The willingness to accept responsibility for one’s own life is the source from which self-respect springs.
~Joan Didion
“Daisy, I need you.”
I’m out the door before she can answer, feet over the fence, three seconds later.
“Hey,” I yell.
I land in front of both of them, but grab the bigger one by the shirt as he’s passing. He’s holding a handful of labels from the post office. Kindergarten logic paints his paws as red as the stop sign he just slapped a label on.
He shrugs me off, and starts to walk, his friend a beat behind.
I grab his shirt, pull him toward me, then sidestep in front.
“You’re going to clean that off, or you’re gonna wait for the cops.”
He stares.
I stare back.
The vandal’s a big kid, not used to being challenged. He’s between fifteen and seventeen, six foot two, two-hundred and fifty pounds.
He’s got seventy-five pounds on me, at least, but I’ve the advantage of an inch, and I press it on him like it’s the peak of a mountain.
“Two choices.”
He shrugs me off and turns. I maneuver back in front.
Silent, I produce my phone and hit the police, non emergency (our neighborhood is such that this number is immediately accessible).
“Fine,” he says, approaching the stop sign, “but it don’t come off.”
“It will come off. The last time I scraped one of those stickers, it took half an hour, but I’m probably faster than you.”
He stares, hate boiling. ”I don’t have to do this,” he says.
“Then don’t.”
He stands on tip toe, and peels the sticker from the sign. When it’s gone, he scrapes the scraps with the scraps of his nails. Every peer is peering, dozens of eyes, peeking from windows, trees, and alleys.
I’m on my corner, arms folded, watching him work, enjoying it far more than when I’m the one scraping. It took three years to get the four way stop put on our corner, two days to get it tagged.
“I bet you wouldn’t have done that if your mama was watching,” I say.
“I just did it while my grandma was watching,” he boasts. There is genuine pride in his face, but it is clearly masking a different emotion.
“I hope she’s watching right now.”
The stop sign is shining and he turns to leave. ”Don’t forget the trash can.” I point to the can on the corner.
The can on the corner came from our city. We waited two years. We wipe it down and dump it every Friday. This is preferable to the era when we didn’t have the can, and people instead used our yard, sidewalk, and hedges.
Since we’ve had the can, it’s suffered intermittent detonations in the few weeks preceding and following the Fourth of July. At the moment, I’m looking at a postal sticker splayed across the side. I didn’t see my new friend do it, and don’t know for a fact he was the culprit, but it matters not at all.
He continues to stare, hatred now mingled with defeat. The sticker peels off the trash can like they always do.
I let him leave, but not without a final word. ”You need to show respect around my property.”
“Which one’s yours?”
“Does it matter?”
“Yeah,” he sneers.
“The whole corner,” I say. ”Anything in eyesight of my kids.”
He walks away. I turn back to the house.
I’m being watched, not just by Daisy and the entire neighborhood.
Our final client of the day is on standing on our porch. I wonder what he’s thinking, but then I see the applause on his face and feel relieved.
We live in one of the oldest houses, in the oldest part of our city. The neighborhood was overcrowded to begin with, and has continued to brim. We nurture our corner and it’s improved immeasurably since we planted a flag in our preschool three years back.
Neighborhoods are life, filled with all kinds of people.
Life advances with effort and deteriorates with apathy. Income means nothing, manners are free.
I believe in my neighborhood (always have), but the mothers and fathers of today should be paying more attention to the mothers and fathers of tomorrow.
Writer Dad
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About Sean Platt
Betsy: It’s actually from a book, and Clint Eastwood flick, “The Outlaw Josie Wales.” We always thought it was a cool saying.
Kyddryn: This is wonderfully expressed. I saw him today. He crossed half a block to not walk in front of our house. I’m not sure exactly what that means, but time tells a story.
Rosie: Thanks for caring about my safety. Time will push us where we need to go. I’m game to wait. I just want others to respect themselves and their community, and not have cheap excuses handed to them.
Betsy: It’s actually from a book, and Clint Eastwood flick, “The Outlaw Josie Wales.” We always thought it was a cool saying.
Kyddryn: This is wonderfully expressed. I saw him today. He crossed half a block to not walk in front of our house. I’m not sure exactly what that means, but time tells a story.
