“Empty pockets never held anyone back. Only empty heads and empty hearts can do that.”
~Norman Vincent Peale
I first heard about Blog Action Day my first week blogging. I think it’s a tremendous idea; people across the world, hundreds of tongues, all wagging on the same subject. I promised myself that when the day came, I’d dip my quill in ink.
Today is that day.
I cannot speak with authority about the two billion (plus) people who live in this world, surviving on less than two dollars a day. Theirs is a poverty for which I have no authentic frame of reference. Only movies, television, and other frivolities of our industrialized world have illuminated such misfortune to my eyes.
I cannot speak with authority about the characters in my country or the souls in my state who, through no fault of their own and every effort to evolve, have found themselves destitute. They have countless stories to tell, and could tell them far better than I.
In the year 2008, there is no shortage of poverty in this country. We have poverty of our minds, poverty in our government, and poverty in the methods in which we teach tomorrow’s leaders. This is too much for me to tackle now; I’d like to start with something smaller.
Today, I will discuss the poverty I know, the kind which litters the few square miles where I grew up for the first fourteen years of my life; the same square on the map where I’ve returned to live for the last seven.
When I was small, during that window when my memory is more like fuzzy analog television than HDTV, our family didn’t have much. My parents worked daily to build their small business, and every dollar mattered. Our clothes were second hand, coupons clipped for every purchase.
Before they started their business, both Mom and Pop had lost their jobs. My half sisters were living with us, we had no money coming in, and desperately needed assistance. My mom, against my father’s formidable protest, applied for welfare.
I understand my pop’s position. To me, getting a check for work I have not done, yet would be perfectly willing and able to do, would be akin to having the bottom of my foot sliced opened, horse hair sewn inside; every step an excruciating reminder that my life must alter its course.
Unable to pull ahead, and unwilling to stay behind, my parents risked it all in pursuit of a dream. They traded the security of their check for the back breaking eighty hour work weeks intrinsic to building a flower shop on a foundation of nothing. By the time I was an adolescent, the business was a success and we were able to move a few miles east.
When Daisy and I bought our first home, we came here, back to my old neighborhood, on the other side of town.
I do not speak of the hundreds of hard working families who surround us. They who get up early, work all day, and return home to the endless exhaustion of being mindful mothers and fathers.
I speak of those with big screen tv’s, bathing themselves daily in their deity’s bluish glow while waiting for the mail truck to pull curbside with their check.
This is not poverty, it is sloth.
What shatters my heart when I see this, is not that these people live off the sweat of others. That merely raises my ire. What truly kills me is that these people are teaching their children to wander inside an aimless circle rather than soar in a neat line, straight ahead.
There is often something missing in these situations; a single ingredient that could twist the tide in the opposite direction.
Fathers.
Now there is a poverty eating part of our population; they who think it’s acceptable to have a child and then leave it to chance. That is a poverty of the soul, that if enlightened, might extinguish the horrors it’s left behind.
Writer Dad
If you enjoyed these words, please subscribe (for free) by RSS or Email. I Twitter here, and Stumble here. Thanks.
My better half, Namas Daisy, has written a terrific post on poverty as well. You can find it here.
About Sean Platt
Bravo! Terrific post. Not only did I enjoy your personal testimony, but also your conclusions.
Dereck Coatneys last blog post..An Open Letter to the Reddit Community
Bravo! Terrific post. Not only did I enjoy your personal testimony, but also your conclusions.
Dereck Coatneys last blog post..An Open Letter to the Reddit Community
I see a lot of hard-working single moms where I live. And an even larger amount of deadbeat dads. It sickens me. I cannot fathom how it is possible for someone to not support their child the way they are suppose to, the way that they should.
There are so many angry things I could write about this, but I will stop here.
I see a lot of hard-working single moms where I live. And an even larger amount of deadbeat dads. It sickens me. I cannot fathom how it is possible for someone to not support their child the way they are suppose to, the way that they should.
There are so many angry things I could write about this, but I will stop here.
Hi Writer Dad – I love how you started this post with the Norman Vincent Peale quote. It’s so fitting for the beautiful and honest story you wrote.
