Seven Year Ouch

Written by Writer Dad on November 3, 2008 - View Comments
Categories: Fatherhood

“It kills you to see them grow up.  But I guess it would kill you quicker if they didn’t.”

~Barbara Kingsolver

“Mia, You need to stop that!  You are almost seven years old.”

The moment the words left my lips, I felt them at the tips of my toes, crackling through my body the entire trip down.  The room felt colder and the walls looked a little darker; as though the sun had ducked behind a cloud, or perhaps my eyes were just a bit more tired.

Mia isn’t seven, and won’t be for another couple of months.  She is, however, at the perfect age where Daisy and I can effectively use the pending candle as a talking point; the perfect age to expect the behavior required of a seven year old without having to relinquish all the benefits.

What wilted something inside me in that moment, as the words seven years old fell from my tongue for the first time, was that the seven at that second may as well have had a teen attached to its tail.

Daisy and I brought Mia home from the hospital yesterday, and were married just the day before.  Max, it seems, has only been with us for hours.

The last seven years have not fallen like leaves in Autumn, drifting gently toward a crumbling sidewalk.  They have been captured by the truculent wind of a rapidly changing season, sweeping our rituals and twisting them into memories.

I adore all the ideas our tomorrow might bring, but will gladly wait for the blossoms to bloom.

Daisy took a picture of Mia later in the day.  The perfect shot, you know the one.  When our child is caught unaware, and all their soul is on display.  Sometimes we see things different through the second hand eyes of a photograph.  In this particular stolen moment, Mia is drawing.  She still looks little enough to be my baby, but big enough to make me wince.  Her face was a little thinner, her hair a little longer (falling across her cheeks like a shadows), and her expression a bit more knowing.

She still cannot wait to crawl into my lap, and thinks most everything I say is funny.  She believes I am the most handsome of all men, and knows beyond doubt that I love her without question.  Her innocence is almost entirely intact, and her intelligent curiosity is bursting at the seams.

I know that no day is longer than another, and that time marches in only one direction, but knowing my moments are fleeting is enough to keep me mindful.

I’m surprised to find my eyes moist as I finish this thought; crying is a rarity while I write.  I do not feel sad.  Just tender, and perhaps a bit raw.  I feel the sands of the hourglass trying to bury me, as I burn my minutes in an endeavor to make them one day abundant.

My eyes are moist, but I am not crying.

The tears are there, but not a single one has fallen.  I do not think they will.  At least not right now.

I am sure they will spill when I read these words out loud to Daisy this evening.  That is when they will feel the most real.

Writer Dad

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Namas Daisy says “No Rain, No Rainbows.”

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  • Writer Dad
    Malathionman: Thanks. I have the second kind as well.

    Wendi: That's amazing. My dad has sets as well, but for different reasons. I have ten year old twin sisters, as well as a sister who is a bit older than I. My daughter is just a few years younger than my sister.

    B. Wilde: True, that. And thank you.

    Ned: All it takes is a good start. Our brains will take care of the rest. I only started a year ago. It took six months to really get going, but now it feels like drawing breath. I wish your girlfriend well.
  • What a wonderful piece, a wonderful quote, and a wonderful picture that fits perfectly. I will forward this to my girlfriend. I know she can write like this. She says she wants to, but somehow never gets started.
  • Once again, you have captured so much about your kids. The quote by Barbara Kingsolver is oh so true. Like you, I hate to see them grow up, but if they didn't grow and change and become a little more independent with each passing day, I think they would kill me before I reached the age of sixty.

    <abbr>B. Wildes last blog post..Parenting Advice - Beware of Halloween Treats</abbr>
  • @Elli: Will you? Well... good to know. :-D - Anyway, darling, I'll be home sooner, as the library is closing sooner and I take home the book that I need for tomorrow.
  • Wendy, that is such a great idea, I think I might do the same thing.

    <abbr>Ellis last blog post..Why it’s not your fault when your credit card is maxed out - and what you should do about it.</abbr>
  • Sean,

    I had my kids in groups. The first two are 31 and 27 and the second group are 14 and 11. I had the second group on purpose because one christmas day as I sat under the tree with these two teenagers, I just couldn't imagine a life NOT surrounded by the beauty of children.

