“A father carries pictures where his money used to be.”
~Author Unknown
Becoming a dad was the best thing that ever happened to me. Once I got over the complete loss of privacy, the inability to capture a clear thought, and swallowed the fear of the thirty-eight bajillion ways I could potentially mar the mental fabric of my children’s minds forever, I was ready to dive head-first into being a dad.
Every father has fears, some well earned, like wondering if you will be any good at this parenting thing. And others, a bit less likely, what if f I sit my baby down next to another one and then walk away with the wrong kid because all babies look the same?
I am hardly qualified to write a treatise on great parenting. My oldest child is starting second grade and my youngest is about to enter kindergarten. By no means am I attempting to hand down tablets from above filled with universal commandments. The following list is rather a list of suggestions I would have most liked to have been given prior to becoming a father.
10 Ways to be a Great Dad
1) Patience is everything. Practiced composure is like that single drop of super serum that turns that skinny kid into Captain America. It’s easy to lose our patience, and infinitely more difficult to reign it in and redirect it toward a more positive route. Yet allowing our children to see us overly frustrated is never a best case scenario. Go for a walk, take a deep breath, count to ten… or 100. But practice patience from the beginning and you will likely find you have raised a patient child.
2) Read to your child as often as you can. You are reading this right now. You have every tool you need to help your children grow up smart. Endowing children with powerful vocabulary at the earliest possible time is critical to their cognitive development. Start when they are babies, and don’t stop just because they are suddenly able to read the words themselves. Reading with your child is not only a wonderful time for mutual bonding, it also helps to establish a habit that your children can carry forever.
3) Treasure your time with your little ones. The years will turn to vapor soon enough. I am right now having difficulty believing that both my children will be in school full-time, in just a few scant days. Though part of me is, of course, eager for the time I need to blaze through my work load without interruption, there is also a part of me mourning for those minutes I will never hold again. Make the most of your time, no one will give you any more. You’ve probably watched the clock enough at work, don’t do it at home.
4) Treat mom with respect. This one is so big I considered writing it in all caps, but I didn’t want to be annoying. Seriously, don’t drop the ball here. If you show disrespect to your lady, you are crushing a part of your child’s soul and damaging a bit of their future. It doesn’t matter who you are or where you come from, respect is always free. Abuse doesn’t have to be physical and often isn’t. Remember, children learn by example and you are their constant model. Show your son how to properly treat a woman and show your daughter what to look for in a man. Do your small part to make the entire world a slightly better place.
5) Model appropriate behavior. Similar to #4, but different enough to warrant its own entry. Don’t do things in front of your child that you wouldn’t want them to do, at least not in excess. I’m not saying you shouldn’t drink or smoke, but I am saying if you do either one excessively, the behavior will become branded in your child’s eyes. The same goes for all poor manners and negative attitudes; sloth, greed, laziness, anger, and the like. Be yourself, but be your best version as long as your children are watching.
6) Teach independence. Children are often far more capable than what many adults allow themselves to believe. The earlier you start inoculating your child with independence, the more they will be able to help you and themselves to become more capable, well-rounded people. Yes, it can feel frustrating to take the time to teach a two year old to do something that you could do in a fraction of the time, but soon she will be three and have a strong skill set you can easily build upon. You can raise a child with a “Yes I can!” attitude, if you start with “yes you can” first.
7) Let your child’s individuality glimmer. Each of us are unique, yet it is all too easy to project ourselves and our desires onto our children. This rarely does them or us any good. It’s okay to guide them in the right direction, but we should never try to mold our children into what we want at the expense of allowing their true selves to flourish. The best you can do as a parent is to instill your child with the best values you can until those valued are internalized, then stand back and wait for the tree to bear fruit. You want your child to be their best, but sometimes they have to find it themselves.
8) Stand united. Never allow your child to think they can come between you and mom. Unless there is blood or vomit involved, it is probably best to agree in front of the extra set of tiny eyes, and then settle your differences in private. Mom and Dad must always be a team and stand together with every decision. If you want your child to know they can’t penetrate the perimeter of your unity, you have to prove it. And on that note, it’s okay to say NO and mean it when you do. Don’t surrender to their whining or you are only teaching them that it is an effective means of getting their way.
9) Be human. Yes, almost all of us are required to work and no, we can’t always be attendant to our child’s every need. But we can do our best with the time we have, and never make our children feel as though they are a burden to our schedules. Make sure to set aside sacred time each day exclusively for them, and don’t allow anything frivolous to breach the significance of that time. From the lingering minutes when you exchange anecdotes about your days to the memory card moments filled with games and recitals, your focused attention is something they’ll never forget.
10) Be real. You don’t have to be John Wayne. Let your children see all sides of you. Be funny, strict, tender; affectionate, serious and vulnerable. Humans are complicated creatures. By allowing your children to see all sides of you, you will be helping them to understand themselves infinitely more.
No list of ten tips will make you a better anything, not without application placed behind the copy. Do your best every day and if you fumble, do your best to start over tomorrow. The best tip, however, isn’t on the list above. Use common sense and know that your children are watching everything you do. Though you might not realize it, you are the world to them. Do all that you can to make that world a pleasant place to live.
Writer Dad
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