Deja Vuesday: Sink or Swim

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Sink or Swim
by Jonathan Cretsinger

Pain what is your game? You have pulled me into this drowning pool. I am getting dizzy from going round and round with you.

Please step a little closer, so I can vomit all over you. You are a miserable piece of work, but you have had all eternity to practice your crafty art. God damn you for tearing me apart!

If it was not enough, you bring along your friends Loneliness and Despair. Is your goal for me to pull out all my hair?!

Do me a favor. Don't move. I need time to reload. *hit! I'm all out of ammo. Hand to hand combat would be nice, but since you have none, I will have to run to a new hiding place.

How does Pain find me, this new friend of mine? From the moment we meet, my life has not been the same.

Hello, operator. Is my name listed in the misery game? Who is it that is calling and asking for me by name? Please tell them I am unlisted from this hall of shame.

Pain, I'm not checking out of the mortal game, so do us a favor, and stop changing the rules to this *ucking game!

Just when I think I know how to play, you pull a fast one and I'm having a tough time from going insane.

Do you enjoy seeing the misery that I am in? Unable to sink or swim? I'm caught up in your whirlpool of sorrow and self-pity.

Please, I need help from above! Send me an angel to save my soul and deliver me from this drowning pool Pain has me dizzied in.

Send me my angel that is standing so near the edge. What is her plan as I struggle to work this one out? I know she has been here before, for that is what gives her the strength to keep herself from pulling me to shore.

Must I drown in order to live? Must I give in to surrender in order to survive? This is a strange battle I don't know if I will really win.

The weapons I have collected throughout my life are not working, and I feel that I am running out of time.

My angel of love, will you at least wind my watch of endurance in hopes that it will be enough time for me to find a new source of reassurance?

I don't want to drown in this sorrow pollution. It has a bad taste and I feel I am getting numb as I search for my solution.

Must I surrender to you Pain in order for you to cease? Just tell me how, but I know I will resist.

Just one last thing to say, before you tighten your grip and deliver that life threatening twist, but I need your full attention.

...... You will NEVER win!

--- Copyright © 2001 Jonathan Cretsinger
Notes From The Author:
To those who are thinking about giving up: There is light at the end of the tunnel.

Sink or Swim? I'll swim! :0)

Hubby & I had to choose between my working full time+ or stepping down from my job 1 year & 1/2 ago. I was working part time, which sometimes included late evening hours, and we had a new baby, our first. Hubby had a decent paying job, but the company he works for was bankrupt, still is, and we didn't know how long his job would last, still don't.

We decided that my being home with the new baby was more important than the financial benefit to my working. Now we had to stretch his paycheck... I had already begun using coupons and watching for money saving opportunities, so that gave me a leg up on the journey. Now we are living a wonderful life, don't feel like we're missing a thing & I get to stay home with our precious little boy.

Sometimes the difference between sinking or swimming is all in the mindset. If you think you can do it, you'll have a much better outcome even if you're not entirely successful. Throw God in the mix & anything is possible!

Why the arbitrary year Sean? Who decided it had to happen in a year? What if Edison only gave himself three tries to make a light bulb? It's called WD 40 because it took them 40 tries to get the formula right.

If you made up the rules, you can change them. It is your game after all......And don't doubt your talent!

Five months later...my two year old loves the book and still refuses to sit on the potty. It sounds like I need a dose of potty training power.

<abbr>Stacey / Create a Balance’s last blog post..Let’s Play the Life Balance Discovery Game</abbr>

Davina: I did, last Friday. Did Gmail let me down?

The book is waiting for me to pull it together :-) More than 80 quotes have been submitted. I'm dying to get to it but don't think I'll be able to for a few days. I can't wait to have it ready for everyone. Are you still sending in your quotes?

<abbr>Davina’s last blog post..Guest Post: Emotions — The Universal Language</abbr>

dadshouse: I love what you're saying, and you're absolutely right. Sometimes we just need to catch our breath and gather our strength.

Kristin T: I give fear a noogie and take its lunch money. But not really. I just try to swallow and step forward.

Randi: Wow. My second, "I have to send out an email" of the day. Since it should already be sitting in your inbox, I'll just address the final paragraph - all links are yummy. Those with matching anchor text have whipped cream and a cherry.

Davina: Thanks, Davina. I appreciate it. How is the book coming along?

Stacey: That's right! You bought Number One and Two it! You're welcome to a copy of "Potty Training Power" if you'd like it. You probably don't need it five months later, but even if you just want to read it, hit me with an email and I'd be happy to send it to you.

I'm swimming like I've never swam before. No looking back and embracing every wave.

It seems like yesterday when I was reading your first posts on Writer Dad and I'm still reading your Potty book to my kids. It's been great watching you grow and shine. I'm loving Blogopolis Blueprint.

<abbr>Stacey / Create a Balance’s last blog post..Hungry for Balance Online Retreat</abbr>

Hi Sean. I can relate completely. I've been swimming for a year and a half. Courage and perseverance will take a person a long way. You've got it! I think you have a lot of synchronized swimmers here :-) Lots of support.

