Behind Their Eyes

Written by Writer Dad on October 2, 2008 - View Comments
Categories: Fatherhood

If you’re interested in yesterday’s conversation, it’s still going strong.  I’ve gathered your best questions, and thrown them down, but I’ve no Idea if Benji’s bound to bounce them.

“Childhood is measured out by sounds and smells and sights, before the dark hour of reason grows.”  

~John Betjeman, Summoned by Bells

I don’t think there’s a sum I wouldn’t part with for the chance to live inside my children’s heads, either one, and even if only for half an hour. 

I’m totally serious. 

I’d drive to the bank, stack my collateral, beg for a loan, then walk home and figure out the best way to take care of the interest before it buried me to bones. 

Whatever I saw from behind those eyes, I’m sure, would be exponentially worth it. 

I can only ponder how my children view a world unfolding three feet from the ground.  By the time they’re old enough to really break it down for me, they’ll no longer be focusing behind the same lens. 

I helped make them, I certainly know them, and I believe I’ve a pretty good idea about how they string their thoughts together.  But it’s been a long time since I was as little as they are now, and I’ve long since forgotten what it’s like to peer at the world in front of me, without so much as a single breath of cynicism. 

I cannot imagine feeling, at my age, anything so innocent. 

When they’re grown, I hope I haven’t lost the wonder of musing the machinations of their minds.  I hope, when my children are my age now, and Daisy and I are cradling our grandchildren between us for a long, anticipated weekend, that I’m still wondering.  

Of course, I won’t be able to see any more clearly into the mind’s of those still too small to speak, or too tiny to know the minutia of poverty, crime, and deceit. 

I will not be able to see through the eyes of my grandchildren, so I’ll turn my eyes to Mia and Max, and see the world as they do.  It will be easier by then.  Our long histories will have woven together with the unrelenting fabric of shared experience.  Their first world view, born beneath the shade of Daisy and myself. 

So when I’m wishing I could see the world as my grandchildren do, but peering from the perspective of my own brood, it will be the perfect time to ask myself…

Do I like what I see? 

Writer Dad

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  • Hey, thanks Blogger Dad and Writer Dad :-)

    Marelisas last blog post..Four Outstanding Thoughts on Innovation
  • Writer Dad
    Urban Vox: It's our jobs, and we should never consider it cool to drop the ball.

    Rita: In a few ways, Rita, yes you are.

    Lance: I've determined that I need to do a better job of capturing them on video. We have a camera, just never ever use it. I know if I don't start, it will be something I regret.

    Steph: Daisy and I talk about it all the time. It's kind of fun to make up stories about what we think they'll be like as grown-ups. There's some things about them, that have just never changed since they were babies. It's easy to see them as adult qualities.

    Matthew: You're a drifter, huh Matthew?

    Glee Girl: Of course you would have a comment that delightful. Your name is Glee Girl. Nice to hear from you GG.

    J.D.: Able curiosity... well said.
  • Sal
    @Rita: So...I have a lunchbox...beat that! And now it is my turn to run after you!

    Sals last blog post..A Man's Gotta Do...Part III
  • tim
    UrbanVox: It's funny you should bring that Bible verse up! These days "professionals" would have us to believe we SHOULDN'T try to influence them to think the way we do. The child should be free to develope into the person he/she will be and not be influenced by silly things like "the way he/she should go." I think without guidence in the formable years, our kids won't know or understand our love for them. True, the way we think isn't always perfect so we should use Scripture as a guidebook!

    Glee Girl: I like your statement about noticing life's small pleasures! I was just pondering the difference of when I notice something like a tree now and back when I was young. Now I stop and look at a tree and admire the strength and beauty of God's creation and wonder things like "I wonder what was going on in the world when this tree was young." When I was young, I always saw the opportunities the tree could afford, like, "Is the tree good for climbing and how and when can I try?" and "This tree will work fine as a catcher for our baseball game!" Much of my younger years were made up of climbing and sometimes falling from trees and backyard baseball. Now I find myself pondering the last time I took the time to climb a tree or hit a ball around. I miss those days!

    tims last blog post..Who Are My Pets?
  • You reminded me how important that spark of possibility is, along with able curiosity.

