“You can’t wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club.”
~Jack London
NaNoWriMo has been less productive for me than I had hoped, but still better than I had any right to expect. I’m eking along, a few pages a day. Yes, I am lagging far behind, and yes, I am okay with it. I’ll be thrilled if I end the month with an engaging outline for a future novel. Any freelance work which comes my way must share the front seat alongside the promising guest posts that are lined up.
The month is nearly half over, and I’m still well inside the walls of the first act. I do, however have a fairly good idea about where the story is going, which is a lot more than I could have said two weeks ago. This is the final few hundred words of the opening chapter. I hope you enjoy, and please feel free to critique it below. I chose this particular section because I feel as though it does an adequate job of displaying the setting and I didn’t have too much to choose from.
RedBook:
Billy slid his finger across the glass, then pulled manual control from the on board computer. He dragged his thumb in a neat line across the bar of green dashes until the glass was a straight line of crimson, each dash darkening beneath his drifting thumb. A few nearly silent words fell from the side of Billy’s mouth, and the Skyler soared into a full throttle; launching upward in a single straight shot, fifteen seconds into the sky. It teetered for a single second, with barely a mislaid milisecond of momentum, then hovered into a perfect horizontal.
“Three…two…one,” Conner counted quietly to himself. There was a split second boom that somehow sounded both deafening and quiet, and then the Skyler wrinkled the blue sky at six-hundred kilometers per hour, just as the bones of the planet’s biggest factory for the world’s only narcotic collapsed inside a crumbling sink hole.
“You weren’t kidding,” Billy said a few decibels too loud, his ears ringing from the force of the blast.
Conner was silent. He collapsed in his chair, stared out the window, and wondered for the thousandth time what life would have been like if he had been born just one generation earlier. He had read plenty of histories and seen enough footage to last a dozen lifetimes, but Conner could never quite place himself in those final few years before the Great Melancholy, back when technology had finally outrun philosophy and left the world buried beneath a tsunami of chaos. Of course there had been those few who had seen it coming, but even they could not have imagined it unfolding as fast as it did.
It was two decades later and the world was mostly safe, though safe was a synonym for antiseptic. Conner lived in a world where illegal drugs had been wiped from the planet. There were few alive willing to taint their blood. Such barbarism was so last century. Why would anyone engage in anything so primitive, when a single Primotion chip, implanted in the brain could easily eliminate any negative thought that might be spun in the subconscious.
The elders were the biggest addicts, as they had nursed the biggest burden of transition. The young understood the technology that was turning the gears of the world as though it was a native tongue, which to most of them it was. Use of the Primotion chip among the under twenty population was nearly non existent. But for those in their golden years, it was nearly epidemic.
Once the chip went whirring in the brain, life was all rainbows and dolphins. The problem was, when life is only good, then you don’t know when it’s bad. If you don’t know when it’s bad, you’ll be clueless when it starts getting worse. If you’re clueless when it’s getting worse, then you are powerless to stop it.
Imagine that thirty percent of the Newmerican population was living beneath just such an umbrella, and you’ll know precisely where we are when fifteen year old Conner Quick pulled himself into the Skyler, and why he was smiling at the holocaust he’d left behind.
Writer Dad
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Related posts:
- RedBook… An Excerpt Part III “Primitive isn’t the same as stupid.” ~ Conner Quick Note:...
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More?
Please?
Pretty please, with sugar on top?
(I admit it… I’m a sci-fi geek. And you’ve already got me hooked on your story with just those few words!)
GreenJellos last blog post..What’s Your Bias? (Round Two)
*sniffs*
Do I smell something vaguely… cyberpunkish? Or are my senses misleading me? Want more!
May I ask about your favorite authors and/or genres, or perhaps any you feel might be peering over your shoulder as you write this?
Aylad MacOdyss last blog post..The Guitar Player
Green Jello: Hey, you’re early! This only got published because my WordPress was acting all wonky. Thanks for liking it. I had no idea how it would play out of context, just those few hundred words. I can feel the story wanting to wiggle out now now. I think it will probably end up as a big messy outline, but what I have will probably be pretty cool.
Aylad: And another. No, I wouldn’t say cyberpunk. Maybe Philip K. Dick for kids. I have no favorite author or genre. Well, probably King but that’s cause he’s written so much, but no genre. I just love books. This is definitely going to be sci-fi, but that’s because the story I want to tell has to take place in the future.
Dude, that rocks! I love it. And you just made my night. Here I was sitting in a Melancholy of my own trying to do school work when lo and behold, I see you have a new post up. Heck yea. Redbook is going to be phenominal. I can tell already. Thanks for sharing!
Sals last blog post..I WIN
Not early. Late… I should have been in bed almost two hours ago, but I felt like being exhausted and cranky tomorrow.
Philip K. Dick is awesome, and “for kids”-ing a genre, style, or what-have-you never hurt anything. I really hope I get to read more at some point… thanks for sharing!
Aylad MacOdyss last blog post..The Guitar Player
Awesome! And yes, it was reminiscent of PKD. I had no idea what to expect when I started reading. You’ve surprised me once again, Sean.