Barbara Swaffords last blog post..Blogging – Is It A Cure For Insomnia
I disagree with the quote. I also grew up in a not so nice part of town. And I don’t think things are so black or white.
Anyway, writerdad, I think you could be visiting my blog today. I wonder why.
Miguel de Luiss last blog post..Wee review: “Lucas Bright: I Know I’m Special”
I disagree with the quote. I also grew up in a not so nice part of town. And I don’t think things are so black or white.
Anyway, writerdad, I think you could be visiting my blog today. I wonder why.
Miguel de Luiss last blog post..Wee review: “Lucas Bright: I Know I’m Special”
I like that you write about what you know. Nothing beats first hand perspectives.
J.D. Meiers last blog post..How To Overcome Mistrust
I like that you write about what you know. Nothing beats first hand perspectives.
J.D. Meiers last blog post..How To Overcome Mistrust
Thanks for sharing this perspective Sean. You bring up a point I think gets missed by many along the way – the importance of both parents in a family. Mothers are there usually – it’s the fathers who sometimes (too often) jump ship. Only to steer their children (children they don’t even know) into a life less than they should have…and a poverty in more ways than one.
Thanks for spreading the word on poverty, and helping to keep this in the forefront of people’s minds.
Lances last blog post..Life’s A Balancing Act
Thanks for sharing this perspective Sean. You bring up a point I think gets missed by many along the way – the importance of both parents in a family. Mothers are there usually – it’s the fathers who sometimes (too often) jump ship. Only to steer their children (children they don’t even know) into a life less than they should have…and a poverty in more ways than one.
Thanks for spreading the word on poverty, and helping to keep this in the forefront of people’s minds.
Lances last blog post..Life’s A Balancing Act
I appreciate you writing about this particular aspect of ‘poverty’. I think it’s an unpopular perspective because it may seem cold to some. But it is a fact of life that needs to be addressed none the less. Eric.
Eric Hamms last blog post..Blog Action Day 2008: The Many Faces Of Poverty
I appreciate you writing about this particular aspect of ‘poverty’. I think it’s an unpopular perspective because it may seem cold to some. But it is a fact of life that needs to be addressed none the less. Eric.
Eric Hamms last blog post..Blog Action Day 2008: The Many Faces Of Poverty
Fathers need to be in their childrens’ lives.
Kids need their dads.
Single mothers need to realize this and make sure that there is a relationship between their children and their ex. It might be uncomfortable for both parents to have to be in constant contact, but it is worth a little discomfort for the sake of the children.
Fractured families are still FAMILIES and need to act like it.
That’s my 2 cents.
Chase Marchs last blog post..Poverty in Schools
Fathers need to be in their childrens’ lives.
Kids need their dads.
Single mothers need to realize this and make sure that there is a relationship between their children and their ex. It might be uncomfortable for both parents to have to be in constant contact, but it is worth a little discomfort for the sake of the children.
Fractured families are still FAMILIES and need to act like it.
That’s my 2 cents.
Chase Marchs last blog post..Poverty in Schools
Hey Writer Dad,
My father always told me “finish everything on your plate — there are kids in Africa who won’t eat today”. “Then send it to them,” I said once. (Just once…)
I went to Africa and saw first-hand. It is not like the movies, but the movies don’t quite lie either.
We sat on the steps of a café in Dar Es Salaam eating chicken and rice. Huge helpings. Even as backpackers used to eating when we could (because there would be times we couldn’t) we were too full to finish. But on the steps of this café, there were kids quietly, patiently waiting. We saw one person at a table give the rest of his plate to a child on the steps. And another. And then we did the same.
I sent the plate I couldn’t finish to Africa. Somehow one of the happiest and saddest moments in my life.
~Graham
Graham Strongs last blog post..We’re Moving!
Hey Writer Dad,
My father always told me “finish everything on your plate — there are kids in Africa who won’t eat today”. “Then send it to them,” I said once. (Just once…)
I went to Africa and saw first-hand. It is not like the movies, but the movies don’t quite lie either.
