Kids + Time Out = No Fun
Do you remember when we were kids? Time-outs were handed out like candy and every time we something naughty, our parents handed us the line
“This is going to hurt me a lot more than it’s going to hurt you?”
I don’t know about you, but I remember thinking, “Ya right, I’m sure that wooden hanger is really rubbing your hands raw.”
I’m just kidding; my mom’s hanger was plastic.
I never bought that line. I didn’t buy it when my parents said it, and didn’t believe it when my grandma said it either. Now I know precisely what they mean; giving your kid’s time out can be way worse for us.
Mia, like her father, can sometimes be a bit…. mouthy. That bridge between what she thinks and says, she must come to learn, is not one which must always be crossed. Last Friday, since she couldn’t keep herself from running across it any time she pleased (and all day long), we had to burn it down and leave her stranded on the other side.
We had some really fun adventures planned for our weekend and the kids. Time out is non-negotiable and so we had to take them all away.
Our daughter was on restriction and so were we.
Kids + Time Out = No Fun
Sure, the left side of my brain was thrilled; it was the right thing to do; her behavior provoked a natural consequence; she deserved to be sitting in her room alone; it serves her right; that child needs to be on restriction.
Then there’s the right side of my brain:
That’s the side that feels the ache in the sudden hollow of my heart as I look into her eyes (two chocolate drops swimming in snow, exactly like her mother’s) and clearly see that I am causing her anguish.
I know, I know – totally ridiculous. Kids… time out; hand in hand.
The upside was, we didn’t shortchange Max a bit. Daisy’s consequence cheated only her parents. We took turns staying home with Mia, while Max went skipping about on his weekend adventures.
“Why is Mia not on adventures?” he asked, then answered his own question: “Because she’s on restriction for not being a good listener, right?”
Glad he got it.
By the end of the weekend, I’d felt like I hadn’t had one (it was the opposite of going to the Catalina Island).
It’s Thursday now, and Mia’s been nothing but “Yes, Mother,” and “Yes, Father,” for five days straight. I’m sure she didn’t like spending the weekend in her room. I know I hated spending the weekend on restriction without her. We both know the equation.
Kids + Time Out = No Fun
Writer Dad
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I just discovered your site today, and I am glad I did. You write quite well and are engaging to read.
Not only that, but posts such as this one prepare me for the trials of parenthood. I have no children just yet but am planning on them in the next few years, so this is good reading.
It sounds like the restriction on her had an effect that will last. Perhaps the loss of the weekend was worth it after all. Although, nobody likes to be the bad guy at the end of the day.
Be well.
Ian
Ian Parkers last blog post..The “Mojave Experiment”
I just discovered your site today, and I am glad I did. You write quite well and are engaging to read.
Not only that, but posts such as this one prepare me for the trials of parenthood. I have no children just yet but am planning on them in the next few years, so this is good reading.
It sounds like the restriction on her had an effect that will last. Perhaps the loss of the weekend was worth it after all. Although, nobody likes to be the bad guy at the end of the day.
Be well.
Ian
Ian Parkers last blog post..The “Mojave Experiment”
Well… we try to “punish”, or “restrict”, in a way that doesn’t punish us… so it’s usually either an early bedtime, or no dessert.
Vereds last blog post..So, Another Guest Post
Well… we try to “punish”, or “restrict”, in a way that doesn’t punish us… so it’s usually either an early bedtime, or no dessert.
Vereds last blog post..So, Another Guest Post
Oh it’s a hard one for sure. I have two kids, one eight and the other eighteen. Now the eighteen year old is harder to deal with.
Early bed time is good. Because that’s not a punishment for the adults! But I can’t do that one with an eighteen year old. No computer is a good one.
Ellen Wilsons last blog post..Writing the Wild Within: Part 5 – Why Fly when You can Soar?
Oh it’s a hard one for sure. I have two kids, one eight and the other eighteen. Now the eighteen year old is harder to deal with.
Early bed time is good. Because that’s not a punishment for the adults! But I can’t do that one with an eighteen year old. No computer is a good one.
Ellen Wilsons last blog post..Writing the Wild Within: Part 5 – Why Fly when You can Soar?
Last night, after being in the same room for the first time in a week, my two sons started fighting and the older verbally threated the younger’s life. He lost a special weekend with his grandfather – a gun camp he has been anxious to attend. I think I have ruined everyone’s weekend, not just his, so I understand how you feel.
Last night, after being in the same room for the first time in a week, my two sons started fighting and the older verbally threated the younger’s life. He lost a special weekend with his grandfather – a gun camp he has been anxious to attend. I think I have ruined everyone’s weekend, not just his, so I understand how you feel.
Ian@ I’m glad you’re here. You can train for a fight twelve hours a day, but when you step in the ring, you’re still gonna get punched in the face. Parenting is a lot like that, except a lot more fun. It’s okay to be a bad guy now, as long as you’re the kind of bad guy that makes your little one into a good guy (but it’s never fun).
Vered@ Mia: “I laugh at your early bedtime.” “No dessert? I’ll eat fruit, thank you.” Taking her world away (and ours by association) works every time.
Ellen@ Eighteen years old… you’re out of my league. Hats off.
David@ Thanks for the empathy. You made the right choice.
Ian@ I’m glad you’re here. You can train for a fight twelve hours a day, but when you step in the ring, you’re still gonna get punched in the face. Parenting is a lot like that, except a lot more fun. It’s okay to be a bad guy now, as long as you’re the kind of bad guy that makes your little one into a good guy (but it’s never fun).
Vered@ Mia: “I laugh at your early bedtime.” “No dessert? I’ll eat fruit, thank you.” Taking her world away (and ours by association) works every time.
Ellen@ Eighteen years old… you’re out of my league. Hats off.