    It happens so fast.

    I fixed it alright. Now I have kids and grand-kids the same age.... I think I got it covered till I die...:)

    Nice post.

    <abbr>Wendi Kelly-Life's Little Inspirationss last blog post..High Flying Faith</abbr>
  • That was very nice Sean.

    Sometimes you just can't help the tears. It has happened to me on a few of my posts too. Those are my favorites.

    Then agian there are some posts that bring tears to my eyes for entirely the wrong reasons. We won't talk about them. :)

    <abbr>malathionmans last blog post..Sign of the Times</abbr>
  • Writer Dad
    Elli: Sorry I missed you earlier. You were in the moderation zone. Ah, two.... where did those days go. We never had the terrible twos, they were all terrific. The threes however, that's another story! It is indeed a tremendous ride.

    Lance: I think I know exactly how I'm going to feel in a few years when they start to slowly slip away. I try to make sure that every moment matters, and tomorrow will be a slow burn and not a raging fire. If Max, at nine, did not want to hold my hand I would both understand and be terribly sad. Laurie's words gave me chills as well.

    Kelly: Why CAN'T time just take a break sometimes. Sure would solve an awful lot of problems. Sorry for making you sniff.

    Hayden: Having someone without children "feel" my post makes me feel awesome. Thanks, Hayden!

    Mom: You are forgiven. Did you know as you were writing that that you would drop by unannounced two hours later, or was it just a lucky coincidence? I love you too, and your new phone looks adorable.

    Marelisa: I want them to grow, I just want the Earth to orbit at half speed.

    Patricia: Thanks, Patricia. It's good to know that they don't always drift away. I don't want any regrets. It's why I'm willing to work so hard now. I want to earn the tie that will buy me the freedom to slow down.

    Vered: You are just too adorable. You should always leave your link behind. I would never question your sincerity. I will stop being silly and do exactly the same.

    Jamie: Indeed I do. Every single day.
  • What a beautiful piece of writing. Hold Daisy close.

    <abbr>jamies last blog post..Oh, snap! Tips for taking kid- and travel- worthy photos</abbr>
  • Vered
    So when I don't leave a link but use my site's name, am I showing sincerity?

    :-)
  • Vered - MomGrind
    "knowing my moments are fleeting is enough to keep me mindful."

    Mindful is good. It's positive.

    I often feel desperate.
  • Lovely writing and thoughts to share today. I share life with 29,25,22 year old daughters and all three are Daddy's little girls and I am sure they will be for the rest of their lives. My honey had to work a great deal of the time and I am sure he has regrets for the time he was away from his kiddos, but on the other hand he was determined to work harder to help them achieve their dreams too....there is an honoring between child and parent that has nothing to do with time.
    My friend was just the greatest mom and her two live far away, nearer to - spending the most time and energy on their step mom - who's to say...we just need to enjoy what comes and celebrate the tenderness and the love. I send a little prayer up for all the adoptees who have abandoned those who lovingly parented them - not uncommon enough.

    <abbr>Patricias last blog post..Hats Off to The Ladies of The Club</abbr>
  • I read yesterday something along these lines: we trade our time for money, but time is worth so much more than money. I know that my sister is torn between wanting to see her two little boys grow stronger and wiser each day, and wanting them to stay small at the same time.
  • Writer Dad's Mom
    Hi Seany, I remember many, many years ago talking to another mom, who told me the defining moment was when she looked at her "little boy" and saw hair on his leg! She knew that things were about to radically change. Maybe that is why I had such a hard time being a disciplinarian with you guys . I just wanted to play with you and enjoy the childhood years as much as I could. There is plenty of time in the future for chores, rules and responsibilities, but the reckless abandon of foolishnes can never be fully recaptured!You and KittyTown will always be my babies , so forgive me if sometimes I just want to squeeze into your busy schedules a little more than there is time for... and forgive me if I want to reside in never-never-land. Luv ya, mom.
  • I am still on 'this' side of having children, but I remember how I felt as a child - and how quickly time flew and still does fly. My big year was the year 2000. Ever since I was in elementary, 2000 seemed so far away. (The year of my high school graduation.) Now it seems I blinked and 2000 whipped right by.