    J.D. Meiers last blog post..Strengths and Weaknesses vs. Personality Profiles
  • I agree child-like wonder can be recaptured and I think I'm managing to do it by focusing on life's small pleasures (Ooh, fluffy clouds! Look, a daisy patch! Dogs playing! Ladybird cupcakes! I love that tree!). Taking the time to notice and appreciate all the little things around me gets me out of my own head and really seeing the world and finding even more to love. Since I started doing this, I feel as if I've really opened my eyes and I'm the happiest I've been for many years.

    I like the quote you started off with there - I was just thinking this morning how I feel a bit like I'm a born again 4 year old, so that quote drew me in.
  • I think my wife wants to know what's going in my head everyday. Probably every moment she's speaking to me and I suddenly go off into the distance (thinking about what's she's saying).

    Matthew Drydens last blog post..7 Ways I Masturbate With Google Analytics
  • WD: On your comment to me waaay up above: Yes. I couldn't agree more. I mean, we still have our limits (can't be around each other for too many days at a time!) but in general, it's pretty cool to hang out and all be grown-ups. My parents were super strict when I was growing up, but unlike many parents of people my age, they knew when to let go and treat us as equals. I appreciate that more than anything.

    stephs last blog post..On How to Let Go
  • The innocence of children. It is refreshing. As I watch my own children grow, I am seeing it disappear. Just a couple of weeks ago we watched some videos we had of our kids when they were younger. And I could just feel that innocence, and sense of wonder - while I watched them playing together. To see through the eyes of a child...

    Lances last blog post..A Helping Hand
  • WD,
    Yippee! So I'm like Daisy! (Take THAT Sal!)
    :-)
    Rita

    Ritas last blog post..The TERRIBLE PARENTING Song We Love to Hear
  • I don't wanna sound religious or anything (hell... religiosity is the thing I hate the most in this world) but the Bible as a GREAT example on that:

    Teach the kiddo's the way they should walk and when they grow they will not turn away from it...

    never to young to start... and let's put it like that... if we (parents) don;t teach some basics to our kids then who will???
  • Writer Dad
    Tim: It is appalling how some people communicate with their children. I'm with you; shudders all over.

    Blogger Dad: Sometimes, my favorite posts are the ones that have things which make me hedge before I push publish. They're closer to my heart, and people can feel it. I can't wait to read what's close to yours.

    Marelisa: I'm with Blogger Dad; I think your last line's amazing.

    Tim: They're answers are usually funny, surprising, or enlightening. Rarely, bland.

    Rita: Daisy would, and does, say the same thing. In fact, she said it last night when I read her this post.

    CK Lunchbox: My pleasure, Ron. Thanks for that Adult Swim sketch yesterday. It was so funny. I played it for my wife later on. She laughed even harder than I did.
  • trying to see the world through my boys eyes has helped me to connect. trying to look through my stepdaughter's eyes I wonder how they see me and I am to them. Thanks for making me slow down today and reflect a little.

    CK Lunchboxs last blog post..Subprime Crisis: An Interactive Experience With Stick Figures
  • Oh boy! I have written this post in my head THOUSANDS of times...but not about my children, about my husband! :-) I would pay a FORTUNE to spend a day thinking the way he thinks, doing the things he does...I guess my children are certainly old enough to articulate their feelings - and they're girls. But my husband? After 23 loving years - a total mystery!
    (And I demand I recount on comments! I was out for 5 days - not fair! Watch out, Sal - I'm coming after YOU !)
    :-)
    Rita

    Ritas last blog post..The TERRIBLE PARENTING Song We Love to Hear
  • Marelisa - Your line, "I think the mind of the little one is probably filled with pink unicorns, giant lollipops, and streams of kool aid" is awesome!
  • tim
    In my experience with children, I always enjoy asking and answering questions with them just to get a small glimpse of how they think!

    tims last blog post..Who Are My Pets?
  • Sometimes I watch my three year old and my one year old nephews and wonder what they're thinking. The older one is very serious and seems to worry a lot, and his topics of conversation are wise beyond his years. The little one is always smiling and walking up to strangers as if everyone loves him and is happy to see him. I think the mind of the little one is probably filled with pink unicorns, giant lollipops, and streams of kool aid.