<abbr>Davina’s last blog post..Guest Post: Emotions — The Universal Language</abbr>

Writer Dad,
I've got thoughts flying out in different directions because of your post so I hope I can corral them long enough to make sense out of my comment.

First of all, let me start off with a complaint about some women. (I, being one, claim the right to rag on some of my sistahs.) When I began my own blog, I thought the best thing to do was to hang out at other women's blogs, just to get a feel for what was popular out in blog land. What I saw in large part made me disgusted and afraid, at first. Time after time, I would come across a blog in which the blogger thought it was cool to bash her husband or boyfriend, using the most vile terms imaginable. She would talk about what an idiot he was, about the latest stupid thing he did, or about what she would like to do to various body parts while he was sleeping. She would use language that I used to associate only with men's locker rooms, and I thought I had heard it all (having worked with men for many years.) These blogs had lots of subscribers. I seriously considered abandoning blogging, if that's what it took to have a successful blog.

Then, one day, while hanging out at http://zenhabits.net I came across a post you had written. I followed the link back to your site, and after reading a couple of posts, said to myself, "Yes! This is what blogging should be about!" The more I read, the more I became aware of the undying support you have from your wife, Daisy. In her, my faith in modern womanhood was redeemed. Here is a woman who would surely die before affixing any swear words to your name. I feel safe when reading her comments on your site, or in reading the posts on her site, that I won't have to be subjected to a woman's rantings about her husband. Instead, I feel a sweetness of spirit, a faith in true love, a hope for married couples everywhere. Remembering back to a post I read of yours, where Daisy encouraged you to risk it all and just WRITE, I now ask you to honor her by keepin' on with the swimmin'. Honor her faith in you by keepin' on with the swimmin' even when you feel as if your arms are numb with the struggle, or your lungs will burst with the next breath. Your writing is good. And more good things come from those other good things. It's called synergy.

Ok, next thought. Having managed a few businesses, I know that it does take at least a year (in most cases) to see monetary success in a business. You may not be there yet. It seems though, that everywhere I turn there is blog with Writer Dad listed as a favorite blog. Success is not always about the money. I would rather have a blog that made peanuts than to have a blog that was financially secure but resorted to the kind of ravings of the women I mentioned previously.

Third, and maybe final, thought. Sinking or swimming can be very scary. Until May 2007, I was the manager of a very successful local business. I made more money than my husband and worked between 60-70 hours a week. I saw my then eight year old son far too infrequently. He was suffering in school and was very insecure. My husband and I made the decision that I would quit work. In the fall, I would become a teacher at my son's homeschool co-op. As in NO PAY. We were very scared because we KNEW we could not make it on one income. Yet, there is a quality of life that happens when you are forced to do without, that is very character defining. We no longer have cable TV service. We eat out maybe once every six months. Friday I bought new clothes for the first time in three years. But I would not trade my son's newfound security to have my old salary back. It's not worth it. Yes, you may struggle while you write, wondering if there will ever be a payoff. I believe there will be. You have the talent. You have the support. And last but not least, you have the FANS! Yay for Writer Dad!

I knew one more thought would sneak in here....Regarding your reply to Lori--when you mentioned that links are helpful, what exactly do you mean? (I'm still a newbie, sorry!) Do you mean list your site on a blogroll? Or do you mean refer to your site in our own posts on our blogs? Or write a review of your post? (Sorry to be dense, but your fans really do want to help. Writers are a tight bunch who want to see other writers succeed.)

<abbr>Randi’s last blog post..Flu Lotto</abbr>

I'm so glad you've decided against "the old way." The more I see how life works, the more I'm beginning to think fear is perhaps life's greatest enemy. It's one thing to be smart, and it's good to have a loose plan. But if you can tell that fear is the thing that's keeping you from taking a leap, then in my mind there's no better reason to just go for it. Here's to living in defiance of fear!

I get your analogy, and I agree it's better to swim than sink. But I don't think those are the only two options at any moment. Sometimes it's enough to just float, be present, awake, aware. Then start swimming.

<abbr>dadshouse’s last blog post..My Teen Daughter is Dating</abbr>

Trina: You can quote anything from Pixar at any time. Redundant or not, I'm listening. I really like (from the Incredibles), "If everyone is special, that means that no one is."

Wendi: It isn't that Sink or Swim has any specific meaning, per se. I was just going through my old posts yesterday looking for something to rewrite. Sink or Swim felt appropriate. I did the keyword research on it and saw there were around 15,000 searches per month for that phrase. Thinking that someone typing that phrase into Google would perhaps be feeling something similar to myself, I decided to take the time to optimize it (it doesn't take long). I don't have any more traffic today than I did four months ago. New eyes are not on my words. The strength of my voice is not carrying me forward, so I must try new things. Every day I'm learning. I do not know what will work and what will not. I just know I have to keep going until I find a result. Sink or Swim was not written with SEO in mind, just repurposed to that end. The word Dad from last week, for example, is a lot more pointed, for obvious reasons. Thanks for asking the question - answering helps me crystalize my own thought process.

