How to Think Like a Black Belt in Parenting

How to Think Like a Black Belt in Parenting

Today’s guest post is from Lori Hoeck, author of the awesome Think Like a Black Belt blog. It might be new, but it’s also the best self defense blog around. Lori has also authored the wonderful ebook, Think Like a Black Belt. I’ve read it and would recommend it to anyone with children as it is brimming with practical points of discussion to keep parents mindful and their children safe.

Lori, it’s all yours…

You’ve seen them before in stores, at your kid’s school, in the line for movies:
Spoiled kids who rule the roost with anger and pouting
Manipulative kids playing “I’m so afraid (sick, tired, hungry,) that I can’t do that” game
Passive aggressive kids with the obliging smile who end up dragging their feet
Overly excited or talkative kids who need constant input, attention, or action
Shy kids who won’t look anyone in the eye

I’ve had them all as karate students. And if the parents didn’t give up or interfere, most of these kinds of kids turned out just fine as respectful, confident, and self-disciplined karate students with the help of quality martial arts training.

Here are three reasons why:

Consistency

At the last school I taught (I’m semi-retired now), the top seven, high-level black belt instructors all taught differently in their own classes in regards to style and teaching methods. We were all constant, though, in teaching martial arts discipline, respect, and technical excellence based on the rank of students. Everyone knew the boundaries and expectations.

When the message, rules, and values all match up, children use the calming, reinforcing consistency to create a foundation and safety net from which they can climb to amazing heights.

Respect the big picture

When new students walk into a training floor, they may have a white belt around their waist, but I see a black belt. I see someone who is soon going to be disciplined, confident, determined, street savvy, and skilled in self defense. In many cases, I have far more respect for them than they have for themselves. My job is to make them believe in themselves and the training process enough to push past the physical, mental, and emotional barriers separating them from the black belt rank.

When someone believes in children that much, expects the best from them, and is willing to motivate them when they need a little boost – and do this for years – children naturally want to learn and grow and excel. They do even better if the adults around them model their own life and skills with integrity.

No games

I’ve had an 8 year old boy tried to sweet talk me like a slimier Eddie Haskell in the old TV show Leave it to Beaver.
I’ve watched 5 year old pout and cry and say she just couldn’t handle sweat.
I’ve seen teenagers say they will try their best and then goof off like the class clowns.

How do I handle these kids? I throw their game back in their face, sometimes rather hard. (None of the names used are real.) –

“Mitchell, I’m not one of the drug dealers and partiers your mom says she and you hang out with. You don’t need to play the “cutesy, lone kid trying to get adult attention” game with me. I’m your karate instructor. You just need to get in line, stop talking, and work hard.”

“Mary, you told me your heroes are the older boy and girl in the Chronicles of Narnia. Do you think they would mind a little sweat? Do you want to be like them or not? Then stop playing like you are a weak, little girl. You are a strong young lady and you know it. Act like it.”

“You three yellow belts have been goofing off in class. Perhaps this little game may get you attention from Mommy and Daddy and your teachers, but, trust me, you won’t like the kind of attention it will get you here. Besides, your example to the lower rank students shows you don’t care about the responsibility of your rank. Do you wish to try a white belt on again? I didn’t think so.”

—
To recap:

Consistent boundaries and expectations
Respectful, committed confidence in the child’s potential
Showing effort gets better results in the long run than manipulation

These three work well individually, but it’s when they overlap and combine with other techniques that the martial arts can be so effective in helping children find confidence, maturity, and emotional balance.

Check out Lori’s self defense book, “Think Like a Black Belt – Take Charge of Your Own Safety” today.

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