    I'm starting to get nostalgic when I look at neices and nephews who grow so quickly in between our visits.

    I'm not a parent, but I so 'felt' this post, Sean.

    <abbr>Hayden Tompkinss last blog post..The Courage to Leap</abbr>
  • Ah, Sean, you got me.

    *sniff*

    I stop all the time to marvel at my 9-year-old, but you can never stop enough. It's like having a beautiful, living painting in front of your eyes. If you sat down and looked all day, it wouldn't be enough.

    But she'd think I was a weirdo, for sure. :)

    She asked me today, when I offhandedly said "time marches on," in trying to get her ready for school, "Mama, why can't time just take a break sometimes?"

    Only one direction, baby. Only one direction. Sorry.

    Thanks for this beautiful mini-memoir. I'll stop and marvel a bit extra today because of this.

    Regards,

    Kelly

    <abbr>Kellys last blog post..Inspiration Points: Einstein’s Formula for Success? Y Is Play</abbr>
  • This touches upon something I've been thinking a lot about lately Sean. My children are 13, 11, and 9. The older they get, the less they want to sit on my lap, hold my hand, read a book with me, etc. And realizing this - I cherish each time that this still happens. My 9 year old still holds my hand, and I appreciate that so much more today than I did a few short years ago - because I know that it won't be long where he won't want to anymore. My 11 year old daughter will still sit on my lap sometimes - and again, I cherish these moments - because she's becoming a young lady - and I'm not always who she wants to hang out with. Each moment of their lives are a new moment to savor - just that it might be in new ways. The key for me has become to cherish all the moments. Like holding hands with my nine year old son as we walk into the grocery store - moments I love very much...

    And to Laurie's point - the "S" on your chest - Laurie -- that thought, it gave me chills (in a very good way - thank you).

    <abbr>Lances last blog post..Guest Post: What’s Your Best Effort?</abbr>
  • Writer Dad
    Janine: Thank you. I do as well. I take it as a high compliment that even without children, you feel them as you do.

    Oktober Five: I know how long you've been reading, and I cannot thank you more for such a wonderful, wonderful compliment.

    Blake: That's something I must get better about. I do very little to record them. I keep telling myself that it will get easier, but I have to make it happen. I have a camera, both point and click and video. They may not be the best, but they work and only I can make it a habit. Thanks for the much needed reminder.

    Daniel: Ah, 23... good times. Keeping the child inside us happy is key to keeping the parent we have to be engaged with the children we are raising.

    Evelyn: I does indeed. That's simple, and well said. It is important to BE with our children when we are with them. It is not enough to simply share their space.

    Friar: You are absolutely right. Though we often want to choke each other, my mom and I are also terrific friends. I look forward to Max and Mia growing up. I have tons of stuff I'd love to share, I just don't ever want to be in so much of a hurry that I miss the little moments that compound into regret.

    Sal: It's terrific that you don't let stereotypes dictate perspective. It is all too easy to do. Then we find ourselves sliding into familiar scenarios. That's never okay, because we are only shortchanging ourselves. "Time is precious, the past is the past, the future we cannot control, but the present, yes, it is just that, a gift; a single soletary moment in time to be completely taken in, absorbed, remembered, then all to sudden it becomes part of the past and we are left with another second to cherish." That is a wonderful addition to the thread, Sal. Thank you.

    Kyddryn: I feel you too K, and Daisy feels you even deeper, southern girl that she is. I want them to grow up, just at my pace instead of their own. There's another dichotomy for you... we must, as parents, remain so selfless, isn't it natural to want to be selfish at least some of the time?

    Ian: Thanks Ian. You are such a constant, and I thank you. Laurie's comment made me cry, yours made me remember.
  • Ian
    WD,

    Never stop writing. That brought tears to my eyes. It also makes me long for the days when I have children of my own. I will make mistakes as humans tend to do, but the sharing of your experiences as a father will prepare me much more than anything else, as I never had my father around as I grew up, and my grandfather left this world too soon. I think Laurie put it best. You are your daughter's superhero, and that is awesome.