We sat on the steps of a café in Dar Es Salaam eating chicken and rice. Huge helpings. Even as backpackers used to eating when we could (because there would be times we couldn’t) we were too full to finish. But on the steps of this café, there were kids quietly, patiently waiting. We saw one person at a table give the rest of his plate to a child on the steps. And another. And then we did the same.
I sent the plate I couldn’t finish to Africa. Somehow one of the happiest and saddest moments in my life.
~Graham
Graham Strongs last blog post..We’re Moving!
Dereck: Thanks. I can only write what I know.
Matthew: Twist your thoughts into a post.
Barbara: Thanks, Barbara. It is a valuable perspective to think that our mind can push us to where we need to be.
Miguel: You are absolutely correct; nothing is so black and white. However, I believe what he is saying is that sometimes circumstances ask us to pull from inside us rather than what’s around us. I know plenty of people who have grown up with plenty of wealth and opportunity only to squander it without appreciation. I’ve also known others who have used their poverty to climb the depths.
I saw your blog last night, and it made me smile from ear to ear. Thanks for the review. It was a lot of fun. I’ll be back over to comment this morning. I was so tired last night, I didn’t feel like my thoughts were clear. I will say that I think you have a very special blog; there’s no one out there (that I’ve seen) that’s like you. I love your personal page, I love your layout, and I adore that you do it in two languages. I can’t even imagine the skill and dedication that must take. You’re special Miguel, and I’m glad you’re a part of what’s happening here. Thanks.
J.D.: I would have felt like a sham writing about things in Africa. I felt like others could do it far better than me.
Lance: I see it everyday. These boys without fathers, the saunter through our streets without any respect, then they do things like slap stickers on stop signs. : > )
Eric: I’m in no way trying to be cold. I’m simply speaking about what happens outside my window.
Chase: No doubt, Chase. We know a couple that’s going through a divorce right now, and the kid is getting dragged through the brambles. No matter who he’s with, he hears unkind things about the other. I can’t even fathom how that decays his outlook.
Graham: It’s going to be difficult to beat this comment today, Graham. That’s an easy story to picture; quite haunting. I almost want to turn it into a short story. Thank you for sharing it.
Dereck: Thanks. I can only write what I know.
Matthew: Twist your thoughts into a post.
Barbara: Thanks, Barbara. It is a valuable perspective to think that our mind can push us to where we need to be.
Miguel: You are absolutely correct; nothing is so black and white. However, I believe what he is saying is that sometimes circumstances ask us to pull from inside us rather than what’s around us. I know plenty of people who have grown up with plenty of wealth and opportunity only to squander it without appreciation. I’ve also known others who have used their poverty to climb the depths.
I saw your blog last night, and it made me smile from ear to ear. Thanks for the review. It was a lot of fun. I’ll be back over to comment this morning. I was so tired last night, I didn’t feel like my thoughts were clear. I will say that I think you have a very special blog; there’s no one out there (that I’ve seen) that’s like you. I love your personal page, I love your layout, and I adore that you do it in two languages. I can’t even imagine the skill and dedication that must take. You’re special Miguel, and I’m glad you’re a part of what’s happening here. Thanks.
J.D.: I would have felt like a sham writing about things in Africa. I felt like others could do it far better than me.
Lance: I see it everyday. These boys without fathers, the saunter through our streets without any respect, then they do things like slap stickers on stop signs. : > )
Eric: I’m in no way trying to be cold. I’m simply speaking about what happens outside my window.
Chase: No doubt, Chase. We know a couple that’s going through a divorce right now, and the kid is getting dragged through the brambles. No matter who he’s with, he hears unkind things about the other. I can’t even fathom how that decays his outlook.
Graham: It’s going to be difficult to beat this comment today, Graham. That’s an easy story to picture; quite haunting. I almost want to turn it into a short story. Thank you for sharing it.
The paucity of spirit – you identified it where it begins. At home. Thank you.
Betsy Wuebkers last blog post..ENERGY
The paucity of spirit – you identified it where it begins. At home. Thank you.