David@ Thanks for the empathy. You made the right choice.
I don’t have children but I watch my sister scold her three year-old son sometimes and although she only does it when he truly deserves it, the look on his little face just breaks my heart. I guess I’m going to have to grow thicker skin if I ever intend to become a parent, or my kid will have the run of the place.
Marelisas last blog post..Morning Ritual: A Buffet
I don’t have children but I watch my sister scold her three year-old son sometimes and although she only does it when he truly deserves it, the look on his little face just breaks my heart. I guess I’m going to have to grow thicker skin if I ever intend to become a parent, or my kid will have the run of the place.
Marelisas last blog post..Morning Ritual: A Buffet
Great post and so true. Sometimes you just have to follow stuff through to the bitter end don’t you? At least Max still got his weekend and he learned something too. :D
Great post and so true. Sometimes you just have to follow stuff through to the bitter end don’t you? At least Max still got his weekend and he learned something too. :D
Marelisa@ My son has a set of eyes and lip that kill me. I just have to keep staring straight and never let him see how much it really affects me.
Jo@ If you don’t follow through, then you may as well have never started.
Marelisa@ My son has a set of eyes and lip that kill me. I just have to keep staring straight and never let him see how much it really affects me.
Jo@ If you don’t follow through, then you may as well have never started.
Funny, I have never heard it called “restriction” before. For me it was always:
“You’re GROUNDED”
Also, I love the analogy of your wife’s (and daughter’s) eyes. My girlfriend’s are the same!
Funny, I have never heard it called “restriction” before. For me it was always:
“You’re GROUNDED”
Also, I love the analogy of your wife’s (and daughter’s) eyes. My girlfriend’s are the same!
Hi Writer Dad,
First off, thank you for coming by my blog and leaving a comment. It was from that, I found you.
And how glad I am. This is a great post. It reminds me that I’m happy the children are grown. If I have it calculated right, the youngest should still be on restriction, but she’s already married with kids of her own (passing on the restrictions she did have a chance to serve out)
Barbara Swaffords last blog post..FEFF – Feeling The Joy
Hi Writer Dad,
First off, thank you for coming by my blog and leaving a comment. It was from that, I found you.
And how glad I am. This is a great post. It reminds me that I’m happy the children are grown. If I have it calculated right, the youngest should still be on restriction, but she’s already married with kids of her own (passing on the restrictions she did have a chance to serve out)
Barbara Swaffords last blog post..FEFF – Feeling The Joy
Our daughter loves to watch TV (she’s almost 6) although we “restrict” how much of it anyway. I remember she lost her TV privileges once earlier this summer and a friend of mine told me “Why would you do that to yourself? How can you get anything done around the house?”
We’ve also used no playdates, no computer, no dessert. So then I end up with an extremely bored 6 year old, wanting to play Little Pet Shop with me while I’m trying to wash dishes/fold laundry /vacuum/cook/blog (insert chore here) asking why I can use the computer and she can’t and wanting the brownies I baked yesterday because I needed chocolate.
Yes, punishment like that is definitely hard on the parents.
Kool Aids last blog post..Little Man has a girlfriend
Our daughter loves to watch TV (she’s almost 6) although we “restrict” how much of it anyway. I remember she lost her TV privileges once earlier this summer and a friend of mine told me “Why would you do that to yourself? How can you get anything done around the house?”
We’ve also used no playdates, no computer, no dessert. So then I end up with an extremely bored 6 year old, wanting to play Little Pet Shop with me while I’m trying to wash dishes/fold laundry /vacuum/cook/blog (insert chore here) asking why I can use the computer and she can’t and wanting the brownies I baked yesterday because I needed chocolate.
Yes, punishment like that is definitely hard on the parents.
Kool Aids last blog post..Little Man has a girlfriend
Hi Writer Dad! Just found you through The Abundance Blog. Guess I just wanted to say hi and I really like your blog.
Hi Writer Dad! Just found you through The Abundance Blog. Guess I just wanted to say hi and I really like your blog.
Just a note to say thanks for being here. I too am a dad and a writer (of sorts) so I was absolutely thrilled to find this blog.
This particular topic hits home for me in a big way.
My daughter is three, very articualte and a bit “mouthy” herself.
*sigh*
Keep up the great work. Love the blog!
Just a note to say thanks for being here. I too am a dad and a writer (of sorts) so I was absolutely thrilled to find this blog.
This particular topic hits home for me in a big way.
My daughter is three, very articualte and a bit “mouthy” herself.
*sigh*
Keep up the great work. Love the blog!
Andy@ It was grounded for me too. Restriction is our modern, softer term, I guess. I enjoyed bloginyourface. I’ll see you there today.
Barbara@ My pleasure. Thank you for having a blog worth commenting on. I too, believe I still owe my parents some restriction.
Kool Aid@ For Daisy, it’s M&M;’s. When the children are on restriction, those little drops of chocolate, suddenly become calorie free.
elliotmagic@ I’m glad to have you here.
Andy@ It was grounded for me too. Restriction is our modern, softer term, I guess. I enjoyed bloginyourface. I’ll see you there today.
Barbara@ My pleasure. Thank you for having a blog worth commenting on. I too, believe I still owe my parents some restriction.
Kool Aid@ For Daisy, it’s M&M’s. When the children are on restriction, those little drops of chocolate, suddenly become calorie free.
elliotmagic@ I’m glad to have you here.
I read posts like this and think ¨Thank god I’m not a parent and never will be!”
But I am very happy that others are such conscientious parents. It makes interacting with the world as a without-children person much more enjoyable… ;)
I read posts like this and think ¨Thank god I’m not a parent and never will be!”
But I am very happy that others are such conscientious parents. It makes interacting with the world as a without-children person much more enjoyable… ;)