28 pm
Considering that I’d say child behavior is more nurture than nature:
Good on both of you
Dereck Coatneys last blog post..What a Growing Blog Feels Like
Rita 08.21.08 at 3:54 pm
What a cutie! And the kid’s not too bad either - lol.
I sometimes marvel how 2 children, begun by 2 similar gene pools, can be so different…and how we can love each as much as the other, no matter how different they are.
Truly, though, the SINGLE most important thing to ME was that they love and respect eachother. THAT, without fail, has been the single biggest achievement of my life.
Good going,
Rita
Ritas last blog post..My Father, the Anchor
Writer Dad 08.21.08 at 4:10 pm
Andy: I thought you were kidding until I went to your site. Keep up the writing. You’re a natural.
Dereck: Thank you, and congratulations on your traffic. You deserve it.
Rita: Mia and Max are the best of friends. They emulate Mommy and Daddy 90% of the time. The rest of the time, they’re imitating the Hatfields and McCoys.
Hayden Tompkins 08.21.08 at 5:35 pm
Hayden Tompkinss last blog post..A World of Hope
Robin 08.21.08 at 5:36 pm
He sounds like a powerful little boy!
Cheers - Robin
Robins last blog post..Reincarnation… A Scenario
Emily 08.21.08 at 8:22 pm
This was fun!
He sounds so much like my son. Although mine is only 18 months, he admits when he’s tired and switches from sullen to smiles and back again in a flash.
Max sounds like a strong boy who knows how to say what he means. A lot like his dad.
Emilys last blog post..What Motivates You?
T Edwards 08.21.08 at 8:36 pm
I’m blessed to have 2 beautiful daughters and they are complete opposites. My youngest is shy and her sister is an extrovert. They compete with each other for my love and attention. It’s so sad that these days don’t last forever. I will enjoy them while I can.
Talk to you soon
T
T Edwardss last blog post..Don’t Call Me Red, Blue Boy!
Writer Dad 08.21.08 at 9:39 pm
Hayden: Smiley face back at ya.
Robin: That he is.
Emily: I am sure that your son will be generous with his compliments, just like his mother.
T Edwards: That’s why we write. The moments can’t last forever, but the words can.
Bamboo Forest 08.21.08 at 9:58 pm
Some great lines in this post.
“This post isn’t gonna write itself.”
They never do.
Bamboo Forests last blog post..7 Reasons Finger Traps are Glorious
Dot H. 08.22.08 at 8:30 am
Good for you, Max! You tell him when he’s not being fair!
Actually, Writer Dad, if you’re going to use your children as subject matter, I think you should do it equitably, and I’m not so sure I’d agree that only conflict is interesting. Maybe in a novel, but not necessarily in a blog. Joy in your experience of M ax is interesting, too. And I think equality is important, as I’ve heard many men complain in support groups that their Dads hadn’t had time for them. And, of course, Andy said above, “You should see the relationship with my father; I’m no more than a drinking buddy to him, and I’m only 16! I don’t even know what love is.”
Writer Dad 08.22.08 at 9:04 am
Bamboo: My favorite - “This is just like all the pictures in iphoto.” It’s true. We have like three thousand pictures of our daughter before our son was born and then the count drops to like three dozen for him . It’s nothing personal, it’s just that time and space seem to forever alter once that second child is born.
Dot: Of course. I was being funny, not serious. I love Max without end, and spend all day with him every day. Hop over to Andy’s blog. We had a nice exchange over there. Daisy even piped in.
Rita 08.22.08 at 4:37 pm
WD,
I just read the last comment in here. NO JUDGEMENTS on anybody else’s opinions. (No matter how ill-thought-out.)
I’ve been thinking for weeks, though - and it gelled after the comment you left on “My Anchor” Blog. Kids don’t come with handbooks, unfortunately, but you and Daisy seem to “get it.” Have you ever blogged about your OWN dad? If so, could you direct me there?
If not - I don’t want to go to touchy areas, but good, bad or indifferent, I’d be interested in knowing a bit…your blog, your decisions, but I DID devote an entire blog to YOU on why I’ve never tasted coffee.
No guilt, of course…
r
Ritas last blog post..Rest In Peace, Dear Joey G. – Your Damn Dad Molested Me
Writer Dad 08.23.08 at 7:29 am
Rita: My father and I have an excellent relationship. I worked with him for twelve years before starting the nursery school with Daisy. I have talked about him already, I just do it in broad strokes. He is a private man and I respect his privacy.
Kimmelin 08.24.08 at 6:41 am
You know, what occurs to me, after reading this post for a second time, is the sometimes frustrating dynamic that is so common with young kids…but purposeful at the same time:
As a SAHM, I spend A TON of time with my kids. A TON. Is it ALWAYS perfect, well-spent, fruitful, nurturing, loving time? No, of course not. Is it that a lot of the time? Absolutely.
I struggle with being a stay-at-home parent. I struggle with the sacrifices it represents, and the knowledge of the other, more selfish things I could be doing. But I’m also glad to have made the choice to stay home with my kids…and for all the things I DON’T miss out on…and for the direct influence I have on my kids’ lives.
But some days, even after I’ve taken the kids to the park, and the children’s museum and the icecream store, and on a nature walk…I still here them utter those famous words, “but Mom, you didn’t give me enough attention!” or “but Mom, you didn’t do anything nice for me today!” Ugh…those ones really hurt.
But these statements…Max’s desire to be the object of Dad’s next post…they are all reminders that our children want…need…crave our 100% attention. They need it to thrive. They need it to be reminded that they are, in fact, the true objects of our desire and love and focus.
Can we supply our kids with 100% attention all the time? Can we make them our 100% focus above the other kids and adult(s) in the family all the time? Of course not. But we can do our damndest to show them that they are worthy of that type of attention sometimes, and stroke their little egos that will someday allow them to turn into confident, self-assured adults? Absolutely.
Thanks for this lovely post, Writer Dad.
Kimmelins last blog post..Teaching Gender Roles
Michael@ Awareness * Connection 08.24.08 at 11:27 am
I really enjoyed this one. The reader above is certainly right about there being no handbooks that come with kids. They also by design will push for as many as of their parents resources as they can get. So we have an eternal balancing act between providing for them the connection and resources they need and crave, and setting some reasonable limits about just how far beyond that we are willing and able to go. They, again by no fault of their own, and by design, are apt to forget that there are others in the household with their own needs as well.
You really captured the feel of this push and pull for me. Thanks.
Michael@ Awareness * Connections last blog post..One Year Ago on Awareness * Connection: Helping Your Child with Back to School Anxiety
Writer Dad 09.07.08 at 7:19 pm
Kimmelin: You are so welcome. Your comment was a sweet bookend. Thank YOU.
Michael: My pleasure, Michael. I enjoyed your one year ago article.