    Marelisas last blog post..Four Outstanding Thoughts on Innovation
  • Wow, I was having just this conversation with my wife the other night! I indeed wonder what my son thinks when he's interacting with the world, how he thinks of his mom and dad, what is making him laugh when he goes off on one of his laughing jags? I often find myself staring at him and wondering what thoughts are racing around his head.

    Something happened a few weeks ago which I wasn't sure if I was going to blog about. It speaks to this, but also to my fears. It seems a bit too personal to put out there, but you inspired me to do just that. So, I hope you don't mind if I take your theme and run with it a bit. Damn you for writing this first! :) But I guess if you hadn't, I probably would have kept it to myself.

    Thank you for another thought provoking post.

    Blogger Dads last blog post..Eight Questions - Interview with Barbara Swafford of Blogging Without a Blog
  • tim
    Interesting thought! Knowing the power the parent holds at that stage in life to form the child's mind is humbling! I shudder when I hear how some parents speak to and treat their children! They are a precious gift a responsibility from the Lord!

    tims last blog post..Who Are My Pets?
  • Writer Dad
    Emily: Ditto for me. My children make me reinterpret my past.

    Kyddryn: "Kids can be brilliant reminders of the potential in everything, especially when adults have become jaded, faded, and worn with time and worry." Love it.

    Vered: There's no doubt about it.

    Dot: No forgiveness needed. Comments are a gift. I never look them in the mouth.

    Ilinap: Those glimpses make my heart beat faster.
  • Lovely. Simply lovely. I feel so fortunate time to time when I catch a serendipitous glimpse into the world through my children's senses.
  • Dot
    Forgive me if I don't comment on this and other posts on your site about your children. Sometimes I can relate, but in this case, having no children, grandchildren, nieces or nephews, I can only imagine.
  • One of the greatest joys of parenting is seeing the world through a child's eye.
  • I remember far back into my early years; the Evil Genius reminds me of those days, and I thoroughly enjoy being in the moment with him while he discovers some new facet of life .

    Sometimes, though, while I feel I can share the spirit of his unbroken vision, I wish I could know what he thinks, how he processes what he sees, hears, feels, and learns.

    Kids can be brilliant reminders of the potential in everything, especially when adults have become jaded, faded, and worn with time and worry.

    Shade and Sweetwater,
    K (who still naps with enthusiasm - does that count?)

    Kyddryns last blog post..The Path - Our Walk Is Done
  • Becoming a parent changed how I viewed my own childhood. It went from resentment to understanding in the single moment I first laid eyes on my first child.

    Being drawn back into childhood now through my kids makes me feel such a profound sense of gratitude. Living the same moments only through eyes of experience. I feel like I can let go of so much that tainted my years before kids and just enjoy life all over again.

    I can only imagine what it will be like to see my own kids have kids and how things change then again.

    Emilys last blog post..DIY Projects to Save Money at Home
  • Writer Dad
    Ryan: Sorry I missed you. We submitted in unison. We're never just like our parents, but we always take some of what they give us. Just make sure you're giving them your favorite stuff.

    Sal: Welcome back! (You just received a rare WD exclamation point.) I fully agree. I understand my children's world because I am down on the floor with them. Often, parents are afraid to play WITH their children. Don't watch them play, join them. It's amazing, and if you don't, you'll likely wish you had.

    Tammy: Fourteen. Wow Tammy, I can only imagine. If I added my kids together, I'd still be four years shy. Listening to their stories, and understanding their world, is what strengthens our bond above all else.