So....I'm curious... and serious about it. I am so brainless about this SEO stuff. Why would you want your page to be linked to the idea of "Sink or Swim?" Why would those particular words have some meaning to you that you want to cultivate and make anyone think of Writer Dad or direct traffic here?

<abbr>Wendi Kelly-Life's Little Inspirations’s last blog post..Field Trip</abbr>

00ps-Didnt mean to repeat what Wendy had already said so well, it was just my first gut reaction. Great minds think alike ;-)

I am reminded of the phrase from "Finding Nemo" - 'Just keep swimming' With all the strokes you are taking (your various ventures) I am certain you'll find the strength to keep your head above water. 'Just keep swimming'

Mike: It's easier to pen a post imbued with bravado then it is to live it every day. I promise. Many hours are riddled with doubt that I'm leading my family in the wrong direction. I do believe in the eventuality of where I'm going, but I feel the tremendous, unrelenting weight of responsibility.

Bri: Nice to meet you, Bri. I'm glad to know you. Congratulations on your baby. Buckle up, things are about to change.

Dave: I reread your original comment from the first time I wrote this post. It made me smile. We've traveled far for staying so close. Thanks for everything, Dave.

Wendi: I will keep swimming until my arms can no longer rotate.

Lori: That is an unbelievably kind question. I saw the comment before I left for school this morning. I think it deserves the attention of a well articulated email, so I will send it to you later.

For everyone, links are important, especially on the SEO wednesday series. I'm trying hard to build a different sort of traffic and elevate the quality of SEO writing in general. Thanks for asking, Lori. As always, you are awesome and one.

GreenJello: I'm bobbing up and down. Life is great, but I do hope to catch a current soon.

Daisy: Thanks for believing in me so relentlessly. Thanks for treating the unknown as nothing more than a hiccup. And thanks for knowing I could write, long before I did. I love you, Baby.

Vered: Thanks, Vered, and thanks for the tweet yesterday. That was really nice.

Daisy: I checked that myself. I'm on page 8 now, but I'm not giving up. I'm just hoping this page catches a current (cough) with a few links (cough) that may or may not say sink or swim (cough, cough).

I agree wholeheartedly. I find that too many of us go through the motions of what is 'safe', and yet I'd never want to die with the idea that I led a "safe" life. Gimme a break. I'll continue to either get thrown in the water, or throw myself in every so often so I can become a better swimmer able to deal with those situations.

Daisy
PS., I checked google to see where sink or swim would rank.. looks like it's an extrememly common phrase used by many companies!

<abbr>Daisy’s last blog post..Ice Mummy</abbr>

"I’m not talking about the fortunate few endowed with an incredible, unique skill." - you ARE one of the fortunate.

Congrats on the Problogger endorsement - this is really, really important.

<abbr>Vered - MomGrind’s last blog post..Women And Body Image: Ten Disturbing Facts</abbr>

Although we are not playing Uno with iphones, may I say you are the most fiscally austere person I know and always a CHAMPION in every endeavor. The success is sweeter when we work smarter. Right by your side swimming, swimming, swimming...

Your Daisy

<abbr>daisy’s last blog post..Potty Training Help is on the Way</abbr>

I know the feeling all too well.

Hang in there. Life does get better, but not always in the ways you expected.

<abbr>GreenJello’s last blog post..Lu's Room</abbr>

If any of us can toss you a life preserver right now, what kind would you need?

Most of the important things in the world have been accomplishd by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all.
~Dale Carenegie

Don't even think about sinking. Failure is NOT an option.

You keep on swimming. Just keep on swimming. Keep on swimming.

Success belongs to you.

Writer Dad,
I feel this so acutely right now. I jumped overboard around nine months ago and I’m near to exhaustion with the swimming. I’m so close to begging the crew to let me back aboard the ship but I’m a proud man and I feel compelled to swim a little farther.

Mike is right. I think had my wife not had an income to support us (even though it’s not really quite enough of an income) I would have stayed put. I would have offset my own desires for the sake of my family’s needs. My wife, who whilst not exactly risk averse, doesn’t quite share my vision for the future.

I hope to find dry land fairly soon.

I’ll tell you one thing for certain…. However this pans out for me, I’ll never regret taking the leap!

You keep going Sean, you’re still an inspiration after all this time!!

Dave

<abbr>Dave Fowler’s last blog post..I’ve Emptied My Feedreader Into A Blog Post</abbr>

Great post, Sean. That sink or swim moment came for me this year, when my husband and I found out we were having a baby. I had always craved the freedom of self-employment but had never taken myself too seriously. The time is definitely here now!

By the way, I just found your blog and really like it. I'll be visiting. :)

<abbr>Bri’s last blog post..Where are you?</abbr>

For some, it takes a lot of courage to give up a job with decent pay and decent job security, even when things are going bad at work. Though I've never gone hungry, I've lived in real poverty in the south with no air conditioning, no transportation, and plenty of rats and roaches. Walking away from a good job was never an option as long as I was responsible for others.

I do understand where you are coming from. It's just not something that I could do.

<abbr>Mike Goad’s last blog post..The Sun Has Lost Its Spots</abbr>