Rosie: Thanks for caring about my safety. Time will push us where we need to go. I’m game to wait. I just want others to respect themselves and their community, and not have cheap excuses handed to them.
Writer Dad — way to make a stand. So many perps think they own their neck of the woods. As a third degree black belt, I’d say stay out of his punching and kicking range next time, but keep the attitude of “don’t come in and disrespect my house (neighborhood)!” So many people fear what might happen, but they don’t realize doing nothing can feed the monster even more.
Writer Dad — way to make a stand. So many perps think they own their neck of the woods. As a third degree black belt, I’d say stay out of his punching and kicking range next time, but keep the attitude of “don’t come in and disrespect my house (neighborhood)!” So many people fear what might happen, but they don’t realize doing nothing can feed the monster even more.
Good move, I do not know how you resisted strangling that dumbass, lol
Marcs last blog post..George W. Bush: Has He Managed The Economy Well?
Good move, I do not know how you resisted strangling that dumbass, lol
Marcs last blog post..George W. Bush: Has He Managed The Economy Well?
SpaceAgeSage: You’re a third degree black belt! That is like, far out cool man. You’ve given me perfect, sensible advice. Thank you. I should have approached him with more regard for my safety. I will be more mindful in the future. I love what you said about feeding the monster. So true.
Marc: I couldn’t have fit my hands around his giant McDonalds fueled neck.
SpaceAgeSage: You’re a third degree black belt! That is like, far out cool man. You’ve given me perfect, sensible advice. Thank you. I should have approached him with more regard for my safety. I will be more mindful in the future. I love what you said about feeding the monster. So true.
Marc: I couldn’t have fit my hands around his giant McDonalds fueled neck.
Sean,
How did I miss this blog? Oh, right – you remember, but I don’t :-) .
I haven’t read all of the comments, but I can tell you one thing: as a teacher, a New Yorker (talk about graffiti!) and a mother. The ONLY way to stop a bully is to out-bully him or her. That’s it. That phone in your hand, and (I’m sure), the tone in your voice, was the out-bullier in you.
One night this past summer, my younger (17) daughter came home with a friend – and a sign. It was a sign to FEDERAL ROUTE 1 – which takes you from Maine to Florida. They claimed it was on the ground ( my daughter is not a bully, she’s a victim of teen judgement). We told her she’d have to take it back the next day. Both girls refused, saying it was now “theirs.” My husband picked up the phone and started dialing. Jill, the friend, asked “are you calling my parents?” Doc said “Nope – the police.” We both explained that a night in jail might do them some good in determining “whose sign it was.”
The sign was returned – by BOTH girls – the minute Town Hall opened the next day. Would we have turned them in? YOU BET!
Rita
Sean,
How did I miss this blog? Oh, right – you remember, but I don’t :-) .
I haven’t read all of the comments, but I can tell you one thing: as a teacher, a New Yorker (talk about graffiti!) and a mother. The ONLY way to stop a bully is to out-bully him or her. That’s it. That phone in your hand, and (I’m sure), the tone in your voice, was the out-bullier in you.
One night this past summer, my younger (17) daughter came home with a friend – and a sign. It was a sign to FEDERAL ROUTE 1 – which takes you from Maine to Florida. They claimed it was on the ground ( my daughter is not a bully, she’s a victim of teen judgement). We told her she’d have to take it back the next day. Both girls refused, saying it was now “theirs.” My husband picked up the phone and started dialing. Jill, the friend, asked “are you calling my parents?” Doc said “Nope – the police.” We both explained that a night in jail might do them some good in determining “whose sign it was.”
The sign was returned – by BOTH girls – the minute Town Hall opened the next day. Would we have turned them in? YOU BET!
Rita
Nice work. It’s what I want out of everyone I train in Taiji: just do that thing you’re reluctant to do! Bang: everyone is better off.
Good job. Couragous! Lovely.
And in my work with teens, it’s putting limits on young men that helps them feel safe. The man you sent away will feel safer just like your neighbors and you.
Stevens last blog post..Reflexology Pressure Point Studies for Internal Arts
Nice work. It’s what I want out of everyone I train in Taiji: just do that thing you’re reluctant to do! Bang: everyone is better off.
Good job. Couragous! Lovely.
And in my work with teens, it’s putting limits on young men that helps them feel safe. The man you sent away will feel safer just like your neighbors and you.