    Steph: I often imagine what it will be like for the four of us to sit around our dinner table in the decades to come, sipping wine and passing grown up conversation. The more work we put into today, the better tomorrow will be.

    Janine: I wish I had home movies. I don't. Not a single one. Observing our children, and interacting with them, does a good deal to keep us young.

    SpaceAgeSage: They're never lost, but we can never return to their purity. What we have as adults is a wonderful shadow, but we can never unlearn the things we know, or fully forget the things we've seen. Thank you Sage, for your eternally wonderful comments.

    Orlund: Well articulated, and not yet said. Great job.

    Wendi: I know exactly what you mean, and I can't wait to read your post.

    Betsy: I love both names, use which ever makes you smile wider. My children, now, are six and four. I do not want the calendar to turn. These days are magic, and every cell in my body knows it. Yes, I feel like a child. My children draw me to their world in the most wonderful way.

    Beth: It is like being a child, and it is fun.
  • I agree with Space Age Sage. I try to cultivate seeing the world in a wide-eyed way. Whether that's like being a child I have no idea, but it sure is fun.
  • Sean, is it okay to call you Sean? I think of you as WD - This was a lovely post. When Geoffrey and Robin were six and four, I so fervently wished for Peter Pan to take and keep them, just right there. In the magic. I lived inside their heads and with them in that six and four world. And then...they left me behind. Hahahaha, well no, not exactly, but as my friend Judy says, "When they're fourteen, aliens come and take their brains. If you're lucky they bring them back when they're 30."

    Seriously, don't you still feel a child? I look out on the world from inside behind my eyes and I'm coming at things from me, who is that child. That's why it's horrifying to look in the mirror or at photos. Who's that old person?

    Must.click.Matthew's.masturbation.post.now. Gosh, yesterday, Barbara talked about farting, and Cath suggested it was possible to turn urine into Bollinger and now this. Perhaps the surly bonds of my earth need slipping here.

    Betsy Wuebkers last blog post..WHY MAKE IT ROUGH?
  • Oh.......you just brought back a memory.
    to long for a comment so I'll go write a post. But I will say this...there is that moment that every parent knows when that look of innocence in their children's eyes is replaced by the first glimmer of knowing that the world isn't all it's cracked up to be. It can break your heart. Then the yearning starts in full...to make the world a place where you never have to see THAT look again.

    Wendi Kelly-Life's Little Inspirationss last blog post..Tealights and Time
  • It is amazing how we forget the thoughts we had as a child then dream of having those thoughts again and how a child tries to learn and mature those thoughts to have an adults thoughts.

    Why do we always want what we don't have?

    orlunds last blog post..I made it to Alltop!
  • Sal
    @SpaceAgeSage: I completely agree with you on this. I don't think it is ever lost either. I just think that as adults, we tend to misplace it. Very similar to car keys in the morning when you are in a rush (either that or the kids took them off to play and never returned them to their proper place).

    I know that when my daughter and I play, I am suddenly wisked away into her world. Completely in the moment, we can have tea parties with bears and Tigger and Pooh, laugh at the Silly Songs of LarryBoy, and go camping between two chairs with only a flashlight and a blanket drapped over the top.

    I wish I was camping right now instead of at work. I think I need to call and make sure the "tent" is set up when I get home.

    Sals last blog post..A Man's Gotta Do...Part II
  • I don't think child-like wonder or childhood thinking processes are lost. I think they can be reclaimed. My husband never lost his ability to see the world in non-linear, child-like ways. It's a matter of tapping into intuition, being centered, and knowing how to let go of all fear so that a sense of innocence floats back into place -- the kind of innocence where you believe all things will work out, where evil can be transformed into good, and where you know your life is protected, safe, and secure ( by being fully in the hands of God.) I'm not there yet, but I fully expect to be! I have seen this adult innocence on the face of long-time spiritual practitioners like monks; in the eyes of an older woman who was magically, wonderfully, and truly loved; and in my mom's face right after her stroke when her right brain was more in control.

