I‘ve never written a post on a plane before.
But here I am up in the sky and on my way to new adventure. The acid of the unknown has settled, finally fleeing along with the feeling that there’s something I’m forgetting – that emotional carry-on that seems to accompany every flight.
Before I land, I’d like to make a promise. But before I do I would like to say thanks to the trinity of people who have saturated my days and nights with their eternal support and unflinching faith.
You three have been there to see me type my fingers down to raw and blistered digits, to constantly inspire and encourage, and to hold me on the rare occasion when I finally vented a cry, wondering with shuddering tears if I would ever make it.
Cindy, you never doubted it. Mia, you never stopped reminding me I was the world’s best writer, no matter how many times I assured you I wasn’t. And Max, it would be impossible for you to love me any more. Believe me, buddy, the feeling’s mutual.
We set to render our online dreams to reality and we have, though at times we’ve had to hack through the hedges of Hades to get here. Back when we first started, our dreams were fresh, and they alone were enough to give us all the energy we needed. We worked the preschool by daylight, then flipped the candle and burned the other end until well past midnight. Night after night after night.
Write a fresh post, answer comments and emails, get my name out there as much as I could. Go to sleep spent, then wake up and do it again.
“I promise,” I said. “It won’t be this way forever.”
You believed in the dream.
We closed our school and the money dried immediately. We tightened our belts and prepared for hard times. Even poised, things were a high multiple worse than expected.
Our dream was clear, but far away. Like a mountain’s peak looming at the edge of an endless sweeping plain. Though we remained forever hopeful, we were under no illusions.
It would be difficult.
And it was.
Month after month our dreams mushroomed in cost and our horizon continued to pixelate. My ambition to write for a living shifted to cruel mockery. I dreamed of writing fiction and gorgeous prose that might someday pass between friends and lovers. In reality I wrote about lawnmowers, barbecues, DUI’s and auto warranties – when I was lucky.
I wrote garbage articles that no one would ever read. As much as I loathed them, I did my best to keep the smile on my face. The three of you needed to see it, and though the pay was pennies, pennies made dollars and we needed them badly.
Every morning you would rise, Cindy, to the tip-tip-tapping of my keyboard. Max would climb on one side and Mia on the other. My arms would snake around the smallish set of similar shoulders, but I kept tip-tip-tapping the entire time.
Off to school, then home again home again, jiggity gig… The sun low in the sky, Daddy was still tip-tap-tapping.
“Daddy needs more time,” Mommy would say, “But he’ll be down for dinner.”
A bite to eat, a glance at the homework, then back upstairs. Another few hours of hammering at the keys, racing to minimize the next days to-do’s while my mind tried to part the creeping fog that always seemed to settle in around midnight. Eventually, I’d slip into bed exhausted.
Cindy, I’m sorry for every night you waited up for a me who was too exhausted to speak. And I’m sorry for every night you waited on me, only to succumb to sleep before I arrived.
The seven day scheduled stretched for far too long. When we finally took the Macbook in to get the keyboard repaired, the Apple Genius said he’d never seen one so battered.
“I promise,” I said, looking all three of you in the eyes more times than I can count. “I’m only working this hard now so I won’t always have to.”
You all believed me because I’ve never let you down before.
Eventually the nickel and dime articles evaporated and David and I managed to build our business to a point where all our needs were being met. A growing list of happy clients were in love with our work, eager to book, and even willing to wait in line.
Then, after waiting so long for our patience to yield triumph, I’ve gone and laid it all on the line. I’ve embraced the gaping chasm of a certain unknown and pulled those I love most, once again into the trenches of risk.
And you haven’t flinched.
Cindy, your faith is unwavering as always. Max and Mia you both believe in me with a pristine perspective that I find both inspiring and entirely humbling.
Thank you.
The gentleman sitting to my left probably thinks me sad. It might be my red eyes and shallow breath, or the tear that’s nested at the edge of my eye, threatening to fall.
And though that tear will make good on its promise, I’m sure, before I finish this page, I am not sad in the least.
Just reflective.