    Be well.

    <abbr>Ians last blog post..Content Adjustment</abbr>
  • The Evil Genius will be six in January; only yesterday, I said "Holy crap, when did I give birth to a six-year-old???"

    He still crawls onto me for a cuddle, climbs up the bed to snuggle in the morning, and thinks I am the font of all knowledge...but he's beginning to display a little doubt as to my omniscience, occasionally casting a sideways glance at something I say. He is exploring his own world-view, one that may be much like mine, but is still all his. He is well past the days when he needs me to help him play - now, he will disappear into his room for hours to amuse himself, and he doesn't need me to help him with the swing set outside, either. Now he wants to go out and play while I am in the house, busy with something. I am not quite there yet, in that place where I can let him have that much freedom, that much distance. The day is coming, though.

    Children are a source of great poignancy as we wrestle with the dichotomy of "I can't wait until s/he grows up and can do..." and "Don't grow up too fast, sweet child..."

    I feel you.

    Shade and Sweetwater,
    K

    <abbr>Kyddryns last blog post..NaNoWriMoNaBloPoMo....</abbr>
  • Sal
    This is one of the reasons we write isn't it? In order to capture these memories, I think you once put it, like taking a photograph with a pencil. I know when I look back in my late years and re-read (or have read to me) all of these stories, I will be able to remember them as vividly as I do now.

    Our little girl is getting so big also. I promised myself, as soon as I found out Jess was pregnant, that I wasn't going to let the stereotypes of pregnancy and children get in the way of me experiencing what it is like for me. I look at every day as an experience, all of it positive and enthralling for my senses. Sean, it gives me great pleasure to experience in some way, your experiences, and even more pleasure to experience you experiencing them. Max and Mia are incredibly blessed to have you and Daisy in their life.

    Time is precious, the past is the past, the future we cannot control, but the present, yes, it is just that, a gift; a single soletary moment in time to be completely taken in, absorbed, remembered, then all to sudden it becomes part of the past and we are left with another second to cherish.

    <abbr>Sals last blog post..How to Entertain For 500</abbr>
  • Ahhh...I don't think any one age is necessarily better than another. They're just different, that's all.

    Just think of the fun you'll have when your daughter is older. When she's 10, 15, 20, and 40. Sure, you'll miss the cute 7-year-old things she does. But you'll be able to relate on whole other levels that you can't do share with her right now.

    If anything, things might even get better. I'm 44...and I'm as close to my Mom as ever. Because we've had all that time together to get to build our relationship.

    <abbr>Friars last blog post..Great Moments in Small-Town Fine Dining</abbr>
  • Time certainly flies fast, isn't it? I don't see my 7 year old as old but I am more mindful that I have to cherish the time we have together. I'm the one who is always in a rush. I need to stop myself more, and just BE with her more often!!

    <abbr>Evelyn Lims last blog post..My Out-of-Body Experiences</abbr>
  • What a nice post! I came over here from the Discomfort Zone and subscribed right away. My daughter is only turning two years old in another couple weeks and I already feel how time is flying. It doesn't make it easier that she is such a clone of myself that older acquaitances, even if not at all senile yet get confused when we visit them. :-)
    It's such a great ride, innit? Keeping that in mind makes it all the more important to enjoy every moment and not dwell on the negatives.

    <abbr>Ellis last blog post..Why it’s not your fault when your credit card is maxed out - and what you should do about it.</abbr>
  • And I'm now 23.

    All of us lived our lives in different ways. Sure ain't gonna be able to turn back time - at least not for now. Now it gets me thinking how does it feel like in your shoes, when I was 7 myself. How did my parents feel like every single day when I'm growing up with them.

    Well now, on my part I would too love every moment when I walk in maturity and wisdom, but still learning to retain the childlike faith (and at times, behaviors) that helps engage people from almost all ages. :)

    This post sure got me thinking. Sure loved every moment of this.