    SpaceAgeSages last blog post..Fall’s memories, melancholy, and magic
  • When I miss being a child and I'm feeling nostalgic, I'll pull out the home videos from when I was a kid.

    There's one where it's my first dance recital and I'm being a total ham for the camera. I'm staring up at the ceiling, twirling around in circles, hopping around like a bunny, blowing kisses to the camera. I watch her and I think - she doesn't care about the world around her. She's in her own world.

    I laugh at myself. And I realize I haven't lost that girl entirely...she's still in me and very much a part of me. I carry a little bit of her innocence with me everywhere.

    We'll never be children again, and even though my parents always said - enjoy yourself while you're young, because when you get older, everything changes - I don't think everything changes. Only if we let it. I think everyone should try to keep a bit of 'kid' in them. It keeps us young at heart.

    Janine Duffs last blog post..Goal Setting.
  • "When they’re grown, I hope I haven’t lost the wonder of musing the machinations of their minds. "

    My mom says that now we four girls are all grown up, we're even more interesting and intriguing!

    stephs last blog post..Win Free Manuscript or Query Letter Critique Offered by Agent and Acq. Editor
  • I, as of yesterday, approached the big 14 with my oldest son. I am trying to view things from his "point of view". It is a hard one. My purpose in my blog is to journal this process. It all began for the very reason in which you posted. I wanted to capture what I see through my eyes of raising children and then I print into a book and pass it along to them to read and view as they (hopefully) raise their own family. The scenes our lives are of a constant change.

    We can only hope we raise our children to see as we see. That is if we are the parents we should be. What joy to see our own children being good parents.

    I love looking (trying to look) at things the way my children see them. I do take time to see the worm crawling across the sidewalk. I listen to their stories and try to take myself into what they are saying. I think it does keep us young at heart. Something I always wanted to do was be able to fly as a child. Not in an airplane, but my own wings. It is funny as we age this really does happen. We do get wings and they are great.

    Tammy Warrens last blog post..My "wound" heart
  • Sal
    Hello there. Long time no see. And it is great to be back with this post.

    I often wonder the same thing about my children. I often try to figure this out by playing a game of 20 questions with my oldest girl, of which, I often lose. My wife and I had this discussion a while back when we were going through some financial struggles. Every time we go out in public with our children, we are stopped numerous times and complimented on how beautiful the kids are and how happy they are.

    This led us to the conclusion that even when we were struggling and having a hard time, the kids knew that mommy and daddy were there for them. They were loved no matter what. And that is all that mattered to them. They were some of the happiest kids during some of our hardest times.

    What I wouldn't give to be able to view the world through their eyes. I know that somewhere in there I still have that understanding. Of what it meant to have no responsibilities. That is the key with our children. Them having no responsibilities and no worries or concerns means that we are doing our job as parents to make sure that they have what they need and they have all of our love and attention.

    I think that by watching our kids, we do gain an insight into their world. What do you think?

    Sals last blog post..2 Week Break
  • Writer Dad
    Matthew: That is a beautiful stage; each day his mouth making further magic. Enjoy.

    Shamelle: That's a very kind thing to say. Yes, the four of us are tighter than rope.

    Daniel Allen: Our point of view changes from day to day even as adults, but their is nothing like the filter of childhood.

    Barbara: It is the ultimate responsibility. If even a small percentage improved in the task, the world would grow by an exponent.

    Tara: I think about this all the time. When will we get the slamming doors and the "YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ME!" I hope I'm not too naive to think we can circumnavigate a lot of this. I wonder if the disconnect of adolescence is rooted in the disconnect from earlier childhood.

    Dave: A few years back, I remembered little of my childhood. Every day I'm with my children, I remember more. Now I write some of those things down. It would be a shame to forget them twice.