Betsy Wuebkers last blog post..ENERGY
WriterDad
I will answer, but I’m medicating myself against a Vanity Fit :D
Miguel de Luiss last blog post..Generosity is of the brave.
WriterDad
I will answer, but I’m medicating myself against a Vanity Fit :D
Miguel de Luiss last blog post..Generosity is of the brave.
and thanks, oopsies
Miguel de Luiss last blog post..Generosity is of the brave.
and thanks, oopsies
Miguel de Luiss last blog post..Generosity is of the brave.
The story about your parents gives me motivation to try something different or even risky. I’m currently in an unemployment “fling” as I like to call it, and instead of feeling like it limits me, I’m looking at it as an opportunity–a place where my options are more open than they have ever been.
The story about your parents gives me motivation to try something different or even risky. I’m currently in an unemployment “fling” as I like to call it, and instead of feeling like it limits me, I’m looking at it as an opportunity–a place where my options are more open than they have ever been.
The absence of fathers from so many young lives is a real tragedy. This doesn’t apply only to fathers outside the home but those who remain and wall themselves off from their children.
Great post, Sean.
Jamie Grove – How Not To Writes last blog post..The Poverty of Distance
The absence of fathers from so many young lives is a real tragedy. This doesn’t apply only to fathers outside the home but those who remain and wall themselves off from their children.
Great post, Sean.
Jamie Grove – How Not To Writes last blog post..The Poverty of Distance
The absence of fathers is a bit of an epidemic in our society. My father did not marry my mother and I met him for the first time in 2002. I was 34 at the time. It was a tough experience. Fortunately for me, my grandparents and my mom worked hard to carry their own load. It wasn’t easy at times for them. Interestingly, after meeting him, I discovered that I think I was better off not having him in my life while I was growing up. This doesn’t mean that I favor fathers being absent. Each situation is different, but pulling your own load regardless of the circumstances is certainly a sound principle that applies to everyone.
B.Wildes last blog post..Brief Encounters with Miss Addie
The absence of fathers is a bit of an epidemic in our society. My father did not marry my mother and I met him for the first time in 2002. I was 34 at the time. It was a tough experience. Fortunately for me, my grandparents and my mom worked hard to carry their own load. It wasn’t easy at times for them. Interestingly, after meeting him, I discovered that I think I was better off not having him in my life while I was growing up. This doesn’t mean that I favor fathers being absent. Each situation is different, but pulling your own load regardless of the circumstances is certainly a sound principle that applies to everyone.
B.Wildes last blog post..Brief Encounters with Miss Addie
Sean,
You are SO right. My dad left when I was 12 and left a gaping hole that I had to climb a long time to get out of. All of my kids are very lucky to have great relationships with their fathers. It is such a blessing.
Especially girls…need to know they are loved by their fathers, it sets such an important role model.
Wendi Kelly-Life’s Little Inspirationss last blog post..My Dog Missed the Memo
Sean,
You are SO right. My dad left when I was 12 and left a gaping hole that I had to climb a long time to get out of. All of my kids are very lucky to have great relationships with their fathers. It is such a blessing.
Especially girls…need to know they are loved by their fathers, it sets such an important role model.
Wendi Kelly-Life’s Little Inspirationss last blog post..My Dog Missed the Memo
As a home health nurse for many>/i> years, I too saw way too many of these big-screen-tv/ welfare-check households. Many of them were teaching their children to do the same. In frustration, I often called it generations of stupid, because they were content to continue in their poverty because they had pain pills, a ride to the doctor’s, cable tv, cigarettes, and beer/soda in the fridge.
They really didn’t want for much, so they taught their children to live the same. It truly is a shame.
Jamie Simmermans last blog post..Skinny Souls: Blog Action Day
As a home health nurse for many>/i> years, I too saw way too many of these big-screen-tv/ welfare-check households. Many of them were teaching their children to do the same. In frustration, I often called it generations of stupid, because they were content to continue in their poverty because they had pain pills, a ride to the doctor’s, cable tv, cigarettes, and beer/soda in the fridge.
They really didn’t want for much, so they taught their children to live the same. It truly is a shame.