Well done.
So, when will we see more?
Blogger Dads last blog post..My other life - comic artist
I suddenly started wondering if my book is too stream of conscious. Here I am with a crazy-fucking-rant-novel while it appears that everyone I know is either writing a fantasy or sci-fi novel. Goddammit.
Well, that’s one (very well-written) way to destroy something…but whatever happened to a good old-fashi0n passionate ass-whooping? If I know you (and I think I might know just a bit, Mr. Cheap-Dollar-Store-Sunglasses), it’ll be coming soon. Can’t wait.
Is this the beginning of the story or is it buried somewhere in the first few chapters?
Matthew Drydens last blog post..The Writers Are Ultra-Violent
Cool…I was thinking there should be more; you posted just enough to hook a reader, but not enough to scratch that itch.
Shade and Sweetwater,
K
Kyddryns last blog post..Dam
@Kyddryn: I hear preperation H helps a lot for those types of things. Butt at the same time I agree with you. I can’t wait to see even the rough draft of the whole novel, if he allows us the opportunity to glimpse at his newborn before he has to go and grow it up.
Sals last blog post..I WIN
Sean, that’s some seriously engrossing vocabulary you’re spewing there! Like everyone else said, MORE, MORE!!! Your words make me want to give a shot at this fiction frenzy of NoWriMo, but I’m afraid my work will pale in comparison to your RedBook excerpt. I know, I know, it’s not about who’s writing is better, but yours is so excellent.
Keep it up, my friend! Eric.
Eric Hamms last blog post..Painting Your Picture Of Paradise | Community Insight
Futuristic writing never struck a chord with me…until this!
Julies last blog post..Been There, Done That
More? Please?
Goodness, Sean, that’s amazing.
Please? (Imagine puppy eyes and an adorable smile… is it working?
)
Allison Days last blog post..Island Roll
WD: I’m definitely intrigued…especially interested in acquiring one of those Primotion chips. Please, take me to your leader.
Seriously, Sean. Potential. As you must know. Keep up the great work! Especially with such positive feedback here. You are in great company with a dystopian novel.
@Dryden: everyone you know is writing fantasy and sci-fi?? Where are these people, and why are they not contacting me at EditQuest.com, dammit??!
stephs last blog post..Boredom is a Bitch
Ooh, very Matrix-like. You’re down the rabbit hole Billy.
The new Ted Dekker series has a main character named Billy. Good choice. Promo chips sound like they’re laced with opiates. Might even cause withdrawal symptoms?
Jamie Simmermans last blog post..Getting Down to Business: 2 Steps to Make Your Dreams Come True
BTW, when I read Redbook, I thought it was about the magazine…
Pleasant surprise to find Sci-Fi instead.
Jamie Simmermans last blog post..Getting Down to Business: 2 Steps to Make Your Dreams Come True
Sal: I’m really gad you liked it. You guys would all laugh if you had any idea how uncertain I was to even run with this.
Aylad: I think I’ll run another excerpt next week. This has already gone better than I expected.
Dave: Surprises are good. I had one myself while writing it.
Matthew: Do your dance, Matthew. Who cares what everyone else is doing? This is the tail end of the first chapter. Though after the first chapter it gets calm and goes into some exposition from several years earlier. Nice reference to Marshall by the way.
Kyddryn: Maybe we’ll scratch that itch next week. Of course, that means I have stuff to do this weekend, because a lot of what I have after that is garbage with a capital G.
Eric: Thanks, Eric. Hopefully the main book I’m working on will see light soon, and I can give Redbook the fondling it needs.
Julie: A high compliment. I love it when I fall for a genre I didn’t think I would. Thanks, Julie.
Allison: You guys have made your point. I will post another excerpt next week.
Steph: I think I was most curious for your comment today, Steph. I thought of you as I was pressing publish. Thanks so much for the kind words. As always, you are wonderful.
Jamie: The main character is actually Connor, Billy just happened to pull his kiester from the fire at the right moment (those Skylers always seem to be there right when you need them). I like what you’re saying about the Primo chips… hmmm, maybe. I like the idea of withdrawal symptoms a LOT, and it wasn’t an angle anywhere near my radar. Funny about RedBook too. When I was a kid, there was a company called Red Book that allowed florists to wire flower orders across the country (this was before FTD swallowed them). That’s my association with the word, though petals (not even poppies) play no part in this story.
I had the same reaction when I saw the title Redbook. I actually wondered if you were writing something for the magazine. How did you choose your title?
I love the concept. I am a sucker for stories that show us our future after we have mucked things up with the error of our current ways…
Don’t give up on this.
Wendi Kelly-Life’s Little Inspirationss last blog post..Are you Planning for the Fog?
Thanks for sharing this piece of your future best seller! Loved this line:
“It was two decades later and the world was mostly safe, though safe was a synonym for antiseptic.”