    <abbr>Daniel Richards last blog post..120+ Participants Of Blogging Idol 2 (2008)</abbr>
  • My oldest is 7 right now. And sometimes she acts so much older...and I get used to it. So I have to remind myself that when she acts like an actual 7 year old or even a 5 or 6 year old....that it's okay. I can't expect her to grow up to quickly. I want her and her younger sister and younger brother to know that their parents love them and pour our lives into them.

    But I don't want them to grow up too fast. And I want to take picture and video and lots of other ways to document each special time in their/our lives.

    <abbr>Blakes last blog post..Domino’s Election Results</abbr>
  • I've never enjoyed any of your posts more than I did this one. I admire how "human" your writing is. It speaks to anyone willing to listen, and it speaks well.
  • Beautiful descriptions. I have to say that I love the posts about your children most. I notice your unique voice is always at its best when talking about Mia or Max, and I can't help but be sucked into the wonderment you have for them.

    I don't have children of my own yet...but I am sure I will feel the same way one day.

    <abbr>Janines last blog post..Make Editors and Clients Want More.</abbr>
  • Writer Dad
    Bamboo: It is so young, and I don't think of her as old, it's just that the seven years seem to have slipped by so fast. It's easy to age ourselves by the years of another.

    Miguel: It's silly, really. We should always celebrate that which makes us human, and that part of us which makes our particular humanity unique. My family knows me as tender, but you are right, it isn't a quality I'd advertise outside my walls. It's a failing that is quite clear my own.

    Julie: Well said, Julie. Money can buy us a few extra baubles here and there, but its real value lies in the time it affords us to explore the world in our own way. "all the glorious beauty of each wondrous being, unfolding and blossoming before your eyes, balanced by the pang of how time is just racing by." This is a wonderful sentiment, beautifully expressed. Thank you.

    Scott: Alcohol is only one of a million thieves of our hours. I will be by later to read your words.

    Kip de Moll: I know exactly what you mean. It feels like lightning, but I'm quite sure the boulder only gains speed as it gets closer to the bottom. I do try to appreciate the moments. I feel like it's my only hope of slowing the roll.

    Tara: You, Tara, are quite obviously such a fantastic mum. I had my children early, but we were totally ready as well. Even though everyone tells us, it's still difficult to believe how much everything changes once the babies are born. They ask us to sacrifice a lot. Still, those sacrifices are nothing compared to the ones we make without even realizing it, by ignoring the things that are exponentially more important than our missing "me time."

    Jamie: That was exactly it - adding the one and knowing it would be here in a blink. It almost brought me to my knees.

    Eric: Well said Eric. It creeps up, sideswipes us, then leaves us gasping for breath.

    Laurie: Your final paragraph brought my tears. Thank you, Laurie. I will make sure my S never fades.

    Kool Aid: The thinning of the cheeks is universal. All of us who knew the diaper years know the pang of dimming baby fat.

    Steph: It is both. It was honest, written a couple of days back when I was feeling a bit sad. I thought I'd tweak it a bit before it went to press, as I often do, but I just couldn't. I thought by changing it, I would lose something essential.
  • I don't know what to say. This post is both sad and celebratory at the same time, I think.

    <abbr>stephs last blog post..Samhain, Lord of the Dead</abbr>
  • I caught my husband, Trey, looking at pictures of our daughter that are hanging on the wall.

    "When did she lose those baby cheeks?" he asks me.

    Beautiful post - indeed our children are growing so fast!

    <abbr>Kool Aids last blog post..Halloween</abbr>
  • Laurie
    "The last seven years have not fallen like leaves in Autumn, drifting gently toward a crumbling sidewalk. They have been captured by the truculent wind of a rapidly changing season, sweeping our rituals and twisting them into memories."

    Beautifully composed Sean. You paint a vivid image as I read your words.

    Yes, it is true, the older they get, the faster the time goes. My 4 year old son (now 19) has moved off to college and is hopefully becoming a man. Each season of their lives brings new surprises to unwrap. I really believe that my most enjoyable time with my younger son (now 16) is now in his teenage years. We have some great talks and his wit is refining itself. He is a hoot.