Jamie Simmermans last blog post..Skinny Souls: Blog Action Day
Sean –
I think poverty can be self inflicted with a victim-like attitude, but there are some who really do suffer poverty through little fault of their own. Some people need a new mindset; some need our helping hand. We have the luxury in deciding where we put out our helping hand.
Lori
SpaceAgeSage — Loris last blog post..Yes, I survived the week-long media fast — and learned lots!
Sean –
I think poverty can be self inflicted with a victim-like attitude, but there are some who really do suffer poverty through little fault of their own. Some people need a new mindset; some need our helping hand. We have the luxury in deciding where we put out our helping hand.
Lori
SpaceAgeSage — Loris last blog post..Yes, I survived the week-long media fast — and learned lots!
I totally agree with the father issue. I had a father that was never around. As a adult, I was able to forgive him, and allow him back. My brothers have not been so forgiving. My mom always tried to “buy” things to fill the voids. You touched on this above in a different way when you mentioned big screen t.v.’s above. If the truth be known, they are probably filling their own voids in their daily lives.
Another great post.
Tammy Warrens last blog post..My Attentive Heart…do you have one?
I totally agree with the father issue. I had a father that was never around. As a adult, I was able to forgive him, and allow him back. My brothers have not been so forgiving. My mom always tried to “buy” things to fill the voids. You touched on this above in a different way when you mentioned big screen t.v.’s above. If the truth be known, they are probably filling their own voids in their daily lives.
Another great post.
Tammy Warrens last blog post..My Attentive Heart…do you have one?
Writer Dad,
So glad you took this angle today.
I went on welfare when I was trying to get through college and raise my son. By myself. I was one of those scapegoated single moms. I hated taking my food stamps into the grocery store and would always glance behind me to see who stood behind me.
I would get so angry when politicians would scream about cutting funds to “lazy” welfare mothers when I stayed up late studying trying hard to make a better life for ourselves.
I had a lot of poverty back then. And I saw how easy a target all of us single mothers were who were working very hard. Why don’t they go after these deadbeat dads, I thought. Why do they spend all this time picking on us when these guys could be helping us out?
Ellen Wilsons last blog post..Work it Like a Turkish Pop Star
Writer Dad,
So glad you took this angle today.
I went on welfare when I was trying to get through college and raise my son. By myself. I was one of those scapegoated single moms. I hated taking my food stamps into the grocery store and would always glance behind me to see who stood behind me.
I would get so angry when politicians would scream about cutting funds to “lazy” welfare mothers when I stayed up late studying trying hard to make a better life for ourselves.
I had a lot of poverty back then. And I saw how easy a target all of us single mothers were who were working very hard. Why don’t they go after these deadbeat dads, I thought. Why do they spend all this time picking on us when these guys could be helping us out?
Ellen Wilsons last blog post..Work it Like a Turkish Pop Star
I’ve seen and felt poverty. This is one of the reason I teach and more reason why I want to start my own school in the Philippines, to help break this vicious cycle.
Money without education means nothing, therefore Education is the key.
Chriss last blog post..The Morning Ride
I’ve seen and felt poverty. This is one of the reason I teach and more reason why I want to start my own school in the Philippines, to help break this vicious cycle.
Money without education means nothing, therefore Education is the key.
Chriss last blog post..The Morning Ride
As fathers, we need to take a stand, and take back what is ours. I don’t mean this in a way to belittle women, but seriously guys. How do we expect to help our sons reach manhood when we can’t even teach them what boyhood should be? When we can’t show them what it means to be a man, and I don’t mean a man that gambles away his family’s money or spends it at a nudy bar everyday after work?
And our daughters, how are we supposed to show them what a real man should be? Fathers, date your daughters, take them out to dinner, pull out their chair, open the doors for them, but also, teach them to be appreciative of it, ALWAYS. My daughter, everytime I open a door for her, she says “Thank you daddy,” hugs my legs and then walks inside.
It is a poverty of being who and what you were made to be, a parent.