Stevens last blog post..Reflexology Pressure Point Studies for Internal Arts
Rita: That’s an awesome story, and good for you. I can’t imagine what my own kids will pull, once there of age to do something really naughty.
Steven: Exactly. I’m most interested in the viewpoint of the children who were watching. Did it help to shape their viewpoint?
Rita: That’s an awesome story, and good for you. I can’t imagine what my own kids will pull, once there of age to do something really naughty.
Steven: Exactly. I’m most interested in the viewpoint of the children who were watching. Did it help to shape their viewpoint?
Rita,
Thank you for sharing a story about your daughter. It takes a lot more courage to be willing to call the cops on your own children than it does to stand up to an adolescent with a sticker. What I did was simple instinct; you had to dig your heels in, with the people in the world who you love most. That’s infinitely more difficult.
Rita,
Thank you for sharing a story about your daughter. It takes a lot more courage to be willing to call the cops on your own children than it does to stand up to an adolescent with a sticker. What I did was simple instinct; you had to dig your heels in, with the people in the world who you love most. That’s infinitely more difficult.
Writer Dad,
I can’t think of any parent who would want to put their child in jail. But we had to make a decision, and it wasn’t easy. If anybody cares to read the entire story, they can do so at:
http://bloggrrl.com/2008/10/04/the-night-we-had-to-send-our-daughter-to-jail/
Thanks Writer Dad,
Rita
Ritas last blog post..The Night We Had to Send our Daughter to Jail
Writer Dad,
I can’t think of any parent who would want to put their child in jail. But we had to make a decision, and it wasn’t easy. If anybody cares to read the entire story, they can do so at:
http://bloggrrl.com/2008/10/04/the-night-we-had-to-send-our-daughter-to-jail/
Thanks Writer Dad,
Rita
Ritas last blog post..The Night We Had to Send our Daughter to Jail
I had a similar experience and the way it turned out is the guy got a cop and almost got me arrested and charged with criminal assault with a possible racial hate crime angle thrown into the mix. It turns out that touching someone in any way at all (and in your story you grabbed his shirt, which is more than I did) can get you into legal trouble fast. My salvation was some really fast talking and apologizing on my part, which of course entireley deflated my oritinal purpose. Some of these losers understand the legal system well enough to use it as a weapon against the forces of good. Other posters have pointed out the obvious risk of violence to you and damage to your property. I just thought I would point out another area of vulnerability. If you are going to do this kind of thing, it is good to know what the risks are so you can control them as much as possible. I’m really glad your act paid off and I hope there are no future repurcussions. My advice to you is that next time, don’t touch the guy unless he takes a swing at you. And if that happens, as soon as the scuffle is over, make sure you are the first to call the cops. It is never clear to the cops who the aggressor was, so the one who calls the cops is in a much better position.
I had a similar experience and the way it turned out is the guy got a cop and almost got me arrested and charged with criminal assault with a possible racial hate crime angle thrown into the mix. It turns out that touching someone in any way at all (and in your story you grabbed his shirt, which is more than I did) can get you into legal trouble fast. My salvation was some really fast talking and apologizing on my part, which of course entireley deflated my oritinal purpose. Some of these losers understand the legal system well enough to use it as a weapon against the forces of good. Other posters have pointed out the obvious risk of violence to you and damage to your property. I just thought I would point out another area of vulnerability. If you are going to do this kind of thing, it is good to know what the risks are so you can control them as much as possible. I’m really glad your act paid off and I hope there are no future repurcussions. My advice to you is that next time, don’t touch the guy unless he takes a swing at you. And if that happens, as soon as the scuffle is over, make sure you are the first to call the cops. It is never clear to the cops who the aggressor was, so the one who calls the cops is in a much better position.
Rita: Your poem about your daughter is beautiful. Perfect rhyme scheme. Anyone who is reading this will have a guaranteed smile if they follow the link up above.
Barry: I think the message I’m hearing from the majority of the comments, both from this post and the one following. Good job, don’t do it again. I agree. I will use more caution in the future.
Rita: Your poem about your daughter is beautiful. Perfect rhyme scheme. Anyone who is reading this will have a guaranteed smile if they follow the link up above.
Barry: I think the message I’m hearing from the majority of the comments, both from this post and the one following. Good job, don’t do it again. I agree. I will use more caution in the future.
Great writing!!!