Writer Dad is a sublime site about family and fatherhood with well written tales alongside helpful hints and strategies to help render our children into remarkable writers. Please subscribe (for free) by RSS or Email. Thanks! Merry Christmas Eve everyone. Today, David Wright is telling us what Christmas means to him this year with “The Gift.” Enjoy. I was not looking forward to this holiday season. I’ve been without a job since June and it’s been quite a transition. Being broke and jobless at Christmas sucks. I don’t mind that few gifts will have my name on them this year. I’m more bothered that I can’t buy gifts for others. Fortunately, I have a wife who understands our situation. In fact, she’s been very understanding since I lost my job. She hasn’t given me hell about finding a new one. She hasn’t complained about all that we have to do without. She’s been great. It’s hard for me, though, to know that she’s carrying the weight of most of our financial burdens. It’s hard that purchases normally made without hesitation are now critical decisions. Being without a job has led me to some dark places the past six months as I face the unknown and my limitations. I’m loathe to feel sorry for myself as I’m hardly alone in my predicament. Too many people are finding themselves in situations they never thought would happen to them. But at times, I feel pretty damned hopeless. For the most part, I’ve withdrawn from many people because I’m not feeling particularly good about my situation. I don’t want to have “that conversation” with people. “So, you find a job yet? Ah, too bad, man.” It’s awkward and a reminder of my failings. Part of me would like to just hide away until I’m back on top of things. I don’t want to infect people with my growing cynicism. I don’t want to be “that guy” who brings everyone down with his woes. I’m normally a pretty funny and upbeat guy. But when you’re not working, you have lots of time to focus on how bad things are, how much rotten and evil runs rampant in the world and how little evidence of goodness. So, like I said, I was not looking forward to Christmas. But recently, I’ve received some reminders of what I couldn’t see - the kindness of others. It started a couple of weeks ago when someone anonymously left several bags of groceries at our doorstep. It could not have come at a better time, either. Later, we found out who the person was - someone from my wife’s church. A couple of weeks ago, my father spent an entire day installing cabinets and building shelves in our laundry room - something my wife has wanted since we moved in. He offered his time and bought the materials because he knew that we couldn’t afford it. And then last week, more generosity - strangers gave new clothes and presents to my son. And thanks to my mother-in-law, my son has a few more gifts under the tree this year than he would have had. It’s amazing that so many people surrounding us were willing to open their hearts and help us. I’ve never been on this end of charity. But it made me think a bit more about just that - giving. My wife and I have donated to charities in the past. Not a lot, mind you, but when we could. I’ve never really thought much about what that money buys, though. In most cases that money buys hope. And hope is one of the best things you can give to those who have lost it. So, thank you to those who have given me hope. Merry Christmas. Related posts:The gift
Dave
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Thanks Dave, for reminding me of the wonderful gift of hope and the great need for such an unwrapable presant. I know you mentioned how you hate these words in that ‘conversation’, but I truly DO hope the best for you and that this experience will only make you stronger and keep you appreciating all you have, in want AND when the needs are not so ‘in your face’. Have a Merry Christmas Dave! You too Sean!
Eric.
Eric Hamms last blog post..Have A Very Merry Christmas!
Hey Dave, what a wonderful story. I think a lot of people can relate, and it’s wonderful that this experience has showed you a deeper meaning for Christmas. I’m still praying for ou and your little family. Hang in there.
Jamie Simmermans last blog post..The Psychology of Experts
Dave, thanks for sharing.
I’ve never experienced what you are going through, but I can certainly sympathize. The fear of going there was what kept me in a position with decent job security rather than moving on to something else.
I truly hope that the new year brings better conditions for your family and everyone else who have been impacted these unfortunate economic times.
Mike Goads last blog post..American Beautyberry
Dave, your words about your situation have had a lot of impact on me. My husband has been out of work since the first week of May. He has also visited those dark places and is no longer looking. Thing is, I try so hard to be encouraging, but everything I say is filtered through his own upset.
That you have stayed positive and that your wife supports you is something I’ve watched carefully, learning a few things to keep our relationship smooth in troubled waters. Thank you.
B J Keltzs last blog post..Take A Breather in the Holiday Crush
I empathize what you’re going through, albeit from the mind of a single person and not a family. I believe in the concept of fate, and everything will work itself out.
You might enjoy reading some recent thoughts by Warren Sukernek, as he was recently laid off and the Twitter and blogging community has tried helping him find a new job. And, you know about Frugal Dad, right?
Ari Herzogs last blog post..Why I Donate to Wikipedia
Thank you, Dave - it’s never easy sharing something that affects you so intimately.
I have been without work since coming off of maternity leave due to my son’s health issues…we cannot drop him off at daycare like typical parents. He needs one on one attention - and that means no out of the house job for me. Needless to say, finding a work at home job is extremely difficult…nonexistent, almost!!
It creates feelings of shame and borderline worthlessness and that’s hard to deal with. One way I’ve found helps is to ensure you are ‘working’ at home: laundry, cooking, cleaning, etc. It may not pay the bills but it keeps you busy, and shows your partner that you are trying.
We too have been on the ‘other’ end of charity recently, and my pride has been making it difficult to be gracious and thankful but I’m learning, and appreciating the gestures we’ve received (groceries, cash).
My husband and I aren’t exchanging gifts this year due to the tight budget we have, and we’re somewhat glad our son is young enough that the few simple gifts we made/purchased for him aren’t going to be disappointing to him - I think he’s going to love the handmade starfish bath mitt I whipped up the other night!
I will be thinking of you and your family, as well as all the other families in the same boat - especially this time of year.