Sals last blog post..Human Dating and Courting Rituals of Birds
As fathers, we need to take a stand, and take back what is ours. I don’t mean this in a way to belittle women, but seriously guys. How do we expect to help our sons reach manhood when we can’t even teach them what boyhood should be? When we can’t show them what it means to be a man, and I don’t mean a man that gambles away his family’s money or spends it at a nudy bar everyday after work?
And our daughters, how are we supposed to show them what a real man should be? Fathers, date your daughters, take them out to dinner, pull out their chair, open the doors for them, but also, teach them to be appreciative of it, ALWAYS. My daughter, everytime I open a door for her, she says “Thank you daddy,” hugs my legs and then walks inside.
It is a poverty of being who and what you were made to be, a parent.
Sals last blog post..Human Dating and Courting Rituals of Birds
Betsy: Start early and finish strong, right?
Miguel: Thank you. It was a lot of fun.
Oktober Five: Risk is hard, but often yields the best reward.
Jamie: True that, Jamie.
B. Wilde: Met him for the first time at thirty-four? Wow. I had a girlfriend when I was fifteen who passed due to a burst appendix. The first time her father saw her since she was a baby was at her funeral. I could barely look at the guy.
Wendi: As fathers, we set the template for what our daughters expect. It is our duty to make sure that we craft the finest example possible.
Jamie: It’s more than a shame. I’d say it’s a disaster.
Lori: Hi Space Age! Absolutely true. I’d say my neighborhood’s divided right down the middle.
Tammy: There is nothing you can buy that will fill the void. At their best, such purchases are just a handful of dirt in the chasm.
Ellen: There are guys in my neighborhood, I kid you not, that have sired children in several tenements. They give a bad name to all the people who so legitimately need a helping hand. I’m sorry for your trials.
Chris: That sounds so noble, Chris. I hope you can make that happen.
Sal: I don’t think you’re belittling women at all. You are saying that we set the design for our future, and it’s our job to put care into what we’re crafting. Great comment, Sal.
Betsy: Start early and finish strong, right?
Miguel: Thank you. It was a lot of fun.
Oktober Five: Risk is hard, but often yields the best reward.
Jamie: True that, Jamie.
B. Wilde: Met him for the first time at thirty-four? Wow. I had a girlfriend when I was fifteen who passed due to a burst appendix. The first time her father saw her since she was a baby was at her funeral. I could barely look at the guy.
Wendi: As fathers, we set the template for what our daughters expect. It is our duty to make sure that we craft the finest example possible.
Jamie: It’s more than a shame. I’d say it’s a disaster.
Lori: Hi Space Age! Absolutely true. I’d say my neighborhood’s divided right down the middle.
Tammy: There is nothing you can buy that will fill the void. At their best, such purchases are just a handful of dirt in the chasm.
Ellen: There are guys in my neighborhood, I kid you not, that have sired children in several tenements. They give a bad name to all the people who so legitimately need a helping hand. I’m sorry for your trials.
Chris: That sounds so noble, Chris. I hope you can make that happen.
Sal: I don’t think you’re belittling women at all. You are saying that we set the design for our future, and it’s our job to put care into what we’re crafting. Great comment, Sal.
This post hits home for me. Our first house was next door to one of the many gov. housing complexes in this town. Every day, as Colin and I slogged at sometimes three jobs at once to survive, frustrated that our education was so costly and that we had been struggling for years to get even this far, we would have to hear domestic fights, punk kids, even people on the phone screaming that their cheque hadn’t arrived yet. The typical scene was tossed-out furniture to the curb that was nicer than ours, big-screens and new furniture being delivered by a rent-to-own store or Leons, recycling boxes of liquor and beer bottles and other junk, and garbage strewn literally everywhere. Trashy women and men sat on their porches in the afternoon, in wifebeaters and muumus, drinking Tim Hortons and smoking.
I was pissed off all the time because our place was often vandalized, though so were their own places. We knew the kids of the neighbourhood because their names were always being screeched by deadbeat mothers. The cops practically parked there permanently. There were drug busts and fires and arrests and loose dogs. I grew bitter and hateful and when I found out that one family had lived there for three generations so far, I was so freaking angry.
