Protecting Our Children From Narcissists
NOTE: This is a guest post from Lori Hoeck from ThinkLikeABlackbelt.
In the white-water rapids of parenting – when work, visiting relatives, or perhaps that needed car repair threaten to swamp your raft – it’s hard to rearrange competing priorities.
Sometimes it’s all you can do to lift your paddle, or drag your fingers over the side.
But sometimes, there’s a tug at your attention.
“Move this one up in the queue,” it says.
- Perhaps it’s a new way of eating after a friend’s child is diagnosed with diabetes.
- Perhaps it’s a CPR class when your mom moves in with the family.
- Perhaps it’s insistence that you will all take a vacation as soon as a good deal pops up.
Today, Betsy Wuebker and I would like you to add one more thing, an understanding that will help you and your children dodge heartache, betrayal, and stress. It’s something you may have never heard of, or maybe rarely think about outside of abstract terms.
Until it’s standing dead in front of you like a wall of concrete and you find yourself going far too fast to stop.
What are we talking about?
Recognizing a narcissist.
Most times, the word “narcissist” is applied to simple ego-maniacs or attention-seekers.
But narcissists are more, much more than that.
They can make you feel guilt and demand you take the blame for all their ills. They will use every trick in the book to keep you squirming under their thumb. They finesse and skillfully manipulate situations as easily as you sip at a cup of coffee. They build themselves up at the expense of others. Their machinations can lead to feelings of dread, depression and other disorders in those with whom they’re involved.
Their need to do this, like any addictive behavior, will escalate after they’ve used up their existing narcissistic supply. Even more frightening – the idea that one could be zeroing in on your child.
Think Venus Fly trap.
Think sweet poison.
Think primrose path.
Think predator.
As parents, we spend an inordinate amount of time concerning ourselves with boosting our child’s self-esteem. Yet few of us consider, much less know, the essential strategies we need to protect against a narcissist. And if we don’t know or consider how to protect ourselves from being victimized, how ever are we going to equip our children with the skills to do the same?
Betsy and I have written a guide that addresses just that.
In The Narcissist: A User’s Guide, we pull the rug from under a toxic dynamic that serves the narcissist while sucking the life from his prey. We help you turn the tables. Instead of being used, you can use our tips and scripts to stand your ground. And, you can teach your child to be positively assertive in the face of a probe by a narcissist, causing the predator to slink away in search of easier prey.
If you have formerly been involved with a narcissist, you already know how difficult it can be to leave the relationship. If you’re currently in a relationship with a narcissist, you may have been concerned about modeling an inappropriate perception of life in front of your child.
There’s no way to completely heal if there’s even a remote chance you might find yourself in a repeat situation.
Our guide can help.
We teach you how to spot narcissistic behavior and cover why the narcissistic response is dangerous. We include stories and anecdotes submitted by a variety of individuals who have been involved with narcissists. You may see some parallels to puzzling or frustrating behaviors within relationships you’ve experienced. Plus, we show you what to do once you’ve assessed the situation to change your responses and ultimately neutralize additional harm.
You’ll want to read The Narcissist: A User’s Guide. You may want to pass it along to someone you know. When you read it, you may recognize individuals in your own life who have displayed characteristics or have played a role in a narcissistic relationship. You’ll begin to think about arming your child with age-appropriate defenses, including additional awareness on your part, to avoid the downward spiral participating in a toxic dynamic can trigger.
Our job as parents is to acquaint our children with the good and teach them to treat it with preference.
We want to encourage our children to embrace life in an open and giving way, but we must protect their sweet natures if we wish for them grow into healthy individuals with loving relationships that thrive on reciprocity of spirit.
A narcissist has no place in all that. Let’s make sure they get out and stay out.
Download the e-book here.
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Hi, I'm Sean Platt - author, father, and Creative Director at Rev Media Marketing. Writer Dad is my life as it unfolds. This chapter of my journey began two years back when I 