God bless.
Mama Bears last blog post..Very Last Minute Gifts - A Christmas Project Encore
Eric - Thank you, I appreciate the kind words.
Jamie - Thank you. I had already sent Sean my post when I finally got around to checking out the past few guest spots and saw that you had also written about hope. I *almost* pulled it, but decided not. Sorry for following so closely with a “hope” related post, though I think ours are different enough that nobody will protest.
Mike - Thank you. I thought my job was fairly secure when I started it. That was before the economy dropped out and took all our advertisers with it. My prior job, while a bit more secure, was not rewarding to my spirit. I think I learned more in the past three years and advanced more creatively than I ever would have had I not made a jump. I still believe I made the right choice even if it doesn’t feel like it at the moment. Thank you for your kind words.
BJ Keltz - I wish I knew the right words to say to help your situation. Perhaps the best thing you can do is let him know that you’re there for him no matter what. I hope that things work out well for you both. Thanks for the comment.
Ah, Dave, it’s so incredibly difficult, I know. I grew up without anything but the basic necessities: wholesome food and lots of love. I wore hand-me-downs from a cousin I’d not met (which my younger sister later inherited), my father hunted to put meat on the table, and gifts were mostly experiences. As an adult, it seems as if I’ve always been paycheck-to-paycheck. Although my circumstances aren’t yours, I do understand.
The only support I can offer seems so very meager, but it’s given with warmth that I’m not sure will come through in my words: focus on the love you share. Looking back at the tough times of my life, it’s the love that shines first, and I need to really focus to find the other feelings. Find your love. Allow your heart to open to it, and then go with it. Don’t worry about your wife or son; they’ll be embraced by the love you offer, and they will thrive in it. Feel it and give it, and then you’ll find a hope you never would have realized. Hope will appear, and then it will grow. Your family will join you in the love and the worries will recede. It’s the love you feel that will make you strong and, in time, looking back, it’s the love that you’ll remember most. Truly.
May you have a blessedly beautiful Christmas, David. ~ Julie
Julies last blog post..Beautiful Words to Live By
Hey Dave,
What a great honest post. Don’t you ever give up hope. I had 4 children by the time I was 22. I married at 17, pregnant and my husband had $1 in his wallet. Insane eh? But here we are in our dream home married 37 years!
You can get through it. You will get through it. Now I can’t help giving advice I used to work as a phsychologist and now a coach.
1. This too shall pass. Always has always will.
2. Continue to count your blessings.
3. Journal about what you feel, where you’re at and what you can do about it. Journal what your lessons are and what you are learning from them.
4. Make a plan. What is your plan if you don’t have a job in 6 months?
5. Make a list of every person who loves you, family, friends, past co-workers, neighbors etc.
Now think will these people help me if I ask. So don’t be afraid to ask for help! (list your wifes people as well)
6. Help others. Go volunteer at the soup kitchen nearby. Some times you will feel like your life has no purpose. If you find places to volunteer you will feel like you can still make a difference. We used to take my 4 children to the soup kitchen when they complained that they didn’t have what other kids had. Not as a punishment but a wake up call. When we left the atmosphere in the car would be quiet. Those were sacred teaching moments.
7. If you want to talk call me. I can donate 20 minute coaching calls (as needed) for support, help with a plan etc. Find my blog at http://www.theboldlife.com
Oh and by the way did I mention that man with $1 in his pocket became an accountant and had his own business for 25 years! Our anniversary is January…
Don’t forget this too shall pass!
In the spirit of Christmas,
Tess
Dave, I think hope is big enough topic that we could both write about it for a week. It just goes to show that great minds think alike.
Jamie Simmermans last blog post..<a href=”http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r%
You always have hope. As long as God is on his throne, there will always be hope. It is good to be on the receiving end of chariety once so that you can empathize with those in need and more easily give to them in a way that gives them their dignity. It is also goo to realize that you can live on a great deal less and survive. I am doing living on less this year. I quit my job and started my own business so until it gets going well, our income is cut in half. But it is a wonderful time for God to show how he really does provide (look at all those people who showed up for you) so we can build our trust in him. There are many things to learn on this road. Don’t miss any of the lessons. They are all very valuable!
When you get to the job you’re looking for, you’ll know why you had to wait for it!
I have been jobless for years and it is a very hard position to be in and to keep yourself on the up and up….kindness is a sure tool of success to pull you out of the down position, and hope it the strongest tool of all….but nothing beats the assistance of friends and good honest work to keep one going…to be of use….You are of great use as a blog programmer and your talents have been immeasurable as a writer to get my husband’s blog up and running…you have an awesome talent…did you read on Passing Thru Betsy’s piece called “as if”? It was that kind of thinking that kept me going…and keeps me going now…
I keep working on life as if it is just like I want it to be…get dressed every morning and go to work and visualize the abundance and money flowing in….we are very thankful for our oldest daughter’s many talents and gifts, which really made our Christmas work this year for us….
Kindness, hope, and love of life and living…
sending you an encouraging hug too..
It is going to be a great new year….can’t you just feel it?
Patricias last blog post..Say Who Turned On the Light?
Mama Bear - Sorry, your comment wasn’t posted when I originally responded. Sounds like you have it pretty rough. I hope that things get better for you, also. Thank you for commenting.
Ari - Thank you, I will check out those links.
Tess - Thank you. Those are some good ideas. And thank you for your generous offer. I will keep it in mind.
Jamie - agreed
Laurie - Thank you for the nice words.
Patricia - Thank you. No, I didn’t see ‘As if’, I will check it out.