Then one day I noticed a respectable looking elderly man and woman emerge from one of the townhouses in the middle. Their porch was usually clean, they had simple curtains in the kitchen window, and they kept a sign on their door asking that the others not dump their miscellaneous bikes, strollers, and other garbage. I realized that in the midst of this stereotypical scenario lived a couple that ended up there under different circumstances. They were low or no income but didn’t act like it, I saw. I felt terrible for them. This makes me agree with Miguel that it’s not all black and white, or stereotypical, though certainly there are those who perpetuate the welfare stereotype.
After working our butts off but to no avail, Colin and I lost that house after three years and had to go back to an apt that was no better, since we lived above a domestically violent and abusive very young couple (trying to get pregnant!), and a drunk jerk (no, really, he was such a jerk!) who had left his family.
Belleville has one of the highest percentages in Ontario, if not Canada, of single teenage moms. One of my jobs was to type out cases for a psychologist who did parenting capacity assessments for the hundreds who ended up in court for being negligible and abusive parents. I cried a lot doing that job. The parents suck and the children often end up like them. And sometimes it was the foster parents who were abusive!
But in the end, it all comes down to choice. On the one hand you have the Pursuit of Happyness guy; on the other, the one who takes his cheque and doesn’t even try to get a job. And in between you have everyone struggling in their own ways.
All we have to decide, as Gandalf said, is what to do with the time that is given us. No matter what our circumstances. Hopefully, we chose responsibility and honour.
stephs last blog post..The Power of Being Open
This post hits home for me. Our first house was next door to one of the many gov. housing complexes in this town. Every day, as Colin and I slogged at sometimes three jobs at once to survive, frustrated that our education was so costly and that we had been struggling for years to get even this far, we would have to hear domestic fights, punk kids, even people on the phone screaming that their cheque hadn’t arrived yet. The typical scene was tossed-out furniture to the curb that was nicer than ours, big-screens and new furniture being delivered by a rent-to-own store or Leons, recycling boxes of liquor and beer bottles and other junk, and garbage strewn literally everywhere. Trashy women and men sat on their porches in the afternoon, in wifebeaters and muumus, drinking Tim Hortons and smoking.
I was pissed off all the time because our place was often vandalized, though so were their own places. We knew the kids of the neighbourhood because their names were always being screeched by deadbeat mothers. The cops practically parked there permanently. There were drug busts and fires and arrests and loose dogs. I grew bitter and hateful and when I found out that one family had lived there for three generations so far, I was so freaking angry.
Then one day I noticed a respectable looking elderly man and woman emerge from one of the townhouses in the middle. Their porch was usually clean, they had simple curtains in the kitchen window, and they kept a sign on their door asking that the others not dump their miscellaneous bikes, strollers, and other garbage. I realized that in the midst of this stereotypical scenario lived a couple that ended up there under different circumstances. They were low or no income but didn’t act like it, I saw. I felt terrible for them. This makes me agree with Miguel that it’s not all black and white, or stereotypical, though certainly there are those who perpetuate the welfare stereotype.
After working our butts off but to no avail, Colin and I lost that house after three years and had to go back to an apt that was no better, since we lived above a domestically violent and abusive very young couple (trying to get pregnant!), and a drunk jerk (no, really, he was such a jerk!) who had left his family.
Belleville has one of the highest percentages in Ontario, if not Canada, of single teenage moms. One of my jobs was to type out cases for a psychologist who did parenting capacity assessments for the hundreds who ended up in court for being negligible and abusive parents. I cried a lot doing that job. The parents suck and the children often end up like them. And sometimes it was the foster parents who were abusive!
But in the end, it all comes down to choice. On the one hand you have the Pursuit of Happyness guy; on the other, the one who takes his cheque and doesn’t even try to get a job. And in between you have everyone struggling in their own ways.
All we have to decide, as Gandalf said, is what to do with the time that is given us. No matter what our circumstances. Hopefully, we chose responsibility and honour.
stephs last blog post..The Power of Being Open
@WD: Exactly. If you get a chance, check out my blog, I go more into it for BAD08.
Sals last blog post..Parenting Poverty