SpaceAgeSage — Loris last blog post..Chills down my spine
LOL- Yep , thought about the magazine too. But I just saw an interview with Vonnegut about his painting and drawing. Was doing a little traipse down Vonnegut lane and thinking about the crossover in arts, and then this photo of fog in Dubai, popped up from Writer Dad ( who is partly to blame for hooking me into NaNoWriMo 12,000 words and counting thank you very much) But there I was, wondering what’s he up to and was willing to go anywhere YOUR Redbook took me….more please.
(And by the way thanks, for drawing me into this.. .it’s very freeing .)
Janice Cartiers last blog post..Hi Ho Hi Ho
WD I’m very interested to read more about the Skyler. I like the description of the ascent and I’m keen to picture the layout of the craft. So many images conveyed in a few short paragraphs – great job!
Dave Fowlers last blog post..Why Cleaning Your Toilet Could Be Bad For Your Children’s Health
Yeah, if I had the option of having a chip that would take away all negative thoughts installed I’d say “pass”. Because you’re right, if everything is always good you have no point of comparison, so good merely becomes neutral. I like where this story seems to be headed Sean
Marelisas last blog post..Six Ways to Do Less and Achieve More
I love it. I am now convinced that you have a NY Times best seller in you. I knew you were a good writer, but this is better than I had expected, which was very good to begin with.
Looking forward to the next excerpt.
Wendi Kelly: I was writing in a red notebook at the time. I know, it lacks pizazz, but it’s how I came up with the title, which is all I had until November 1st. Now I have a vague idea, and it definitely deals with a future after we’ve “mucked things up with the error of our current ways.” I won’t give up, I’ll just add it to the heaping where are my minutes pile.
SpaceAgeSage: Thanks Lori. I’m excited to write it. Maybe early next year, I’ll sit down and spend real time with it. I hope to have an outline by the end of November.
Janice: That’s so awesome that you knew that was Dubai. It’s funny, because I was searching for a good picture of Dubai, simply because it has the best futuristic skyline that isn’t photoshopped. Seeing it covered in clouds was gravy.
Dave: Thanks. I’ll have more. Hopefully sooner rather than later.
Marelisa: Thanks, Mare. We need the sour to taste the sweet. A life without peaks or valleys is dull indeed.
Vered: Wow, V. That was like a pat on the back, standing on a compliment, stacked on an accolade. Thank you ever so much. It’s settled then. Next Friday, RedBook part II.
Hi Sean,
I really got into that. It sounds like it could be a great piece of science fiction. I hope to see it completed and on my bookshelf one day.
Chase Marchs last blog post..Creative Insight
You remind me of me. Writing now while the kids are finally asleep and my wife’s been telling me to go upstairs are write for years, too. Anyway, good to find this site. Keep it up. Check out my fledgling blog here if you have a minute… http://duluonzo.blogspot.com/
PJs last blog post..excert from my novel "A Series of Hopes"
Hmmm….This sounds like the same chip they’re already implanting in Managers’ heads at the Widget Factory where I work.
But more seriously, the theme here seems so out of character with what you usually write on your blog.
Writer Dad and Sci-Fi? Who’d a thunk it?
But I like it…I LIKE IT!
Sean, this is really excellent, and very engrossing - I want more! And, reading it - I drawn in by the social aspects of this Primotion chip - and what, really it takes away from people - I’m thinking this all plays a key role in the whole book. And, like Marelisa, I wouldn’t do it - re: the chip. The peaks and valleys, we need them both - to have our heart ache, and our heart soar. Anyway, your writing continues to draw me in…
Lances last blog post..Thanks For The Cookie
Chase: I have to admit, Chase. I think you gave my favorite compliment of the day.
Thanks a LOT.
Friar: Dude, I like it all. I just want to spend my life making stuff up. It’s a cool way to carve a living.
Lance: Primotion chip = NO WAY JOSE. Thanks for liking it. I”ll hit another excerpt next Friday.
You’ve just reminded me that I was going to put up an excerpt of mine, even though I only have a piddly 4290 words. *sigh* I feel like I’m fighting with my novel, like I have to drag it by it’s hair in ten sentence little paragraphs, and they don’t even fit in any particular order. If fact, I feel as if they’re chapters away from each other and I can’t fit them together. *double sigh*
Melissas last blog post..Inspiration and Purpose
Very interesting storyline you have here. I’ve been recently reading more sci-fi stuff myself and feel drawn to some of the things you’ve mentioned here in your story. Yes, do continue to develop it!!
Evelyn Lims last blog post..My Vision Board Tops Amazon’s Bestseller List?
That was just incredibly good. It was very well written, and such a pleasure to read! Thank you…
and the photo was SO intriguing. I loved it.
A pleasure to read and now I too am looking forward to the next nibble.
When I was very young there was a book except in a magazine my mum got every month. At the end of the year you had the whole story…it was so fun for the magazine to arrive and to refresh the story and keep it going. What a nice reminder.
There are several authors on Kindle who publish a chapter a month and one can buy that chapter for $1…interesting idea…
Thank you for sharing you good word and ideas. Impressive.
Patricias last blog post..Factoid Friday: A Thank You Note to Lambie