Some of you may have noticed the dwindling blog posts during the last few weeks.
While I said I’m busy, that’s only partially true. I’ve also been wrestling with a difficult decision to come clean with you, the reader.
While you have gotten to know me (and my writing partner David Wright of Blogger Dad) as fathers and writers over the past year and a half, we haven’t been exactly honest.
Remember how last year Men With Pens came out and admitted that neither of them were in fact men (and oddly, neither used pens, but rather pencils)?
That was nothing.
This confession is far more shocking.
And a bit more painful because someone has basically forced us to come out and admit who we really are. It’s a long story and not worth going into other than to say we are setting the matter straight on our terms, not anybody else’s.
While it will come as a shocker, some of you have stumbled on the truth, even if you didn‘t know it. Deep Friar and others on Twitter have joked that Dave and I are actually the same person.
Well, congratulations. You were right.
Sean Platt and David Wright are in fact one person.
And neither of us is really a father.
Actually, we’re a mother.
Go ahead, soak it in.
Our, or rather, my real name is Jessica McCormack. I’m a mother of not one, but three children. Yes, Writer Dad and Blogger Dad are actually Writer Mom and Blogger Mom.
You knew we were just a bit too sensitive to be men, right?
But that’s not all.
Here’s the part which will come as a surprise to the person who has threatened to out “us.”
My name isn’t REALLY Jessica.
In fact, I’m not even an American.
I’m an alien. No, not a filthy Canadian like Friar, but rather a REAL alien. As in from outer space.
My real name is Yutvifhtxzz (or as close as your language can pronounce it) and I come from another planet just outside your solar system. The planet is called xj87d, and exists in the solar system you have named Epsilon Eridani, which is roughly 10.5 light years from your sun.
I came here to live among you humans in hopes of understanding you.
In the past 2 years, I’ve tried to figure out why:
People stop in doorways as they exit stores to look at their receipts in total disregard for the people behind them?
Every comment section on every website with either news or videos devolves into either a racist or disturbing conversation?
Why MTV is called Music Television?
Why humans will return to the fridge and open the door over and over when they are hungry, as if they expect new food to magically appear?
Why every mattress dealership this side of Alpha Centauri always has large signs advertising a giant price reduction?
I didn’t say I was here for anything important, and I’m still no closer to understanding people than I was two years ago.
Now that the secret’s out, I suppose you’ll go off and read some human’s blog. Thanks for getting to know us, er, I mean me.
It’s been fun.
One last thing. Since we’re in the spirit of confession, I figured you should see a photograph of the real me, not the Hollywood actors and drawings I’ve employed for the past two years.
I must warn you, though. My species is repugnant to look at. Hideous monsters that will frighten all but the most jaded observer.
You have been warned.
About Sean Platt
Are you the dog or the strawberries?
Hi Yutvifhtxzz – did you go away for another baby? Planets sound fun – just rather long journeys ..
the mutt looks as shocked as I am .. but it is April Fool's Day .. so I guess none of us are the wiser – & you obviously definitely aren't .. so enjoy Easter en famille – whereever you decide to spend it .. here, there, travelling & dodging the meteorites .. the blog's fun though .. so please keep your pencil, or quill, or feather from another age .. Go well – Hilary
I think I might actually be the meat. :)
ek;wrq lell rji;qwl3i rkd elqi3 3lq;;e;wl 4 3q k dfask Easter kdfja;feil.
You got me there for a moment. That was the first time anybody actually fooled me today. Thanks for that. Happy April 1st to you and your family!
Happy April Fool's day to you too, Sean. I know you remember my favorite one, when you were about ten and i changed you into a dress, painted your fingernails and put curlers in your hair while you slept! Yes, you were a real sound sleeper and I was laughing so hard as I put my little man into houswife drag that I can not believe you did not wake up! I wish I had a photo….it was priceless, though I'm sure caused some mother -issues! Love you, boog, mom.
Good one. You got me with that. All I can say is: When is the Mothership going to take us all away?
Wow. I'm flabbergasted at this revelation. Good thing you're an internet entrepreneur. Too much human interaction might not be so good for business.
Ha. I'm glad to know it worked. I really wasn't sure. Dave wrote like 98% of it, I just added a bit of garnish. There's a matching one on his domain.
Happy April Fool's Day!
Soon I hope. Once LOST is over, I'm outta here!
Or the time you pretended the car wouldn't start and that we'd have to walk to school.
Good times.
Too bad the car parked on the lawn wasn't an April Fool's Joke.
See ya tonight!
Being an Internet Entrepreneur's easy when you're an alien. We just think at the keyboard and words fill the screen. I had to pretend to struggle there for a while, though. All part of the ruse.
You know…I KNEW there was something up with you and Blogger Dad!!!
I KNEW it!!!
Hah!!!!!
Filthy Canadian.
:)
Filthy Canadian.
:)
At this point, how do we know you're actually Sean's Mom? ;-)
That's “MISTER” Filthy Canadian, eh?
We are totally Sean's mom.
Bwahahahaha
Be careful.
On my planet, that is a mating call.
a;kfda;ejr0qals;df akldfaeelf il alfe kasdf;asldfja; feil laldf
afjei;a!!!!
lksdafkasldf?
kkaf Canadian.
dkfja.
UGH! You had me!
I can't believe I fell for it. At least until you said you weren't even an American. Everyone knows chihuahuas are totally USA.
I'm thrilled I got you!
Wonderful to see you, Randi. :)
I think you're the cheese :)
I think you're the chips. :)
no, no – WAIT – I spotted a beer back there! That's really you, isn't it?
YES! Just like in LOST. I'm the liquid in the glass. (Don't know if you saw the RIchard Albert episode from two weeks ago, but it was holy crap awesome).
dude, I'm like 4 episodes behind…. I'm sure I'll still be watching long after LOST is over and you've jetted from this rock.
LOL. You've really gotta see it. Just fantastic. Probably the second best episode of the series.
Sensitive, creative, and humourous too, despite your hate for Canadians ;-)…. well done.
We/I actually love Canadians.
Have a wonderful weekend, Trina!
Hilarious!
Ha! I'm glad you liked it Ari. Most of the credit has to go to Dave, but I'll take my share.
Thanks!
I read this on April 5th, so I was actually a bit worried there. Was anything true?
Not a word. :)
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