Perhaps it’s being thousands of feet in the air, miles melting between us by the second. Or maybe it’s because I’m about to turn a decisive page in our family history. Could be because in another couple of hours I’m going to shake the hand of a man who has become impossibly important to all our lives, and yet whom I’ve not actually met until today.
I’ve taken the long way around my thoughts today. I suppose it’s because for the first time in I don’t know how long, I’m writing without hurry. I look outside the tiny window and see nothing but sky. I close my eyes and see nothing but the wide expanse of pregnant promise.
Despite my meandering thoughts, I’ve not forgotten my point.
I want need to make a promise.
I know these last two weeks have swallowed me and that it’s probably scary for you.
I know I promised I was only working so hard so that I wouldn’t always have to, and that in the last several days I’ve returned to some of my old, worst habits.
I know that we grow older each day, that there are no do-overs and that I owe all three of you the best possible life.
I’ve not forgotten a thing.
I promise that you will always come first and that if this change isn’t right for us, then it will not be right for me.
Years will pass and I will remember the chaos of the past two weeks, but the specifics will fade to haze.
But Max, I will ALWAYS remember out picnic adventure, “boys time” last Saturday and the way you made the most of every second we had together. I wish I could have been less distracted. You certainly deserve it. I promise I’m not oblivious. I misted you too.
Mia, I will always remember you coming home with Pepper, and a smile as wide as a sunset at sea. I know that your ”not wanting to talk about it“ was your way of silently saying, ”I really wish you wouldn’t leave, Daddy.“ You are my first born and my life has been richer every day and in every way for having you in it.
Cindy, I will always remember how you squeezed my hand tighter, thought harder and said more with your eyes than I can sometimes manage with a pen full of ink.
Thank you for trusting me through this transition. I promise my aim is true and we will hit our mark.
Mia, I’m sure you are reading. Would you please do me a favor and read this to your brother?
Max, tuck in the lip buddy, I’ll be home soon.
Cindy, thank you for everything. We are but two books in a single volume.
I love you all.
Sean Platt is an author of books about life and professional ghostwriter.
About Sean Platt
Damn, Sean! I sit here in my office with my coworker on my left and have tears rolling down my cheeks. She has just flashed a strange glance at me. It'll all go well for you and your family. I know there are so many out there sitting here like me, reading your post and struggling to prevent a tsunami. I know so many of us have gone or are still going through the same stuff. Did you read Seth Godin's post today? It's about sprezzatura. Well, you and Cindy have it.
Man.. I could write an entire response to this, but I'll keep it short and sweet.
That was beautiful, and you're the man. Mad respect.
-Bud
I'm wishing you EVERY success because you and your family deserve it. I, too, know the stresses of giving up the steady income for the unknown. Trust me, it's so worth the tight budget because it does happy, albeit slowly. I'm happier because I made the decision 2 years ago to do exactly what I wanted…and now, it has all come together.
I appreciate you and your thoughtful writing every day—and your family…they are your “rocks”.
All the best as you continue to be a great inspiration to many.
Hi Seany….I know how hard this year has been for you and how hard you have worked. When you said that you were closing the preschool to be a full time writer was no different for me than when you announced you were dropping out of high school because they were wasting your time. You've always be a smart cookie and a true scrapper and when you want that apple on the highest branch i've never had any doubt that you would put on your spring shoes and get it! I wish you the best of luck at your meeting. I know you and Dave will have a blast getting to meet face to face. Be safe, stay well, see you at Grammy nite? love you, mom
Thanks for a beautiful post to start my day. Amazing.
Oh, Sean. You are a beautiful person. Your family is lucky to have you (I think they know that).
Your cup has runneth over…. and it should, dammit. You've poured enough of yourself into it. Sean you've inspired me to keep going. Thank you!
That keyboard was put through hell. But someone's got to pay the price for killer prose, right?
This is a stunning display of love and honour and trust and faith. Thank you and please thank your family for sharing you.
I've not read Seth's post, or anything today. Busy, busy, BUSY. But thank you so much. I appreciate your words and promise to read it as soon as I'm able.
Came back because I had one more thought: providing for your family and building your financial future is not something you should feel guilty about – even if it takes you away from them for a while.