    An encouraging word for you Sean. I am and will always be my daddy's little girl. While we relate to each other as adults, I never lost the feeling of my dad, the superhero. Neither will your daughter, even when she is has married a different superhero. The "S" on your chest doesn't fade in time. It really just becomes more meaningful.
  • This is very timely as Liz and I were just talking about how 7 years of marriage is quickly sneaking up on us. Time certainly does seem to come at us slowly for a moment and the shoot by us like a lightning bolt.

    This was a beautifully worded window into your heart, Sean. You truly love your family and that shines through 10 times over. Well done! Eric.

    <abbr>Eric Hamms last blog post..M2A! November Week1: The Soy Controversy Continues</abbr>
  • It hit me when my oldest turned 8. I said, " he'll be going to college in 10 years." 10 Years! Not long at all to hold them, is it?

    <abbr>Jamie Simmermans last blog post..Red Sky at Night: Writer’s Delight</abbr>
  • This is something I have been mindful of from the moment both my children were born.
    I promised myself I would enjoy every single minute of their lives as so many people had said how quickly it all slips away and how if they could have their time back they would do this or say that or go there.
    I never wanted to look back with any regret.
    I wanted until I was totally ready to have children (that mythical time!) and so I never minded waking up at all hours or being housebound when they were ill or giving up a whole chunk of 'me' to given them the best start in life.
    Now my son is nearly 6 I look back and am so proud of the young man he is and he is becoming and look forward to the rest of his life.
    Sure I think, 'wow, he's nearly 6! Wasn't I just changing his nappies and rocking him in my arms just a few months ago', but now he's moving on to an even better stage and I can't wait to hold his hand while he's doing it.
    Really lovely post Writer Dad. Really struck a note with me (which is clearly why I've rambled on!)

    <abbr>Tara@From Dawn Till Rusks last blog post..Wordless Wednesday: What's the first single you ever bought?</abbr>
  • You think it's fast now...
    I have a daughter just gone off to college, another married. Either one, I can still feel them in my lap so many years ago. They hug me now, but it's not at all the same. They are their own people and that is how it should be.
    It is good that you can recognize and appreciate the moments as they are right in front of you.

    <abbr>Kip de Molls last blog post..On the Edge</abbr>
  • Ahh, the thing that causes my foot to reach my backside the most. Time "lost" that can't be recovered. I missed so many years with my kids it's maddening. Time lost with my children is what causes my tears to spill quite often.

    The link I've set for my latest post is my "awakening" so to speak, from last week. It's not my last blog post. Now, I'm not looking for traffic, or comments, but I would like, no love, anyone who is or is wanting to be a parent to read. And remember Ya'll, anything, not just alcohol, can steal your time.

    Sean, it warms my soul to know that you are "mindful." I'm almost, envious.

    <abbr>Scotts last blog post..Is It Too Late</abbr>
  • Time is the most precious of commodities. We trade far too much of it away with things that just don't matter, really. When we realize it, it's too late. (I did this yesterday, and am kicking myself. Choices...) Anyone and anything we love should always, always come first; everything else is secondary. Children are the MOST perfect examples of how quickly time passes. I am shocked each time I see my niece, how so much more adult-like she's becoming, 8 going on 45, it seems! Knowing how yin-yang is everywhere in life, I wonder how hard it must be to parent...all the glorious beauty of each wondrous being, unfolding and blossoming before your eyes, balanced by the pang of how time is just racing by. If I feel this with my niece... Oh, my.

    <abbr>Julies last blog post..Been There, Done That</abbr>
  • Hi WD,

    There is a devotional I read, written by Morrison. A few days ago I was reading about the virtue of kindness, and he wrote something quite true. Kindness (and tenderness is part of it) is one of the few virtues we males try to hide.

    <abbr>Miguel de Luiss last blog post..Oliver Twist lives! (part 1)</abbr>
  • 7 seems pretty young to me.

    Rejoice that your daughter is so young. If you think of her as old now - what will you think of her when she is double that age?

    Maybe you will look back and say, "Geez, how did I think of Mia as old when she was just 7? What the hell was wrong with me?"

    I've never applied this concept to someones child. Usually I speak of it in terms of ourselves. But, I suppose it could work this way too.

    <abbr>Bamboo Forests last blog post..The Polls Are Open: Cast Your Vote for P.I. President</abbr>
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