    Jamie: Beautiful, Jamie. That's exactly how you parent. Get on their level and play with them. You can't always be their friend, but you sure can some of the time, and a lot more often than most parents would ever dare to consider. Children are not our accessories, they are our tiny, silent partners for two decades of our life.
  • Now you've hit upon one of my greatest fears: that my children will turn out just like me.
  • @ Matthew I about spit coffee on my screen when I read the title of your last post! You're a nut! ;D

    I miss being a child. I think that's why I love being a parent. I have an excuse to regress, to pretend again. I've been known to send out emails (not to clients) in Pirate-eese because the boys and I have been priates for 3 days straight. ;D

    Becoming a child again requires shutting off your brain that worries about housework, money, and sex. Instead, replace those things with games, giggles, and imagination.

    Go outside right now. Tilt your head up to the sky and spin in circles until you fall over dizzy. (Do it with your kids and its even better.) Believe with your whole heart that you can do anything, even fly, just for a second. Dig a hole to China and collect the worms. Say the heck with your schedule and play for an hour, it won't kill you, I promise. I do it all the time.

    Thanks Writer Dad for blogging about the 'important' stuff in life. ;)

    Jamie Simmermans last blog post..Pick Another Pen Men Brain: Charlie Pabst
  • I miss feeling the way I did as a child, and as time marches on I forget exactly what that was like. A great notion Writer Dad. I'll be thinking more about this as the day goes on.

    Dave Fowlers last blog post..Back Crack and Sacre Bleu
  • @Daniel: What I mean to say is that he's more attached to my wife as she's with him almost 24/7...but when I say something to him, maybe 3 or so words, it speaks worlds to him. It still amazes me to this day.

    Matthew Drydens last blog post..7 Ways I Masturbate With Google Analytics
  • I love my children's innocence and total wonder at the world.
    "Wow look at those clouds!" "Slugs are amazing aren't they mummy!"
    I try really hard to remember what it was like being a child when I'm dealing with them or repremanding them for something. Sure she's climbing up the curtains but imagine how cool that was when you were three. You can't tell them off, just point out why that's not such a good idea!
    I remember being about 14 and thinking my parents had no idea whatsoever about what I was going through and I know it's bound to happen in some form with my own two, but I'd like to try and minimise it if possible!

    Taras last blog post..Wordless Wednesday: Scrumping
  • Hi Writer Dad - What a thought provoking post. The innocence of a child is absolutely amazing. It's when they are exposed to biased thoughts and/or actions they start to develop opinions and assess what's good or bad. In some ways it's scary when we think how a parent (or others) can shape a child's thought process and affect their lives forever.

    Barbara Swaffords last blog post..Biggest Misconceptions About Blogging
  • Being a child myself, I find this a very intresting topic to cover on your blog. Once you get older, everything becomes more realistic. Your point of view will always change, whether it being something tangible or not.

    @ Matthew: Parents always have a way of communicating with their children better than the rest of the world. I would put this to the fact that they have watched them grow. It makes a difference you know!

    Daniel Allen / The Efficiancy Proposals last blog post..Get On The Right Path To Stopping An Addiction
  • I suppose the child we once were lives on inside us, influencing every thought, every emotion, every move even though we don't realize it.

    Like you say, it is would be a great experience to "think what they might be thinking". Reading through your posts I get a glimpse of your personality and if its anything in "real" life I am sure your kids love what they see.

    Shamelle

    Shamelle - TheEnhanceLifes last blog post..Over Spending & Impulse Buying: 8 Reasons Why You’re Not To Blame
  • My wife says I have a knack for communicating with my son. I like being able to say only a few key words and have him look at my blankly for a moment, trying to piece what I said together. He's at that stage where he's starting to form his own sentences and thoughts and opinions.

    It's strange for me to listen to others claim to know his personality...but now I can kind of see it myself. I don't know if I'd be able to ask that question because I'm mostly certain I wouldn't like what I see now...maybe in a few years I'll do him (and myself) proud.

    Matthew Drydens last blog post..7 Ways I Masturbate With Google Analytics
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