Hi Sean .. your family will be proud, you will be proud, we'll be here supporting and routing for you – all the very best .. what a wonderful tribute from a great Dad with a great family .. I'm sure there's loadsa love enveloping the four of you – however far away you are .. and your Mum and other family members .. bon chance – lots of thoughts .. and a hug or two for you all .. Hilary
Thanks man, I really appreciate it.
Mad respect back, yo. :)
Thank you so much for the compliments. They mean a lot. In fact, before the money came, they were what kept us all going. :)
Thanks Ma, I'm not sure about Grammy Night as I might be a straight up zombie by then.
Thanks for always encouraging me to be a smart cookie. That's an incredible gift for a parent to give and it took me a long way.
My pleasure, Green Jello. Wonderful to see you. :)
Thanks, Vered. You are a sweet soul as well. :)
My pleasure, Davina. I'm glad I could help in any way!
Definitely. I've already started to murder the second one.
I will do that, you have my word. :)
And thank you.
I don't feel guilty about being away, really, it's more the risk I'm taking in possibly redirecting my course. Though, after a day here, I'm feeling that it's absolutely the right thing. Thanks, Vered.
Thank you so much Hilary! I really, really appreciate it.
Hi Sean,
I enjoyed this and can relate in many ways. Hopefully you won't become addicted to the FACT that flights are magical writing times. You are doing something amazing for your kids, and that is…… TAKING A RISK. They are watching everything and learning like a duckling mirroring the mother duck. You are enabling their lives to be great ones. They are learning about pursuing dreams and about dedication at the same time.
My wife returned to college at age 42 ( I'm taking a largish liberty here revealing the number) in order to complete her bachelor's degree never finished as a child (read what you will here). Our children were 15, 9, and 7 at the time she started back. She put her nose in the books and to the grindstone, completed two and a half years work, while receiving a 4.0 GPA, mucho experience in research by assisting in different professor's projects, and requests to continue to PHD. Her graduation ceremony was a top 5 life experience for moi. Our family rallied together to make the necessary changes to accomodate the work schedule as it sounds like your's does. Our kids were participants in the most important lesson they could have ever received: never stop dreaming, when you go for it, go for it!, and GOD did they learn well.
You are obviously an awesome dad and I know from reading their is no chance that you will mess that up…..but I do hope for you that the mountaintop stays beautiful and somewhat distant, because the sweeping plain will provide nourishment, plenty of nourishment, and the journey together means more than the summit. Vaya con dios and enjoy the ride.
Best regards, sincerely, Greg H
plip plop… the tears drop, but never the ball that is called ” our family”… the minutes cannot pass fast enough. Misted.
I LOVE you. I'm back in the sky and will be home soon.
xoxo
Hi Greg,
Thanks for the comment!
Your wife is a truly wonderful and amazing person. And the bond between the two of you is obviously, and quite wonderfully strong.
You and your beautiful family are tremendously fortunate. :)
As an actor and musician, husband and father of 2 great boys I understand struggling to keep the dream alive. I also understand having people who support you even when you might secretly doubt yourself. They are the light that helps keep us on the path.
Success
Thanks man, I appreciate it muchly.
I'm glad to be on the path I'm on, and grateful that it's all been worth it. :)
Dude, you made me tear up first thing in the morning. Not cool.
:)
Sorry Shannon. You were supposed to read that after dinner. :)
You are incredible Sean! Wishing you and your family the best! You deserve it!
Thanks Laurie!
Much appreciated and great to see you.
Hi Sean,
You are a rare and wonderful person, writer, father, husband, and teacher. Thank you motivating us all by being bold and pushing the edges.
My pleasure, Lori.
I'm home now. The trip went well and I'm eager to write about it. Just not sure when I'm ever going to find the time again! :)
Success Sean, its yours. Clearly I was behind the eight ball, what a meeting of the titans this week must have been.
Take charge.
Trina
It was awesome. I'm home now and just contemplating where the wind of life is gonna blow these sails next. I've got lots of organizing to do!
Thanks as always Trina! :)
That was amazing. I wish you all the luck in the world.
Thank you so much, Ben. I really appreciate it!
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